4 Money Red Flags That Shouldn’t Be Ignored In A Relationship

Money can be tricky on its own, but throw love into the mix, and it can quickly go from a minor headache to a major relationship dealbreaker. Financial tension is one of the top causes of conflict between couples, and if it’s not addressed early, it can lead to resentment or even a breakup.

That’s why it’s crucial to get financially aligned from the beginning—ideally during the dating phase—before things get serious. To avoid future drama, keep an eye out for a few key red flags that could signal deeper money issues down the line. Catching them early can save you a whole lot of heartache (and maybe even your wallet).

Here are four key financial warning signs that you should be looking for while dating.

1. They hide their spending.

Everyone deserves a little financial privacy, but if your partner is actively hiding receipts, deleting transaction histories, or dodging questions about purchases—especially when you share expenses—that’s a red flag.

“Secret spending suggests someone either has a spending problem they’re ashamed of, or they don’t view the relationship as a partnership,” Fred Harrington, a financial expert with Save My Cent—a digital savings platform—told Vice in an article published June 22. “Either way, it’s concerning.”

Here are a few things to take note of. Do they act defensive when you bring up money? Have you “discovered” purchases they didn’t mention? If so, it’s time for a serious discussion. Whether you’re sharing bills or just planning for the future, it’s important to keep an eye out for signs that your partner may not be financially aligned—or worse, that they’re showing irresponsible financial habits. Long-term, their careless decisions can impact you. 

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2. They try to control your finances.

On the flip side, if your partner tries to control your spending or dictate how you manage your money, that’s not just a red flag—it’s a bright flashing warning sign. Financial control can quickly cross into emotional or economic abuse.

Whether it’s them telling you what you “should” buy, criticizing your financial choices, or limiting access to joint accounts, it’s important to speak up and set boundaries. 

Ashley Bendiskson, a motivational speaker and survivor of abuse, says communicating your fears and issues about your partner’s controlling financial behavior may be the key to rebuilding trust in the relationship—but only if it is “safe” to do so.

“This is not recommended for partners who are extremely financially abusive and/or who perpetrate other abusive behaviors as well. The truth is, money is a tricky area, linked to triggers and belief systems developed throughout life and childhood,” the relationship expert penned in an article titled Is Your Partner Controlling About Money? Common Behaviors and What to Do.

If their behavior becomes aggressive and abusive, it’s time to leave.

3. They don’t plan for the future.

A partner who shrugs off savings, lives paycheck to paycheck by choice, or seems fine racking up credit card debt with no plan in sight may not be ready for the financial responsibility a serious relationship requires. While not everyone can build a massive emergency fund overnight, your partner should at least show some initiative to manage money wisely, budget, or plan long-term.

If your partner is showing signs that they are not ready to level up financially, have a serious conversation about their long term goals. Are they comfortable ignoring bills or avoiding savings goals? Do they rely on you to “figure it out” when things get tight? These questions can make or break a relationship.  

To put things into perspective, a 34-year-old woman identified as V told Buzzfeed in 2023 that she was making “$100k more” than her boyfriend at the time, and while there were times she did not mind picking up the tab for fun outings and expenses, their unbalanced financial dynamic eventually began putting “a strain” on the relationship. 

“If I really want to do something, but I know he financially can’t, I will offer to pay for him. It has put a strain on the relationship. I feel he is a bit more resentful toward me and expects me to pick up a majority of the tabs,” V shared. “He also feels like he should be earning more but can’t seem to find a job where he does and has struggled with identity and purpose. I help him through that as much as I can.”