No one likes admitting he or she is wrong. It can be a nail-biting, teeth-grinding struggle to say “I’m sorry.” But, in order to maintain quality relationships, it’s very necessary. We are just as imperfect as the people in our lives; and conflicts, like a flattened pancake, always have two sides. Nine out of 10 times, there is something you could have done better.
In every situation someone has to be the bigger person. So, let that person be you. The ability to accept responsibility for your actions and put them out on the table is a sign of maturity and freedom. In admitting our faults, we become emotionally vulnerable. Though there is the potential for the trespassed to be unreceptive, the burden of secrecy is lifted. So what if you have wronged someone? Everyone makes mistakes. Conquering hurt and offense is a part of life.
True forgiveness makes way for healing and peace. All you can do is take the first steps towards it:
Evaluate the conflict
Determine the scope of your wrongdoing. Did you tell a little, white lie? Or did you sleep with your soror’s boyfriend? The worse the crime, the harder you will have to work to regain the relationship. If you hurt someone deeply, be prepared to for a lengthy process of forgiveness.
Accept responsibility for your action
Decide to be accountable. Trying to place blame on the other person won’t get you anywhere. When making amends, you have to deal with yourself. You are who you can control. No one can make you do anything or behave in a particular manner. They may provoke you but they can’t make you. Own the things you have said and done.
Think about what you could have done differently
Ask yourself: What could I have done better in this situation? Did I have to react like that? Why did I do it? Is there an issue deeper than the surface conflict? This will help you assess individual weakness and better equip yourself to handle similar situations in the future. It will also enable you to elaborate when taking responsibility for your actions.
Carefully construct an apology
When trying to repair a relationship, be careful not to come off high-browed, apathetic or unaffected. Think about what you are going to say before contacting the person. Write it down. Say it aloud so you can hear what it sounds like. You need be sure it will translate well to
someone who is upset. They need to hear you admit to all of your faults individually and; most importantly, it is not about what you say but how you say it. Make sure your tone and words are a good representation of your intentions.
Reach out
Don’t just make an attempt, but contact the family member, friend or acquaintance. Be relentless without being criminally intrusive. If calling doesn’t work, e-mail. If e-mails don’t work, Facebook. Even if the person gets a little annoyed, they will know you care enough to put in the effort. That speaks volumes.
Suggest ways to repair the relationship
Brainstorm ideas for rebuilding whatever aspects of the relationship were lost. This adds sincerity to your apology. When you ask for forgiveness you are also making the promise to change your behavior. Openly communicate your growth areas and suggest methods to help keep you on the right track. Speak for yourself, not for them.
Want to know more about LaShaun Williams? Check out her blog Politically Unapologetic, where she shares thoughts on pop culture, love and life. Follow her on Twitter @itsmelashaun.
