Things People Don't Get About Being An Independent Girlfriend

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When it comes to how dependent a couple can be on each other, there is a huge range of what’s considered “normal.” Some couples have their Google calendars synced up and get a notification to their smart phone the second one person makes an edit. Some couples see each other once a week and survive on phone calls throughout the week. But one thing that people often don’t understand is when you’re a really independent girlfriend and don’t need all of that contact. People assume your relationship isn’t going well, or you’re just no that in love. But that’s just not the case. Here are some things people don’t understand when you’re an independent girlfriend.

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When you haven’t spoken all day

If you’re chatting with your mom at the end of the day, and she asks, “How’s your boyfriend doing?” and you say, “I don’t know—we haven’t spoken today” she will ask if you’re in a fight.

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You’re just hyper-focused

Some people can only think about one thing at a time, and are the most successful at any given task if they don’t look at anything else until it’s done. And that anything else applies to phone calls. I’d rather talk to my partner at the end of the day when my head is clear of all my tasks, so I can totally focus on him, rather than make an obligatory midday call, where I’m not really paying attention and anxious to get back to work.

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You don’t know his schedule

I get the question all of the time, “What are you two doing on insert date here?” And I say what I’m doing that day because I only know my own schedule. Then I get looks as if I forgot my child in a parking lot.

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You live separate lives

I don’t report to my boyfriend any time I make a new plan. I don’t email him to say, “Just to let you know I am getting my hair done from 1 to 3 on March 12^th, 2016.” I don’t tell him what I’m doing unless he calls me at that time and asks what I’m up to, or if he tries to schedule something else with me at that time. And, he exchanges information with me the same way. I don’t know what else to tell you.

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You’ll go solo

Sometimes my partner and I are invited to something together, and he can’t go, so I come alone. But when I tell the inviter, “My boyfriend is busy that day” they immediately assume that neither of us is coming.

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Why should I miss out?

It’s not my fault he already had plans that day! Why should I be penalized? I want to come to the party! Don’t worry about my boyfriend. He’s having fun somewhere else. That’s why he couldn’t make it!

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You don’t call him from special moments

I’ve gone on a girls weekend with friends who, when we reach an incredible view after a two-hour hike in a secluded area, stop to call their boyfriend to Facetime him or describe it over the phone to him. I didn’t bring my phone.

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You want to be in the moment

My boyfriend would want me to be 100% present in the above-mentioned moment. He doesn’t need me to share it with him then and there. I can tell him about it later.

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You don’t live together after two years

A lot of couples believe that once they’ve been together long enough that it’s acceptable for them to move in together, that they must move in together. I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly three years, and we don’t live together yet. Sometimes I get looks about this as if it’s some new agey, progressive thing we’re trying—like we are resisting the norm.

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You know he’s it so there’s no rush

Honestly, I feel that I’ve found the person I’ll spend my life with. In the large scheme of things, living apart for four years is nothing when you’ll eventually live together for 40 to 60 years. I’m still milking my neighborhood, with its free parking and large dog parks. I don’t live apart from my partner because I’m resisting some norm—I’m just enjoying this phase as long as I can.

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You travel without him

You plan trips with your friends. You don’t invite their partner, and you’re not telling them to invite theirs. I’ve had friends look at me like, “She must be having relationship troubles. She’s trying to get away.”

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Every relationship deserves special attention

I have some girlfriends that I’ve known since I was one-year-old. If my boyfriend, who I’ve known for three years, can have alone time with me almost seven days a week, then those friends I’ve known a lifetime can certainly get alone time with me once a year for a weekend. Every relationship—romantic and not—deserves special attention.

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You wander off at parties

My boyfriend and I are both very social. We’re the couple that will show up to a party, instead of stay in for Netflix. And when we get there, we divide and conquer. But people always ask me, “Where’s your boyfriend?” Sometimes they notify me, “I just saw your boyfriend by the punch if you’re looking for him.” I’m not.

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You can stay home to be together

We don’t go out to be together! Sure, we touch base throughout a party to exchange stories and a kiss, but we enjoy talking to other people and collecting funny interactions to tell each other about in bed later. How are we going to get that if we’re glued to each other?

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You’re just happy, with or without him

Generally, super independent girlfriends do love their boyfriends very much, but they’re happy people—with or without a partner. Not to say that more codependent couples aren’t happy people but the more independent types tend to be so happy by nature, that they get to swept up in time with a friend, or a great focus session at work, to want to stop just to check in with a partner.