Niecy Nash Addresses Critics Of Her ‘Blow Job A Day’ Marital Advice: “I Keep A Job And A Man, So I’m Doing Something Right’

I wanted to ask about your book, It’s Hard To Fight Naked. You released it a while ago, but everyone is still talking about it. There’s one particular nugget that you dropped about oral sex and how important it is to keeping a married man happy, or at least keeping your husband happy. There was a bit of criticism that came out about it, with one writer even arguing that your comments “set women back 100 years.” How do you feel about that kind of criticism?

I’ll say this, there is a very interesting place women find themselves in when they say, “I want to be in a relationship, and I want to be in a relationship with a man who is faithful.” But you get off the ride when to arrive to the point of what you need to do to keep him coming back for more. When I wrote my book, I was sharing my advice and my experience based on my journey. I have a 65-year-old mother who said to me, ‘I have lived in this world for 65 years and I would have never written down what you wrote and I would have never written that book. But I lived long enough to know baby girl, that every word of it is true.’

So it may be taboo to talk about, but at the same time, I don’t understand why. Your marriage bed is not defiled. Anything you want to get popping in there, you can make it do whatever needs to be done to keep your situation tight and right. I don’t feel like it’s setting women back. I feel like it’s making you free to make an informed decision about how you move around in your relationship…if your goal is happiness, fulfillment, and monogamy. If a man needs something that you’re not giving him, do you think that he’s just going to go without it?

In It’s Hard To Fight Naked, you called you waking your husband up to a blow job the “alarm clock.” Were you being literal when you said that you do this every morning?

I don’t have to try to prove a point. Do you want to talk to my husband? He can tell you. When I wrote the book, I wrote it from a very pure and real place. I was just trying to share what I felt. And I also had a lot of women who took issue with the fact that I said, ‘In a relationship, women are way more complicated than men are.’ We try to make it like the men are bringing all of the drama and the headaches. But the truth of the matter is, if you’ve been in one beauty shop, you’ve been in 10. The whole story of our emotions and the ups and downs and we want them to read our minds. We take men through quite a bit. But I feel like with them, because loving them, you start from a very simple place. For me, my experience leads me to think that we can get right off of the ride with the guys at snacks and sex.

And what I will say about this is that my book has been out for a while. It has sparked a conversation and to me that’s an important part. What are you discussing? The truth of the matter is, no one should be asking another woman about it. Because if you really are a feminist, you shouldn’t be asking a woman what she thinks about what another woman said. If you got a man— and that’s a capital I-F—go home and ask him. Go home and ask him about it. Don’t go asking another woman. You go home and ask that man you’re in that relationship with. What does he think about it? While we’re speaking in the fine print and they’re going all the way speaking headlines. It’s very grassroots when it comes to loving a man. You don’t have to be…you know there’s not this big formulaic equation that you have to step into. That’s my opinion. But you know what, if my opinions made you think opposite go get you a man or go ask the man you’ve got. Get you one and then ask him or go ask the one you’ve got…cuz I keep a job and a man. So I’m doing something right.

So where do you find the energy…for daily oral sex?

Where do I find the energy for what? For my man? Here’s the double dip on that question of finding the energy. I feel like I’m built to be a wife. I feel like in that, there’s a responsibility that comes with the job. No you don’t always want to get up and go to work, that’s why it’s called a “blow job.” But at the end of that two week period when you receive your payment for services rendered, you feel like, ‘Oh, I needed that. That came right on time.’ So there is a call on my life in my role as a wife to be of service. And in turn, my service is repaid by covering and protecting. So I’m not going to be without what I need on the other side of it because I’m also giving what is necessary for the relationship to have the reciprocity that it needs for us to both be fulfilled. So while I do have a family, I may not have to go into the kitchen because he knows I’ve been at work all day. So not only is he going to pick the baby up from school, he’s going to feed her and make sure he has something in the refrigerator for me too? Oh yeah, you about to get it when I get home.

There’s reciprocity in it. I’m not painting a picture of a woman who is just a martyr for the D-game. I’m not just going to live my life in service unto you, but what I am saying is that in the right relationship, being of service begets reciprocity of everybody’s needs being met…whatever they may be.