Are you a creature of habit? Most of us are, but are you one when it comes to who you date?
So you just ended a relationship (or stopped talking) with a dude you were feeling but who wasn’t holding up his end of the bargain, and you’re hoping to start anew. But Mr. Five-minutes-ago calls you, or texts your phone. And guess what? You pick up or text him back. Knowing he’s no good for you, you fall right back into the place you were at with ‘ol dude before and find yourself practicing the lies you’re going to tell your friends when find out about your repetitive love life. Be honest, you want that old thing back.
Well, stop it. It’s always nice when a man shows some interest in you, but it sucks when this guy is someone who you have a past with who has a track record of being interested hard core one second, and then letting that interest wane quickly the next. If you’re alright with letting a fellow from your past back in, you need to be prepared for the possibility of the same ‘ol, same ‘ol drama that could pop back up. Is it really worht all that? We’ve all been there, but some ladies have been there tooo much. Halting there love life for the guy that just can’t seem to get right. It’s okay to be optimistic but girl, don’t hold your breath. Here’s some signs that you may be a repetitive, or better yet, recyclable lover and some change could do you good.
You Keep All His Info After It’s Over
You do it unintentionally, but some women who like to wait around for their old flings to pop back up tend to stay very much connected with these men that aren’t good for them. You might not call him, but then why do you still have his number? Why have him as your Facebook friend to ask you about the new relationship status you’re toting and who you got cheesy with in your profile pic? Why do you still have all these things if you’re really trying to move on? It’s totally fine to tell a man it’s over and cut communication, it’s hard, but can be done. And sometimes it takes a number of disappointments by the same guy for you to get FED the hell up. To each their own. But if you really are hoping to move forward, know that when you keep his number in your phone, you leave yourself open for that “come back to me” call in the middle of the night, or even worse, the chance you might drunk dial him later spewing foolery.
That Ex Becomes a Running Joke For You And Your Friends
You know that ex you never let go. Well, now you’re fairly ashamed to bring up the fact that you’ve been talking again after that last rant you had to your friends about how dirty he was. Yeah, you basically built a dog house for him that he can’t seem to get out of when it comes to your girls. Nowadays, when he’s brought up in conversation among your girlfriends, eyes get wide, heads shake from side to side and a whole lot of “mhmmmms” loom in the air. It’s almost as if your girls feel sorry for you for still being under his spell that they’ve made a joke of him. They know your ringtone for him and when he texts you, eyes roll. When you tell folks you are talking again no one is surprised but you can tell they’re clearly disappointed. And every well wish is preceded by a massive reservation on their part. Like a person who can’t stay out of trouble, no one likes supporting people who stay attracted to something they should run from.
He Becomes the Back Up Plan
So he’s showing that interest in you again and swearing things will be different this time around, but oops! You’re already dating someone else. What to do? Well in the repetitive lover’s mind, that ex that won’t go away becomes a back up plan. You keep in touch and text back in forth, nothing big that needs to be confessed to your man, but in reality, you’re stringing that ex along. You keep him at just a good enough distance that if things go south with the new boo, you can lean on his shoulder–or more. Yeah, that’s dead wrong. Baggage should get dropped off to the left…
After a Messy Break Up, You Quickly Become “Friends”
Friends!? Yeah right. More like two people playing a touchy game hoping to get back in where they fit in. Rule number one to a messy break up: Each party needs their space. It’s one thing if you have a mutual break up and it’s agreed you both are just going to give each other a little space and time before you come back home. But if he played you or you tossed him to the side, you shouldn’t be trying to get all buddy with that ex right after things fall apart. These kind of “friends” will meet you for dinner or at the mall, you know, to be there to give off the impression to strangers that you have a man and to pretty much still be your partner without having to provide a title or commitment. Trust, you’ve got enough friends honey…
You Try Hard to Do Things to Spite Him
Whether it’s implying that his new girl looks like a rat or putting on his favorite and freakiest freakum dress to throw his emotions–and testosterone–in a tizzy, when you try really hard to get an old flings attention rather than just doing you and meeting someone else, it’s clear: you’re still sprung. You might as well wear a sign on your forehead that says “Look at me” because you want all the attention he has. When what your ex thinks is still a huge priority for you or determines where you will and won’t show up at, it screams that you’re still craving that old thing back.
You Respond to His “Check Ins” When You Shouldn’t
We’ve all talked about it. You know the guy you finally get off your mind. Well, the minute you find someone a bit more worthy of your time, there your phone goes a-ringing, your notifications lighting up because he’s checking in on you after a period of nothing. It’s your birthday, or you get a new job and post it on your social media, and there he goes, texting you after months without speaking to get back on your good side. He sends that long, gripping Facebook message saying how sorry he is about things in the past but how happy he is for you, or hits you with that rare bout of sentimentality he never showed while you had him in your space. Instead of just saying “thanks” and going about your business or declining, you’re all of a sudden all ears for his vocal diary, and guess what: you’ve been suckered back in again.
You’re Okay With Being All Up In Each Other’s Business
For the people who have been able to maintain a relationship with their exes without crossing that line or sleeping in drama, kudos! You’re awesome. But something that I’ve noticed, especially from my own experiences is that if you do try and stay “cool” after you part ways romantically with each other, try and stay out of each other’s business boo. And by that I mean, if he asks you how things are going between you and your new man, just say “great!” and leave it at that. The minute you show a sign of weakness in your relationship, trust, the ex will use it as an opportunity to jump in. To try and make your new man look unstable and to cast doubt in your mind about your boo-ship. Keep it simple and breezy with your so-called “friend.” Stick to convos about your professional lives and fun stuff. But anything that will have you second-guessing your current situation is a no-go.
