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Honesty is arguably the most important quality in a healthy relationship. Honesty correlates with trust, and without trust, relationships tend to crumble quickly. In fact, one of the nation’s top relationship researchers John Gottman told Berkeley’s Greater Good Magazine that the most common issue he sees in couples he works with is a lack of trust. It’s difficult to feel safe being vulnerable with someone when you don’t feel they’re telling you the truth. Even from a young age, people start to pick up on the importance of trust in relationships.
One study found that 79 percent of adolescent Black girls agree with the statement, “If you don’t have honesty in a relationship, then there is no relationship.” It’s hammered into one’s psyche from a young age – you need honesty to make a relationship work. There is a lot of beauty and purity in that sentiment. But…anyone who has actually been in the trenches of a long-term relationship has learned the hard way that sometimes, telling the truth (or at least all of it) is not the best course of action. Research, studies and analysis happen on paper and in classrooms – not in real life. Real life is a bit more complicated. Here are times honesty in a relationship may not be the best option.
Outsider Opinion
Your friends and family will probably give you their opinion on your partner. It might be complimentary – it might not be. Pro tip: Don’t share the negative criticism with your partner. If people who love you share genuine concerns about the health or stability of your relationship, that’s something to take seriously. But if they just think your partner talks too loud or doesn’t dress fashionably, they don’t need to know that. And they certainly don’t need to know that they liked your ex more.
