The Gloves Are Off: Pilar Sanders Says Divorce is Filled With Abuse and Lies

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Even if you don’t like sports, chances are you’ve heard of Pilar Sanders and her bitter divorce battle with former NFL and MLB player Deion Sanders.

The couple married in 1999 after meeting on LL Cool J’s show, “In The House”. Last year, Deion filed for divorce after 13 years, three kids and a reality show, but they continued to live together in their multi-million-dollar Texas mansion. In April, Pilar was arrested for assaulting him and ordered to stay away. The very next month, the judge ordered him to pay $10,500 a month in child support. Their entire debacle was fodder for headlines and Deion Sanders openly talked about it via his Twitter account and news networks.

For Pilar’s part, she has said that Deion is using the couple’s divorce and custody battle over their three children to boost his public image. Unwilling to let him come off as the good guy uncontested, Pilar sat down with Hello Beautiful to discuss the ordeal, what she would do over again, and the physical abuse she says she endured during their marriage. Here’s part of the Q & A:

It seems that when you do a search online about Pilar Sanders, nothing but negative news items appear, what can and/or are you willing to do to make people see you in a positive light?

Negative, only now because of the divorce and everything surrounding it. Most divorces aren’t happy occasions. Neither is mine. My divorce just happens to be with an ex pro baller (football and baseball) and is filled with abuse, lies, and part-time parenting. All I can do is be me. I’ve been honest, tried to be private and always been a good mother (putting my children first). Anything negative about me came from lies and or from those who don’t know me. But I can’t worry about that, all I can do is live my life the best way I can. I cannot worry about things that I can’t change or have no control over. Everyone is going to have an opinion whether it’s based on truth or lies, regardless, that’s life. My truth is my life whether it is accepted or not.

If you never married Deion, what would you be doing?

Acting! I was a Ford model and an actress before and when I met Deion. I was standing well on my own two feet. I moved to LA and was making a pretty good name for myself when I met him. In addition to me being an actress, I’m sure I would be much further along than I am now in building my career and life around a business in Health, Fitness & Beauty.

If you can do anything in life over again, what would it be and why?

Hindsight is 20/20! That’s no lie. I would have definitely remained focused on my career a lot longer before getting married and taking a hiatus. I would’ve still had my babies, but I would also have Pilar. You know what I mean? I would be the successful actress, model, the savvy entrepreneur, then the wife and mother – in that order. Now I’m going backwards, back to my roots of acting and will finally utilize my savvy business skills for myself and not focus on building my partner. I’ve learned that we as women can’t stop doing ‘us’ for the sake of taking care of our husbands. As women, we are natural nurturers, we are known to put our stuff, our career and lives on the back burner to make sure that our men are “on point.” I wouldn’t do that again. I now know I have to do Pilar FIRST and everything else will fall into place.

As a mother, would you say you are a good role model for your children?

Absolutely! I believe role models should indeed be those closest to you and who do the most for you. I believe hands on mothers, as myself, have so much influence on our babies. It’s amazing. We shape their thoughts, behaviors their character; we give them a point of reference for love, respect and life in general! There’s nothing more precious and needed than mommies.

What would you do if you saw your children acting in a similar way you and your ex acted?

I have seen that! My boys were beginning to treat my daughter and every female around them how they saw my husband treat me and it broke my heart! I had to immediately confront this behavior and consistently bring truth to what they were doing and as to what they witnessed. Removing them from the situation was seemingly impossible because the help I sought were (as I later found out) a part of the problem as well. I am still in the process of removing my children from having to witness such disrespect and male chauvinism but unfortunately the courts take their time and don’t always choose to look at the truth that is presented before them. I continually speak with my children and they are coming along. I know they love their sister, their mommy and women, it’s important for me to keep them level headed.

You say that you were abused by Deion, if he wasn’t a successful athlete, would you have allowed him to get away with what he did get away with?

First and foremost, his status in the media never dictated to me on how he has or should have treated me. I loved Deion for who he was, not for WHAT he was. And when you’re in a situation you can’t see the forest for the trees – as they say. I didn’t realize it was abuse until going through this divorce. In the very beginning another woman who had a very similar experience opened my eyes and labeled it. I knew Deion was a very difficult and rude person at times, but I saw him treat everybody close to him like that. So I simply thought it was his personality. Sometimes he was very mean sometimes he was kind. His moods would drastically change if the wind blew a certain way. There was never any rhyme or reason with his mood swings, so after years of seeing and experiencing this type of behavior I just accepted it as him being him. So, I began to ignore it. When it became physical I had no choice but to defend myself and my children. I loved him and believed him EVERY single time he said he was sorry and wouldn’t do it again. I loved Deion and loved our family. Yes common sense tells you it’s abuse, but common sense isn’t always turned on, especially when you’ve been it in so long. I was in it for 13 and a half years, married and a few years before that.

Do you think you need any more publicity?

For what reason? For myself no, not at all. If it’s to help other women better themselves or boost their self esteem through my trials, tribulations, habits or secrets then sure.

What does Pilar want to be known for?

For the amazing love I have for my babies, my family, women and people in general. For how I see life, love God and how my Health, Fitness and Beauty teachings help change the lives of children, women and families across the world.

Despite her desire to be known for other things, for the time being, Pilar will be known for her nasty divorce from Deion (who ironically, was rumored to have left his first wife for her.) Maybe she will be able to shift all of her negative press into something positive and move completely past being “Deion’s ex-wife”. It’s not likely, but it’s Hollywood. Stranger things have definitely happened.

What do you think about Pilar’s side of the story?

Follow Alissa Henry on Twitter @AlissaInPink

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