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Wake up. Think about a man. Get dressed, while thinking about a man. Go to work. Complain to co-workers about not having a man. Go home and talk to friends about why none of you have a man. Go to bed. Dream about a man.

If this is the story of your life, this will probably remain the story of your life, unless you actually get a life. Men should be additives and not the reason you eat and breathe. Unfortunately, some women have become so obsessed with the idea of finding Mr. Right that they’ve allowed it to consume their lives, thus sitting around playing the waiting game while life passes them by.

Then there are other women who end up getting in a relationship, only to allow their man and relationship to define their existence. Sound a bit extreme? Surprisingly, it happens more than you realize.

So how do you know if you are one of these relationship-obsessed women whose world revolves around men? Consider these six, somewhat blatant signs.

You Don’t Want To Go Out With The Girls Unless Guys Are Involved

I have a friend who in the past would automatically ask “Who’s going to be there?” if she was asked to go on an outing. Although to some this question may appear harmless, as her friend I knew exactly what she meant. She really wanted to know if there would be any guys (that she would find attractive) there, and would they be single.

While there is nothing wrong with wanting to be in the ‘right place at the right time’ with a few eligible bachelors, it is something wrong with you declining every invitation that doesn’t involve your personal Idris Elba’s and Boris Kodjoe’s. Your outings with the girls should not always consist of personal manhunts. You may find that once you stop looking so hard, voila! He may appear.

Your Life Begins ‘When You Get a Man’

Some people put life on hold, until they drop a few pounds, get more money, etc. Then there are others, specifically some women, who make plans ‘when they get a man.’ “I am going to start cooking…when I get a man. I will take more vacations…when I get a man. Oh and church…I will go more often…when I get a man.”

Getting a man is not guaranteed, so don’t waste valuable time waiting for Mr. Right to do all the things you might really want to do (exotic vacations for instance). If you put plans on hold until the “perfect time” or perfect man comes along, you may miss out on good times and opportunities.

You Constantly Compare Yourself To Women Who Have Men

If you often find yourself overly admiring someone else’s relationship or even criticizing it every chance you get, you may be overly consumed with relationships. Perhaps, because of your lack of one.  Don’t know what I mean?

If you cried when you heard the Will and Jada rumors, prayed that you could be a seemingly happy power couple like Jay and Bey, or even sat on Facebook wondering how your married college friends snagged their college sweethearts while all you left with was a degree, then you may be overly consumed with men and relationships. Everyone’s circumstances are different;  sometimes things aren’t as they appear. I don’t know all the answers to happiness, but there is one surefire way to be unhappy, and that’s by constantly comparing your situations to others.

When You Get In a Relationship, You Seek To Spend All Your Free Time With Your New Man

Allowing a relationship to consume your existence is probably one of the most common subconscious things that some women do; and most times many never realize that they’ve allowed their man to consume their lives until he’s gone. When their friends call them out on their extreme behavior, they usually chalk it up to the friend being jealous. Or if people claim that they’ve changed then they assume that the person means for the better.

If your conversations revolve around your relationship and you no longer do things with other loved ones besides your man, you may be allowing your relationship to be your everything. This may not pose a problem while you’re in love and the relationship is going well; but once/if it’s over, then you will realize all of the people you neglected and choices you regret simply because you allowed your relationship to define you.


You’re Bored When You’re Not Dating

Unless you’re in a relationship, your days seem routine and mundane. You only remember being happy when you were in a relationship and believe that this is the key to your future happiness and excitement.

Well, getting a man is not a guarantee and going out on a date that you consider ‘quality’ isn’t either. So if you’re bored unless you’re in a relationship, you need to figure out ways, sans a boo, to spice up your own life. Because if you can’t stand being alone and happy with yourself, how can you expect someone else to be happy with you?


You Read More Books About Men and Relationships Than A Psychologist

You were probably one of the first to purchase, Steve Harvey’s Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man; and when the new blockbuster film hit the theaters, you were lined up on opening night with your girls.

Your bookshelf is full of books about men and how to snag your Mr. Right. You’ve attempted to follow all of the recycled tips to no avail; but you still keep buying them. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with reading about men and relationships, there is something wrong with only reading about men and relationships.

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