MadameNoire Featured Video


Although my New Year’s resolution won’t allow me to actively support shows like Love & Hip Hop, Basketball Wives and The Real Housewives of Atlanta for a variety of reasons, I came across a clip from the season finale of Love & Hip Hop’s second season and felt compelled to comment.

While Emily B. continues to ponder through her tumultuous relationship with rapper Fabolous, she receives advice from multiple sources on how to approach his lifestyle and it’s effect on their relationship. In the process, she receives this gem from Chrissy Lampkin, fiancée of rapper Jim Jones.  She basically breaks down to Emily B. that dating rappers or men involved in the music industry means that you have to be “realistic.”  She doesn’t tell Emily B. to ignore or turn a blind eye to infidelity, but basically to accept that “things happen” and that any man who cares about his woman will remain loyal to her in a sense but will never let her find out about his unfaithful ways.  Basically put: it’s okay for a man to cheat as long as he doesn’t bring it around his main woman.

Before I call BS on yet another interesting love philosophy from Chrissy Lampkin, I had to call into question my own value system.  One of my favorite quotes that I like to preach to friends in need of advice is that, “Everyone lies, but if you can’t lie correctly, don’t do it.”  With this said, I refer to lies that do damage for no reason.  For example, if my man tells me he is going out for drinks with the guys, but ends up at the latest stripper oasis, I don’t necessarily want him to come home with a detailed play by play of the night’s events.  If he didn’t cheat, I don’t want to know.  But infidelity is a completely different animal.  Messy cheating or respectful cheating in my opinion is still cheating and toxic to a relationship.  If Chrissy implies that women need to be realistic and expect that infidelity happens, I have to question how much worth she puts on her self-respect in comparison to her financially comfortable lifestyle provided primarily by Jimmy.  Whether you’re dating a rapper or a trash man, not all men cheat and you don’t have to accept it just to live nicely.

If you suggest that you believe there is something to ignore,  it sounds as if you’re accepting infidelity. Chrissy remarks, “A man is going to do what a man is going to do.”  True, but in my experience, a man will only do to you what you allow him to do to you.  You mean to tell me that just because there aren’t women blowing up your phone and taunting you with where your man was last night, or because he isn’t leaving panties balled up in his back pocket for you to find, it’s OKAY because he’s ”respectful” with his cheating? Well, how respectful is it when he brings home to you a nice batch of HPV or herpes while he was so discreetly cheating on you?

While I can respect Chrissy’s right to feel the way she does about her own relationship, I think it’s a poor message to send to women that when dating a man you have to accept the good with the bad in order to maintain a certain lifestyle.  I am sure there are plenty of men in the industry who find a balance between fidelity and success without discreetly or indiscreetly disrespecting their woman.  And any woman confident in her worth knows that she doesn’t have to settle for whatever a man tries to sell her.  It’s perfectly “realistic” to be in a relationship where you don’t have to invest time into analyzing the difference between “respectful” and “disrespectful” cheating all over some fringe benefits.

Check out Chrissy’s love lesson for Emily B. below:

Get More: Love And Hip Hop

Is it acceptable for a man to cheat as long as he does so “respectfully”?


Toya Sharee is a community health educator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee.


More on Madame Noire!

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN