Somebody’s Lying Here: Ridiculous Things Men Say To Impress Women

July 15, 2014  |  
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As a general rule guys, if it’s not true, don’t say it. But even if you do think/feel/believe/do the following things, don’t say them. Nobody will believe you and everybody will call BS on these ridiculous things men say to impress women.











“Ugh, I hate when guys cat call women”

Okay I get it—you’re such a gentleman because you talk down to guys who are loud and open about flirting with women. Is that really your only game? Making fun of other men’s game?











“Magazines are clueless—men want curves”

I see right through this. And I’m not dumb: men like curves, but they also like small boobs, they like big butts, they like triangular butts, they like wide hips, skinny hips—they like women! And so do you and you’re trying to get laid.





“I’d be happy with no more than a cabin and my piano”

Oh, you’re so wise beyond your years and down to earth. You’re too good for city life, and nobody is as entertaining or challenging as your own mind, and the sound of the trees. Dude: get over yourself. I’ll be at Starbucks.


“I’m not going to try to sleep with you because I like you”

So…when you don’t like a girl you do sleep with her? Got it.


“I was the chubby and unattractive in high school”

Okay well, even if that’s true, you’re neither of those things now. So you can’t pull the pity card on me. I’m not going to sleep with you to make the nerd you used to be feel better.






“I’m such a mama’s boy”

I’ll believe it when I see it. Do you call her every day? Do you actually help her when she needs help? Do you visit her?












“I’m going to donate all my money someday”

Okay, how about you give that homeless guy we just walked by a dollar right now?








“I don’t need to drink—I’m buzzed on life”

Great for you pal. Are you going to order me a Manhattan or not?









“A lot of people probably misunderstand you”

And you do understand me? You, who I just met five minutes ago? And why do you think that? Because you mastered that “I’m so mysterious” thing you’re doing with your eyebrows? Get off it buddy.

“Women are just too superficial today, but not you”

Putting down my gender won’t exactly win my approval. And p.s., just because someone isn’t “superficial” doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy a designer bag sometimes. And that’s okay, too.










“I don’t online date, it’s just too impersonal”

Yeah yeah: you’re so old fashioned. I get it. And yet, you are on Facebook…

“I need to be in nature to get in touch with myself”

A little less talking, a little more walking (in the woods) guy. Do you actually go to the nature more than like, once a year, to get drunk and camp with your friends?


“How annoying are those girls over there?”

Again, putting down my gender won’t win you points. And as far as you know, maybe I also sometimes get a little too drunk and laugh too loud in a bar.




“I wear pink/do yoga/drink white wine and I’m not afraid to admit it”

So, what you’re saying is, there could be a reason to be afraid to admit those things? So what you’re really doing is trying to say you don’t think those things are girly meanwhile absolutely still calling them girly. Just drink the white wine and be quiet.




“I grew up with sisters so I understand women”

Do you honestly think you’re the first guy I’ve ever met who had sisters? Take a look at statistics buddy: millions of men have sisters. And millions of them still don’t understand women. So you’re not instilling that much confidence in me.

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