Petty Is As Petty Does: Emotional Maturity Doesn’t Always Come With Age

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How To Grow Your Emotional Maturity

Young woman in violet blouse with a notebook in hands

Source: Oleksandr But / Getty

At our core, we all want to experience intimacy with other humans and enjoy close bonds in our lives. We want this in our friendships, romantic relationships and family relationships. It can be hard to feel close to others when you struggle to regulate your emotions or respond in a healthy way to theirs. Though it will take time, there are things you can do to improve your emotional maturity and stop allowing emotions to rule your life. Some things you can do include:

  • Journaling. Journaling gives you a risk-free way to express your emotions. Nobody is harmed when you express your feelings in your private journal (as opposed to outwardly, to others). From there, you can take a step back and examine your feelings without judgment. You can pick up on patterns and triggers, recognizing what events or people bring up these feelings. And from there, can come up with a plan to self-soothe or calm your nerves (such as through meditation) before these events come up. You can also discuss the patterns you see with a therapist, who can help you understand what events in your life have caused these triggers.
  • Surround yourself with emotionally mature people. It’s never too late to find role models. Look for people who experience low or no drama in their lives, exhibit even and regulated emotions, and even respond to your emotions in a way that you admire. These are emotionally mature individuals and by being around them, you can learn to mimic them.
  • Find a therapist. A good therapist will be well-versed in how certain patterns in childhood, as well as certain traumatic experiences, can be linked to emotional immaturity in adulthood. They will also know of behavioral exercises and practices that can help you slowly achieve emotional maturity. MADAMENOIRE covers affordable ways to find therapy here.


When you do start to become more emotionally mature, you’ll start to notice changes in your behavior. You’ll likely find that you don’t feel the need to react in the moment to your own feelings. You’ll also get better at recognizing the emotions of others, and giving them the space they need to have their feelings. You’ll find that you can receive feedback in relationships without getting defensive, and that you’ll take responsibility for your emotions rather than blaming others. Through all of these changes, you’ll experience more fulfilling relationships and a better sense of control over your day-to-day emotional experience.

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