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arguing in a relationship is healthy

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I don’t enjoy having an argument in a relationship anymore than the next person (well, I think we all know there are some people who just love to fight for some reason…), but when one must be had, it must be had. I’d rather just get it over with so we can get on with our lives, and get back to enjoying the relationship. Holding a grudge over something — whether done as a power move, or because you simply don’t like confrontation — only comes around to bite you in the butt. It does more harm than just having the argument would have done.


After having been in a few serious relationships, I’ve learned something that’s pretty universally true for men: they really don’t like conflict. They’ll do anything to get out of it. And they generally think that most arguments (I prefer to call them discussions) don’t need to be had. If and when we finally get around to talking about what we need to talk about, it’s only because I pestered, harassed, and nagged. And we had half a dozen micro fights about the subject of having fights in the first place, before we could even get to the damn original issue.


I’m quite used to men trying to avoid an argument now. I know all of their tactics. I really don’t understand how they think the problem will just…go away. “Do we have to talk about this?” they’ll ask. Um…yeah. How else do we fix it? We sure as hell won’t fix it by you continuing to play your video games there and me just taking the dog for a walk and getting some boba. Going for a walk only diffuses drunken bar fights: not real discussions between actual adults. I don’t want to fight often, but when we need to have a discussion it’s gotta happen. Here are annoying tactics men use to get out of arguments.


It’s too early in the day

“It’s 9am. Do we really need to do this right now? I literally just woke up. I haven’t even had my coffee yet. I need to get my thoughts straight. Don’t bombard me with this the moment I open my eyes in the morning.” Yup, it’s always easy to blame the earliness of the day. It’s an excuse we’re all forced to respect—someone’s right to just have some coffee before we fight. But then the day gets busy, and the fight doesn’t happen. So we wait until…

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