To The Black Girl Avoiding The Pool Party: A Love Letter
Let’s cut the fluff—sis, it’s hot. You deserve the water.
Not next summer. Not after you lose 10 pounds. Not when your weave is laid or your lashes are perfect. Now.
This is a tough‑love moment wrapped in love. Because if you wait for the “perfect” time to show up, you might just miss the whole summer—and those special moments in your life.
Joy doesn’t need a checklist. It lives in belly rolls, stretch marks, new braids, natural roots, postpartum flips—all of it. This message isn’t about size. It’s for the girl rating the Love Island bods and wondering if she fits; for the teen afraid boys won’t look twice; for the mom missing her pre-baby shape; for the woman who’s working on her goals but feels like she’s not there yet.
The Numbers Don’t Lie
Your feelings are valid, and you aren’t alone in them. According to Psychology Today, 46% of women say they feel insecure in swimsuits—and 33% would rather go to the dentist than hit the pool.
We’ve all been there. I can’t tell you the countless number of cover-ups get worn in the water. But the time is now! Show us that beautifully melanated skin.
Seasonal depression is real, not just during cuffing season. Research on “body dissatisfaction spikes in summer,” says that nearly 70% of women report intensified self-critique as swimsuit season nears.
The moment the sun comes out, the comparison game begins. Group chats about beach days. Posts about body goals. Ads pushing “quick fixes.” Even if you were feeling fine in February, June can shake that.
According to Dove’s Self‑Esteem Project, a March 2022 study of over 1,000 girls aged 10–17 found that 52% say toxic beauty advice on social media causes low self-esteem, and 90% follow at least one account that makes them feel less beautiful.
Let’s be honest—filtered feeds do hit different. The more we scroll, the more things can get murky. What starts as inspiration quickly can become intimidation. But comparison is the thief of joy. These stats don’t expose weakness—they confirm how much pressure is being placed on all of us.
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The Pressure to Be “Pool Party Perfect”
I can’t tell you how many times Ozempic is mentioned online. Like, why is this trending? The New Yorker details how GLP‑1 drugs like Ozempic have reset celebrity beauty norms.
Lizzo, a longtime body‑positive icon, admitted she tried Ozempic, but ultimately prioritized a shift toward whole foods, movement, and healing over chasing trends.
Ice Spice, glowing and booked, also catches strays with her weight fluctuations. In her recent song “Hannah Montana,” one of her bars says, “Yeah, I got slim, but I still eat my oats.” She further cleared up the chatter saying:
“It’s called the gym. It’s called eating healthy. It’s called being on tour…Maybe if I was sitting home all day, it would be easier to stay big.”
Then there are the Love Island contestants, the Baddies on Zeus Network with BBLs, GloRilla’s nose job, and the Kardashian-era silhouette—all reflecting a curated kind of beauty.
This isn’t shade. Enhancing your body is your business. If you’ve got the coin, the confidence, and the clearance—go for it. Do you. What we won’t do is pretend these shifts don’t impact the rest of us. When everyone on screen is sculpted and snatched, it can make the rest of us question whether our natural shape is “enough.” But it is. Always.
When In Doubt, Put On Your Braveface
Cue Halle Bailey’s new single and video “Braveface.” No promo. No filters. Just her. The glam fades. The clothes drop. Her body, bare and unbothered, tells a story louder than any press release.
She sings:
Even when you don’t feel strong, even if shame is whispering in your ear—your presence is brave. Your body in that water becomes your statement: you matter. You belong.
Hair, Highlight, Anxiety—We See You
Maybe you’re avoiding chlorine because it messes with your coils. But sis, that’s what protective styles are for! The workaround isn’t staying home—it’s preparing. Try soaking braids, intertwining Bantu knots, slick buns, scarf wraps, or swim caps that keep your edges laid and your peace intact. Remember that someone else is looking up to you. You are your ancestor’s wildest dreams. You are literally the future.
Maybe it’s anxiety—about boys staring, or not being seen at all. You don’t have to pretend you’re unbothered. But don’t disappear, either. The water doesn’t care, and the right people don’t either.
Maybe deeper wounds—heartbreak, postpartum shifts, mental health struggles. Here’s the one drop you need: a systematic review and meta-analysis published in Frontiers in Psychiatry found that aquatic exercise significantly reduces symptoms of mood disorders and anxiety—especially through light aquatic aerobics.
You don’t have to dive in. You just have to show up.
A Love Letter and a Challenge
This is for you:
I see you. I respect every point of your journey. But I’m also the friend who’ll text you: “Throw that swimsuit in your trusty Telfar or fave tote bag, and get in the car.”
Because I’m not letting you sit this one out.
Not when it’s hot. Not when you love the water. Not when your body is doing its thing—evolving, recovering, existing. You don’t have to feel all the way ready. You just have to be brave enough to show up.
Clap for yourself. Surprise yourself. Say, “Fuck what anyone thinks.” Then take a picture—cropped or not—and keep going. Even if all you do is sit poolside with your feet in.
This is your body. Your summer. Your moment.
Suit up. Show out. I’ve got you.
Show up anyway.
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