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Men, you may have heard that for women, foreplay is about 25 percent physical and 75 percent mental. What that means is that you can’t just come home after not speaking to your lady for hours and then try to jump her bones. Odds are, she just won’t be in the mood and probably won’t get in the mood that fast. If you try to initiate sex but she’s just not having it, you’re probably failing in the mental foreplay game. Here is a guide.

Keep up contact throughout the day

Mental foreplay builds slowly. You can’t just expect to send a “Can’t wait to see you!” text two hours before you come home and have her waiting to rip her underwear off for you. Good luck with that.

Send her messages at optimal times 

Send out that first text or email early in the day—maybe two hours after leaving her. She’ll love that you couldn’t go very long without thinking of her.


About that first message…

It should say something like, “I already miss you” or “Most of my day is just waiting to be with you again.” She will love that. It will give her the warm fuzzies and will make her feel the same way, anticipating when you both will reunite.


Send her something funny

Laughter is one of the biggest aphrodisiacs for women. Send her a meme or GIF that you know is just her sense of humor. Send her something that she will think back on and crack up at all day. She will be thinking of you every time she laughs at it.

And something adorable

I’ll admit it: part of your ability to turn us on is your ability to show you could be a good dad. Even if we don’t want to be mothers, our biological systems cant help but respond to a man who seems caring and sweet. Send a really cute photo or meme, too. If it involves babies, penguins or baby goats in costumes, all the better.

Check in

Did she tell you she’s having a meeting today with a certain co-worker she can’t stand? Check in right after and ask how it went. If she calls that co-worker a nasty nickname, that’s how you should refer to that coworker, too. You’re creating comradery by being on her side. Trust me, she doesn’t need you to play problem solver.

Plan your nights better

A lot of times, your partner wants to have sex before the night’s over, but by the time you guys have fussed about what to eat for dinner, bought groceries, cleaned up, and finally found a moment to relax, she’s over it. So plan your night better. Buy groceries on your lunch break. Pre-order delivery. There’s nothing like logistics to turn a woman off.

Give her immediate affection

Whatever you’re doing, when your partner walks in the door, drop it and give her lots of affection. You have one shot at this–don’t blow it. If you let her open her laptop or get in the shower, you’ll lose her attention. She’ll be in “get sh-t done’ mode and that’s that.

But don’t rush

Do you have any idea how in our heads we can get? We can’t enjoy sex if we see you peeking at the clock all night, worrying about how early you have to wake up.



Talk about work here and there 

If you don’t ask her about her work, she’ll feel distant from you. A lot has happened to her during the workday—let her share it so you can get on the same page.

Then move on

But don’t let her dwell too long on work talk. Once we go there, it’s hard to get us to relax. Find the right opening to change the subject, pour her a glass of wine and talk about something fun.



Check her out

We need to know that you wanted us long before we got into bed. We can’t stand when you don’t say or do one flirty thing all night, and then try to jump on us the second you’re under the sheets. Make it obvious you’re checking her out when she’s chopping vegetables. Grab her and kiss her neck when she’s opening the mail.

Get in bed first

I can’t really explain it, but if we wait around in bed for a long time while you brush your teeth and get yourself together, we start to feel like you don’t want to have sex. Beat her to bed. Watch her get ready and try knocking out those last tasks afterward.

Be patient

Even if you’re in bed first, if you immediately and aggressively make out with your partner when she gets into bed, she’ll feel like you want to get things over with quick, fast and in a hurry. Cuddle. Laugh. Talk. Make her feel like you guys have all the time in the world. Then she won’t be able to wait to get it on.

The general lesson…

We can’t just turn it on and off. And when you can easily go from no communication all day to trying to have sex the minute you walk through the door, we feel less than aroused.

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