Everyone wants to skip ahead to the part of a relationship where they’re settled into a nice routine with a partner, comfortable, familiar, and blissfully attached. You know those couples who have been together for years, can finish each other’s sentences, and clearly have a history? Of course, it would be nice to fast forward through time and just be there with somebody. The dating phase can suck. It can be fun, but it can also lead to disappointment, and what feels like a lot of wasted time. Some people don’t have the patience for the getting-to-know-you phase so they just…don’t do it. They go from “single” to “in a relationship” after a few dates with someone. A new beau gets the title of “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” without earning it. There is a lot of talk of “we love that place” and “we do that all the time” when that “we” has only been seeing each other for a short time.
Unfortunately, jumping ahead five steps can often leave you ten steps behind, because rushing relationships is usually a waste of time. If you do it, don’t be too hard on yourself – a lot of people are guilty of this. You want to see the best in someone. You have high hopes. You want that connection. And when expectations have already come into play, you might let yourself get attached too quickly. More often than not, that will be your instinct, so you have to actively fight it. We spoke with Chronicles of a Serial Dater author Ann Marie Sorrell about how to keep yourself from getting attached too quickly.
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Excitement is a rose-colored lens
It’s not like you start planning your wedding in your head with every man you simply pass on the street. If your imagination gets the best of you, it’s usually because there is some spark there. There is, in fact, some sense of ‘There could be something special here…’ There is something for your mind to grab onto, but then it runs with it. And that’s where you can get into trouble according to Sorrell. “It is very easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new connection and with this whimsical feeling, our blinders go up and our imagination starts to run wild,” she says. “We begin to imagine our lives with this person we’ve only known for a whole five minutes.”
