There’s something going on with male hookups. They seem to get off on not just, well, getting off, but also pretending that this whole thing is more than sex. It’s almost like they want to practice their boyfriend skills for when they meet the woman they’d like to date seriously. Or maybe they’re power addicts who love seeing the way they confuse you and frazzle you when they act like way more than a hookup. Not only is it confusing but it’s also annoying. When your hookup behaves in ways outside the realm of a booty call, it puts pressure on you. Now you’re thinking, “Do I have to do all of this too if I want consistent sex with this guy? Is it rude if I don’t jump through all the same hoops he is?” Ugh. Why can’t things be simple?Here’s why your casual hookup is confusing you.
Like the fact that you don’t like onions on your burger, or that you hang out at the coffee shop on Main Street and Irving Avenue on Tuesdays at 3 pm. Oh, he’s stopping at the coffee shop to say hi to you. There isn’t even a chance of sex here, buddy! What is this?
Investing in your career
He sends you a link to a website offering a discount on an accounting night class. You mentioned you want to learn about accounting so you can open your own small business. Oh, he’d also like to introduce you to somebody who could help you start your business. You may as well Sext over Linkedin now.
Volunteering to be your plus one
When you so much as reference your upcoming office party or friend’s wedding he asks, “Need a date?” Why is he volunteering to come with you somewhere where life-long vows will be exchanged?
Cuddling with no sex
Sometimes he comes over (oh, and he invited himself over) and he just wants to cuddle. “I just want to lie next to you tonight, is that okay?” he asks. Sure. You’d love to listen to his snoring and not get an orgasm out of it.
He obsessively fixes everything that ticks or drips or creaks in your apartment. In fact, he asks you if you’ll be home over the weekend so that he can stop by with a tool box and fix you sink. And he really does just mean a tool box.
Maybe he wants to practice making Eggs Benedict for his future wife, but you want your kitchen and your greasy pastries. Okay maybe you do want the eggs, but this is confusing.
He gets the two of you tickets to things—like cultural things. He brings you to book readings and art gallery openings. Don’t you usually only suffer through things like that with somebody you love?
Introducing you to friends
He brings you to places where his friends are. He introduces you to his friends. He kisses you in front of his friends. Apparently he wants to play boyfriend for the night.
Bragging about you to friends
He doesn’t just tell his friends your name. He tells them about all of your career achievements, how smart you are, how funny you are and how well traveled you are. He even tells them about the charity work you do.
Inviting you to his plus-one events
He invites you to every single plus one event he has. He pulls out his calendar and goes over dates in bulk: “Are you available the 23rd? Do you have a ball gown? Cool. How about Two months from Friday?”
Overdoing it on the PDA
In public, he is all over you. He even does this in bars filled with gorgeous women—gorgeous women in front of whom he might want to look single, right?
Inviting you on a trip
He invites you on vacation with four other couples. He’s probably just doing this because nothing ends a day of mai tais and ocean water better than sex, but he has to know it’s confusing.
Asking for your advice on clothes
He insists you come shopping with him. He says he cannot pick out a shirt without you. And when the sales person compliments him on his choices, he motions to you and says, “It’s all thanks to this one.”
Asking for your advice on apartments
He takes you apartment hunting. He takes you to look at condos he’s considering purchasing. He wants your opinion on furniture, and he asks you if you would be comfortable in on that couch.
Sending you eCards
He sends you those humorous eCards. Sure, they’re mostly sarcastic, but they do depict your “relationship” to a T. That means he sits around and contemplates your “relationship.”