The term emotionally unavailable usually refers to those who create barriers between themselves and others in an effort to avoid emotional intimacy. Relationships with emotionally unavailable people are often depressing and distressing, as their partners end up feeling neglected, unloved and unwanted.
As a result, you look and feel bitter and are unable to experience the benefits of love.
Who wants to be vulnerable? It’s fair to assume that no one likes feeling exposed, weak, or defenseless. Of course those of us who have been in love know that this sometimes comes with the territory. But after dealing with cheaters, liars, toppled with a bundle of heartbreak, some people bounce back into love while others are skeptical and left guarding their emotions. This is all fine if you don’t want to reap the experiences of a loving, healthy relationship; but if you do, chances are being unemotionally available will prevent you from the experience.
So how do you know if you are emotionally unavailable?
1. Constantly Critical
If you tend to find fault in almost anything pertaining to relationships or someone of the opposite sex, you’re probably displaying these feelings on the outside, thus turning others away from wanting to get to know you better. Figure out what’s making you so critical and try to be more optimistic.
2. Full of Excuses
You think he’s attractive, funny, and you actually ‘click’ on the phone or via email; but when he asks to see you or to take you out, you’re full of excuses: your hair isn’t done, you’re too tired, or you’re just not in the mood. Try to determine what’s the real reason behind your myriad of excuses?
3. Your List of ‘Pet Peeves’ Rule Out The Majority of the Male Population
This goes hand in hand with making excuses. If every man you meet demonstrates at least one of your long list of pet peeves, then it may be time to re-evaluate yourself. Are these pet-peeves the real reason you don’t want to move forward or are you looking for a way out because of fear?
4. You Get Nervous When Things Are Going Too Well
You’ve gone out on a few dates. You like him, and he seems to like you; subconsciously you can’t shake the feeling that something bad is about to happen because things don’t normally go this well, do they?
If you get nervous when things are going to well, you may be hiding some deep emotional issues that are preventing you from enjoying the moment. Maybe something bad will happen, maybe not; but at least you get to live in the moment and experience moments of happiness.
5. You’re Afraid To Tell Him How You Really Feel
While you shouldn’t open up too soon (that tends to scare most people away), don’t be afraid to let someone know how you feel when the time is right. If you constantly have an urge to let your significant other know how much he means to you but refrain from doing so because of appearing too needy or dependent, you may be sabotaging your relationship from progression.
6. Refuse To Receive Help
If you catch yourself constantly repeating ‘I don’t need anybody for anything’, chances are you may be emotionally unavailable. For whatever reason, you’ve attempted to convince yourself that you don’t need anybody. While you may not need anyone for self-approval, the reality is that people were put on earth to socialize, interact, and reproduce with guess what…other people. This way of thinking, although maybe subconsciously can come off as rude or aloof. Allow others to help you if needed, especially your significant other.
7. Fear of Sharing Too Much
If he’s the only one sharing his likes, dislikes, childhood memories, etc and you’re keeping quiet because you’re not the type to share your history, then this could be a sign of being emotionally unavailable. This is part of the getting to know someone process; and if you aren’t open to sharing, he will more than likely find someone who will.
Of course you should be very careful who you share intimate details with, but if you’ve talked for months or years and you’re still uncomfortable, self-examine the reasons why.
8. You Constantly Question Others’ Motives
Okay I’d be lying if I pretended that the world is full of saints who want the very best for you and would never hurt you; but then again some people really aren’t that bad; and simply do nice things because they like you. If every time someone does something nice for you, you assume they are out to get you, you’re blocking out the good people. Don’t assume the worst, until proven otherwise.
