Too Close For Comfort: 7 Signs He Will Be Too Needy

July 8, 2012  |  
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Women put up with a lot of games. We’re told not to scare guys off, not to chase them or show too much interest. It leaves us re-wording every single text message just to make sure we’re not coming on too strong. And it also leaves us in a place where, if a guy comes in and wants to sweep us off our feet and give us his all, we’re so happy for the change of pace that we can fail to question it. But wait! Even though we wish more of the good guys would speed things up and commit, the fact is that most of them take it slow. It’s how they function. So, along with being grateful for the rare ones, be cautious and question why they’re not part of the status quo. They might just be too needy.


Grand statements

“I’ve never felt this way before,” “You’re the most wonderful girl I’ve every met” “I can really see this going somewhere.” No one can actually know these things with even a drop of certitude after only a couple of dates. Your heart might flutter at these kinds of comments coming very early on from a guy, but pause: the type of man who says this from the get go is the type who is looking to jump into something. Typically, he wants a relationship so bad, that he projects ideas onto any girl who will go out with him. He makes you out in his head to be something you’re not, so that he can justify rushing things with you. It might be frustrating to have to wait ages to hear such sentiments from most men but, at least if you wait for it, you know it means something.

Makes plans during your plans

It’s cute if a guy asks once, when the moment is right, “So, when can I see you again?” or “I’m going to this thing next week, want to be my date?” At which point you can either say yes, or you can say that you’re busy. He’s put his interest out there and you know he wants to see you again. The ball is in your court now. But a needy guy doesn’t abide by that rule. He will ask you multiple times throughout a date, “So, what about this date? Can you hang out with me then? No? Well what about this one?” It might seem charming that he wants to guarantee himself a time slot in your schedule but no self-respecting guy will push the matter. You’re not his girlfriend yet: you’re just on a first or second date. Looking over your calendars to plan your next five dates is something couples do. If a guy is trying to do this, he is trying to act like a couple already.

Still hurt over an ex

In case you somehow missed the worldwide memo, DON’T DATE FRESHLY SINGLE MEN. You’ll get one of two behaviors from them: 1) They are completely emotionally distant, always leaving you pulling teeth just to get an inch closer to them or 2) They will be so desperately trying to ignore the pain of their recent breakup, that they will smother you. They will want to be with you all the time, travel with you, introduce you to their family and try to seamlessly slip you right into the role their ex played. If a man just broke up with another woman, he has a big gaping hole in him, and it’s a hole that is too big for you to fill. Only time can fill it. But, if he tries to cheat time and just date you instead, he will be a bottomless pit of need.

Not happy in his job/friendships/life

A relationship is the simple fix for everything. But not really—people just try to treat it as such. Heartbroken over an ex? Just date someone new! Just moved to a new town and have no friends? Just date someone and cling onto their life! Have no idea what direction to take with your career? Just latch onto a successful person and become their cheerleader—put off your own career until later because theirs will keep you busy enough! Okay: yes, a relationship can be exciting and distracting (key word) and can actually make you feel very happy, even when you were very unhappy before. But not for long. Trying to slap a relationship onto your unsatisfying life is like trying to close up a dam with a band-aid: eventually, it just can’t support the pressure of being the only thing keeping things together! If a guy doesn’t have friends, hates his job, and is overall unsatisfied with the projection of his life, don’t date him. He will turn to you far more than the healthy amount because he’s got nothing else.

Wants you to meet everyone, now

Think about it: you vet a guy before introducing him to your friends and family. You want to make sure it’s actually going somewhere with him before you get everybody’s hopes up plus you want to make sure he won’t be embarrassing in any way. And that’s normal. Men are the same way. When a man makes the decision to introduce you to his crew, that means he has made the decision in his head that he wants to pursue things with you and sees serious potential. So, if a guy is setting up times for you to meet all of his best friends and his family after just the first or second date, what does that say? It says that based on barely any information about you at all, he has decided he wants to pursue something serious with you. And what type of man does that? The needy type.


Serial monogamist

Maybe don’t ask for a power point presentation of his past relationships on the first date but, if you’ve been out a handful of times, you have the right to know what this guy’s history is. You’re putting your feelings on the line and that information could tell you a lot about the guy. Particularly if you discover that he is a serial monogamist. If his love life looks something like a tightly woven string of back to back relationships, without a moment to breath in between (at least a couple months single after a half year relationship is good and 4 months after a year+ long relationship) then this man cannot be alone. And if someone cannot be alone, you can bet he’ll be needy.


Discusses the future

Under no circumstances should a man be inviting you on vacations, business trips, to a wedding or anything far off in the future within just the first few dates. No matter how caught up in the moment you get, a sane and stable man knows that is not a good idea. A sane and stable man does not want to commit himself to anything until he knows you’re a good match. A needy man wants to get you to commit because, he doesn’t care if you’re a good match—he’ll make it a good match. He just wants to be with somebody and lock you down. If a man is saying he’d like to take you to his family’s ranch in the mountains on the second date, run. He’s probably secretly plotting your wedding, too.

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