Statista reports that most money towards Valentine’s Day gifts is spent on jewelry. Without the risk of sounding old-school, I think we can guess which gender is the recipient of that. But not everyone wants jewelry! In fact, not everyone wants anything truly romantic in spirit. Flowers die. Large boxes of chocolate go stale before we can finish them. A couple’s massage is nice but, to be honest, I don’t really want my partner watching me or hearing me make my weird noises during a massage. Isn’t there a way to express your love that isn’t so…lovey? If there is going to be the expectation to shell out cash on Valentine’s Day, it should at least go towards something the gift recipient actually wants. Why not get your beau a gift that will make him think of you throughout the year, rather than just a few moments when he consumes his chocolate or drinks the champagne?
When the big displays of roses and teddy bears happen, a lot of that is just someone giving into societal pressure. Everyone smiles, posts photos, and pretends they have an actual clue of what they’ll do with that life-size stuffed animal. I’ve always hated to see someone waste money on useless gifts for me, or anyone. Maybe your partner is the same way. But you also can’t be the jerk who ignores the holiday. I know, doing anything for it can also be a form of giving into societal pressure, but ignoring it has a sort of Grinch vibe. So if you want to get your partner something he actually wants and can use that he won’t be embarrassed to tell friends about, try these ideas.
An OnlyFans subscription
Look, it is what it is! Men are going on OnlyFans. Like it or not, your partner probably already goes on there or is interested in going on there. So just get him a subscription. I’m not a big believer in turning a blind eye to the fact that our dudes pleasure themselves to other women on the Internet. In fact, masturbation can be healthy for a relationship. Are you available and willing to have sex every time he’s in the mood? Probably not. So, if you love him and don’t want him blue balled at those times, just help him out by getting him another outlet.
A great flask
Quarantine life may continue to go on for a while. Bars might be the final places to open up. I am not advising on where someone can or cannot bring booze. I’m just saying that, in these times, we must get creative. And even when things do open back up, you and your partner will be subjected to some family events where they’re only serving beer or wine, it’s a dry event or you’re tired of the side-eye you both get when you hit the bar. If your guy likes something classic, this copper flask with a leak-proof cap should do the trick. If he’s outdoorsy, he may like this weatherproof, discreet option that also acts as a flashlight.
A lap desk
As many people continue to work from home, it’s nice to be able to work just about anywhere. The tricky thing about laptops is that if you put them on your actual lap, you wind up hunched over to type, and with very hot thighs. This lap desk is adjustable in height and angle, so you can comfortably use it lying down or sitting up – or even place it on top of a regular desk to help turn your table into a standing desk. It also has an extension for a mousepad, if you prefer that experience, and a ventilated top to keep your device from overheating.
A car detailing
Not all men, but many men take pride in their vehicles. They know that their friends will make fun of them if they pull up in a dusty ride. That being said, car detailing is expensive. Taking the car to get detailed is also time-consuming, and leaves the customer stranded until the work is done. Get your partner a car detailing service that will come to your home so he can stay comfortably inside while his car is shined. It may not seem romantic, but he’ll probably want to take you out on the town when his car looks perfect, and that’s where this becomes a gift for you.
We can pretend all we want that we love the sound of our partner’s chewing, or his footsteps, or the podcast he listens to while we’re all stuck at home together 24/7. But the reality is that you’ve considered renting a separate apartment just to send your partner to so you can eat alone so you don’t have to hear him gnaw at his meals anymore. He might feel the same way about you, funny enough. But everybody can get along better if you just get him some noise-canceling headphones. Or you can get yourself some, so you will stop complaining when he talks to himself. This option from Sony is affordable, cushioned, has a microphone for gamers, and is wireless.
The best koozies
If your guy loves to crush beers but he has to drink them fast so they don’t get warm or flat, and that seems to you like an excuse to drink a lot, just get him one of these awesome koozies. They are made with stainless steel, have double-wall insulation, and are dishwasher friendly. Plus, they will keep a drink cold for longer than necessary and have a nice outer material that prevents your hands from getting too cold. They’re affordable and available in many colors, so you can get a few for your man and his friends for boys’ night.
That area in your man’s boxers that you may or may not touch – let’s call it more like a pair – can get stinky, and itchy. Maybe that’s why you don’t go there. Fortunately, there’s a product for that, so hopefully you can stop catching him giving himself a scratch in the middle of movie night – or during dinner with your friends. This stuff is vegan, paraben-free, has soothing aloe vera, and dries clear (in case anyone is looking). Its main ingredient of tapioca starch minimizes friction and it is moisturizing without feeling greasy. The pH control should keep things in check down there, too.
A real rain jacket
“Men don’t use umbrellas.” That’s what my husband says. Okay, I guess real men come in soaking wet from the rain then. Whatever. If your partner feels the same way, get him a proper raincoat. This one has a breathable mesh lining, a hood meant to be rolled up and stored in the collar, a bungee cord at the bottom for a good fit, and a hidden chest pocket for valuables. For more severe weather, this option, which is insulated for cold weather, is a bit longer, has a removable hood, and is wind and water-repellant with four zippered pockets.
This is another gift that is sort of for the both of you, since his shavings all over the bathroom floor probably bother you more than they bother him. This beard bib has suction cups that stick onto the mirror, extending the fabric to catch all your partner’s hair while he shaves. Then he can neatly bundle it up and dump that in the trash can. You can pair it with some shaving cream like this one that’s formulated for sensitive skin and has hydrating coconut acid and essential oils. Its scent is refreshing and unique thanks to its black pepper.
The best pants ever
Did you know that Lululemon doesn’t just make women’s yoga pants? In fact, they dabble in much more than just the yoga game. They make men’s slacks that look professional enough for work but feel like yoga pants. They’re stretchy, fitted, flattering, super comfortable, and probably the future of office slacks. My heterosexual male friends live and die by these pants – they don’t care that the brand is popular with women. They’re too comfortable in these pants to care. They come in a lot of colors, as well as other fits, so there should be a pair to fit most men’s fashion sense.
Super strong coffee
If you have an ambitious partner who wants to get 34 hours worth of stuff done in a 24-hour period, then get him super strong coffee. Death Wish Coffee is allegedly the world’s strongest coffee. It’s low in acidity, full of flavor, organic and fair trade, and comes in whole, ground, or pod form so if your guy likes to grind his own beans or just put something in a machine and press a button, there’s a coffee for him. They also make cold brew if that’s more of your partner’s thing. And if he’s a coffee hound, there is a subscription service you can sign him up for.
This is just a good gift for anyone, anytime, considering how often sunglasses go flying off of our face when we take off a jacket, whip our head, bend over – or do anything. Depending on what look your guy is into, we rounded up a few options. Here’s a polarized pair for the sporty fella. Here are some aviators with a titanium frame for the timeless guy. These offer excellent coverage for skiers or snowboarders. And just in case, you may want to get him a great case like this one from Oakley called the “Vault” for obvious reasons.