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You think you’ve got it figured out. You think you’re pretty good at detecting when a guy is into you, and you know you don’t act too clingy so you believe there should be no surprises in dating. But then one day you experience your first vanishing act—a guy who was committing more and more to you every day, but then one day disappeared, never to be heard of again. Confused? Here are a few reasons men disappear.
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You were a rebound, and he’s great at lying to himself
He thought he was totally over his ex, and he was trying to totally focus on you…but then his ex came back asking for a second chance. And it became very clear to him that you were a rebound, and he had just been lying to you and himself thinking that you weren’t.
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His friends and family were talking too much
About how great you are, about how well you fit in with the family, about what a great mother you’d make, about how much his mother likes you…and suddenly he felt like he couldn’t hear his own thoughts clearly about you, and if he went any further he’d have to marry you or disappoint his family, so he just got out.
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Suddenly all of his buddies are getting married
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He thought he was dating you simply because he liked you. But then one day, he woke up to four wedding invitations and three baby announcements, realized this is just the age when people settle down, and freaked out thinking maybe it was just his biological clock that liked you, and not him!
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He came across a deal breaker that’s awkward to talk about
He came across some quality of yours that, if he brought it up, he knew would only spark an enormous argument. He knew you’d never see eye to eye on the matter, and that it was better he just skulk off.
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He hooked up with somebody else
If things were still in the beginning stages and you weren’t official, his hormones may have gotten the best of him and he may have slept with somebody else. He didn’t technically have to tell you since you weren’t official yet, but he also knew he couldn’t continue seeing you with that secret on his shoulders (but he also knew he really didn’t want to tell you!) so he disappeared.
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Things were moving too fast
Even if he was the one moving things fast, inviting you on vacations and introducing you to his family, it could have all come crashing down on him as a little too real one day, and he could have realized there was no going backwards now.
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He was developing feelings, and didn’t want to
He has been terribly hurt in the past, has put up emotional walls that were supposed to keep him from crossing some threshold but somehow…he crossed it with you. And when he realized that he wasn’t “safe” anymore, and bolted.
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He’s afraid you’d argue with him
He thinks you have a very aggressive or argumentative personality, and feels that having a real breakup conversation with you would end with you somehow talking him back into the relationship.
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He is shallow and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings
You’re not good in bed or your boobs aren’t big enough. He hoped he could get over it but he couldn’t.
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You leaned on him for the first time
You leaned on him in a very real way for emotional support for the first time, and he suddenly realized he was partially responsible for keeping you happy, and that terrified him.
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You provoked his jealous/insecure side
He saw you hanging around your male friends for the first time and saw that you hug them a lot and hold their hands, or he saw you dance on a table at a bar, and couldn’t handle it.
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You gave criticism, not constructive criticism
You crossed the line in some way when giving him advice or your opinion on his life.
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He knows someone you dated or slept with
He found out that he knows someone you dated or slept with, and it made him extremely uncomfortable. But he didn’t want to bring it up to you because it would sound like he was judging you.
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He was dating other women
You didn’t know it, but he was dating several other women while he was dating you and he finally made his choice. And it just wasn’t you.
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He went broke
He went completely broke and is too embarrassed to tell you your dates would have to consist of eating Top Ramen on his living room floor.
