Save It! The Worst Relationship Advice From Black Rom Coms

October 19, 2012  |  
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If you’ve been paying attention, you’ve noticed that relationship advice is everywhere. In television shows, in books, on this site and even in church, everybody has something to say about what you should be doing in your relationship. Some of it can be valuable, depending on the source; but in most instances, the relationship advice we get from the media (and people easily influenced by the media) ranks somewhere on the ridiculousness meter. The most blatant examples of terrible relationship advice come from a lot of women’s favorite form of media: romantic comedies. Don’t believe me? Check out some of these examples…

If he shares his last morsel of food with you, he loves you

This particular gem came from the 2001 movie, The Brothers. In a rare moment, when the women had a moment to themselves, the mother figure Louise Smith (played by the perpetual mother, Jennifer Lewis) told all of the eager young women in the room, the way to know if a man really loves you, is to wait until he’s down to his last bite of a meal he truly enjoys. As it’s sitting on the plate, before he pops it into his mouth, ask him if he wants that. If he lets you have the last bite, then you know he loves you for sure. Ridiculous. True, love should be self sacrificing; but whether or not you man lets you have a piece of his gnarled up chicken wing, is no type of test for true love. You’ll have to require a bit more than that.


If he sees you off to the airport, when you’re going to see your ex–then he’s serious about the relationship

After reading this piece of advice, I don’t even have to tell you it’s crazy as all hell. And as much as I love to love Love Jones, I’m sorry to say this little tidbit came from this classic film. Remember when Nina (Nia Long) was going to go visit her ex fiancé, even though she had just started sleeping with Darius (Larenz Tate)? Well, in true delusional best friend fashion, Josie (Lisa Nicole Carson) told her, the way to tell if Darius was serious about their relationship or not was to see if he freaked out or not when she went to visit her ex. How ridiculous! I don’t know about you and your crew; but if a man I was dating told me he was going to go see if he could patch things up with his ex girl, the absolute last thing I would do was to make a scene. You’re going to do what you want to do, there’s no reason I should flip out over your foolishness.

He only loves you if he’s crazy…and therefore able to cause bodily harm to himself

This 2004 flick kind of went a bit under the radar. Breakin’ All The Rules came out just a couple of years before Jamie Foxx would win the Oscar for his portrayal of Ray Charles. Before that he was Quincy Watson, an author who had written a successful guide on how to break up with people. After publishing the book, he unknowingly meets his cousin’s soon-to-be ex girlfriend and the two hit it off. On their first date, Quincy tells the soon-to-be ex, Nicky (Gabrielle Union), that to be in love with somebody places you in an altered mental state. (Ok, we can go with that.) And that state defies our natural instincts, including self preservation. So much so that when a person is in love, he or she would be able to bite through their own flesh. LOL I’m sorry, I wish I was making this stuff up. But I promise you, it’s in the movie. There’s no need to even discuss this one, yeah I love you and I might even be willing to harm myself to protect you; but what does biting through my own flesh have to do with anything?!

If you’ve slept with your man’s best friend, keep it on the hush

You already know this sentiment comes from The Best Man. No one ever explicitly stated that Mia (Monica Calhoun) should not tell Lance (Morris Chestnut) about her infidelity, but no one ever told her to come clean either. In fact, even I, was slipping. Throughout the whole movie, I’m rooting for Lance and Mia to just proceed with their wedding as if nothing happened. But in reality, if my fiancé slept with one of my homegirls, the woman who is going to stand next to me at my wedding, I don’t care long ago it was, that’s something I need to know. No one every really addressed her scandalousness in the situation. Now, I’m not saying those two shouldn’t have gotten married, but they surely should have postponed the wedding, if even for a couple of hours, so they could hash things out. It’s not so much that she slept with him, it’s that she lied by omission for all those years. That’s just foul.

You should always maintain power in your relationship

This movie, though immensely entertaining in my opinion, is chock full of all types of bad relationship advice. The whole movie, as the title would suggest, is based on the premise that you can control a man (and woman) through the use of manipulative tactics and tricks. Shante (Vivica Fox) is discouraged when she finds her man out dancing with one of his female coworkers, when he claimed he had to work late. Well, instead of having a real conversation with him about how his behavior was unacceptable, she went through a long and exhausting series of games in order to punish him and realize the error of his ways. She’d do things like pretend she didn’t care, rush him off the phone when they were talking, offer to pay the check when they went out and seduce him, knowing she was just going to withhold sex. Crazy. The only redeeming factor in this movie is that at the end of it, Shante realizes when you really love someone, there’s really no need for the madness.

Interrogate the mess out of a man on the first date

Personally, I don’t understand why women are so hard on Steve Harvey. Sure, you shouldn’t follow some of his rules to the tee (the 90 day rule in particular) but the concepts behind them aren’t as outrageous as some of his critics would have you believe. They just seemed more like common sense to me. But to each her own. I think the issue with Steve Harvey’s book, “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man” and subsequent movie, Think Like a Man were so problematic because people took the advice too literally. Harvey’s book tells you that you should ask a man about his long and short term goals. Great questions, you need to know what his plans are, but are those questions you should fling out on the first date? Probably not. Especially now that Steve Harvey has a best selling book and hit movie. If you start talking those long and short term goals, he already knows you subscribe to Harvey’s philosophies.

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