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The holidays are always an awkward time for new couples. You never know if you’re supposed to buy your new guy a gift, or send his parents a holiday card or, the ever-daunting question, whether or not you’re allowed to invite your new boyfriend home. With Thanksgiving just around the corner we figured you could use some hints to determine if it’s time to invite your guy home for the holidays.
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He’s mentioned how much you’ll like his family
It’s okay if you haven’t met them, or even spoken to them on the phone. It’s even okay if your guy hasn’t suggested a time you could meet them. So long as he has talked about your meeting them as if it’s a thing that will definitely happen—this could be as simple as him saying, “You’ll get along great with them,”—then you’re in the clear. He’s already thinking about the two of you spending extended amounts of time with one another’s families.
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He’s told you about his family
He’s talked all about them and you know that his sister is an ugly-duckling-turned-model who still has insecurity issues that she takes out on boyfriends, and that his dad has been emotionally closed off most of his life because of his strict father and today is in therapy to learn to be more open. You know—the gritty, personal details and bios. This shows he really wants to let you into his life, and probably wants to be let into yours too.
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He asks about your parents regularly
Several times a week he asks how your parents are doing and refers to specific things you mentioned about them like impending surgeries, a new dog, work they’re having done on the house etc. He considers them a part of his extended network of friends and family.
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He’s met your parents before
The holidays, with all the distant relatives around and the stress of cooking, are not the best time for your guy to meet your parents. He won’t see them under the best light and they’ll barely have time to get to know him one-on-one. So, if you can, arrange a casual meeting before Thanksgiving.
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He has an ally in a sibling
Even if your guy has met your parents before Thanksgiving, that doesn’t mean he’ll feel totally at ease. Family drama will break out and he’ll feel a little lost. If you have a laid back sibling or cousin you can introduce him to before Thanksgiving it’ll be nice for him to have a friendly face to look at when a family dispute is going on at the table.
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He knows your mean side
As much as you may love your family, you know they can bring out your mean side, your bratty side, your impatient side—you name it. Make sure your guy is already familiar with this side so he’s not totally taken aback when he discovers that you’re not perfect!
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He’s been de-briefed on your crazy aunt
If there are any, um, quirky members of your family that your guy should be warned of, warn him. You don’t want him bringing up the wrong, obscure topic and find that he’s driven an aunt to drink an entire bottle of wine by herself, or is receiving a lecture from a cousin.
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He invites you to all plus-one events
Office parties, friend’s birthday parties, weddings, housewarmings—you name it, he invites you. He’s ready to totally incorporate you into each category of his life.
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He invites you on double dates
If he asks you every week to hang out with Sue and Josh, who’ve been together for four years, that means he thinks your relationship is of the same quality, or on its way to being so.
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He’s talked about a trip in the far future
He’s said he’d like to go to China with you in 2015, or eventually backpack through Europe with you. If he’s talking about trips you have to plan way in advance for, he’s not leaving your side.
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He vents to you about his family
If he calls to let you know how crazy his dad is being, that means he thinks it’s totally okay for the two of you to be aware of how difficult one another’s families can be. So he’s ready for Thanksgiving with yours.
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You can really see this going somewhere
Don’t make your parents put in the effort of getting to know someone, and pay for his plate at the dinner table, and get attached to him, if you’re only feeling so-so about a long term thing with him.
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He can really see this going somewhere
Oh yeah, wanting to be in it for the long haul should be a mutually felt thing! Or else, once again, you’re wasting your family’s time.
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You discuss what going home for the holidays means
In some families, you only bring someone home when you’re trying to say, “I plan on marrying this person soon.” In others, everybody brings boyfriends and girlfriends home, even if the relationship is just three weeks new. Make sure your boyfriend knows what it means to you to bring him home.
