Feelings About Your Man Turning 40 - Page 13

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So your man is turning the big 40. Damn. Life is so bizarre. You were just a couple of young people, buzzing around, building your life, moving and hustling and shaking and grinding. That’s what your thirties are for, after all. It’s when you make some of your biggest career strides. It’s when you start making good money. It might be when you get married, or when you have children. It’s when you transition from feeling like a totally lost child to feeling like an adult, settled in her own skin, with some sort of handle on this thing called life. And then…BAM…40 comes around. It’s so rude. You were just enjoying 30! It comes too soon.

But maybe it’s just your fella who is turning 40 for now. If you’re like many women who date someone a bit older than them, it’s possible that you’re still nice smack dab in the middle of your thirties, and you don’t have to worry about 40 coming around for a while. But, in a weird way, if you love a man who is turning 40, you are faced with that age—and all its implications—earlier than your time because you are so close to someone who is facing it. It can be rather sobering when your man approaches that age. I mean, that’s a man. When you think of a dude in his thirties, you may still think of a young blood with a lot to learn—a lot of spunk, and light in his eyes. A man in his forties is seasoned.

You show respect to a man in his forties. Society shows respect to a man of that age. He’s distinguished. He’s been through some sh*t. He knows what he’s talking about. He’s no longer easily scammed, wooed, or even entertained. And that’s your partner. Here are some thoughts you may have as your man turns 40.

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That’s no young man anymore

Up until recently, you always thought of yourselves as a young couple. There were the old couples (your parents, their parents, your aunts and uncles, those neighbors who always ask you two to keep it down), and the young couples, and you were very much in the latter category. But now…you’re not a young couple. As far as marketing firms are concerned, you’re not really part of the “couples in their twenties and thirties” demographic anymore.

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I need to start monitoring his health

You realize that you need to begin monitoring his health more. Checkups aren’t just an arbitrary formality—he needs to go to them, on time, and if his doctor finds anything, he needs to follow up with a specialist. You can’t responsibly tell him, “It’s probably nothing” anymore when he complains of aches and pains. You may have to force him to live healthier.

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Is that a gray hair?

You find yourself looking for visible signs that he’s aging. You’re getting some foreplay going in bed, and you pause for a little too long by his neck because you’re wondering when he started growing hair in his ears or if that strand is grey or it’s just the position of the sun. What about those smile lines? Have those always been there?

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He’s a boss now

Now in your eyes, he’s a boss. Professionally, you just don’t see him as an employee, afraid of his supervisor, trying to impress others or appease others. You see him in a different professional light. When he talks to coworkers, he’s talking to colleagues. He demands respect, in your opinion. He’s not the young intern anymore.

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He may panic about his career

You realize that he may panic about his career. Look, he’s not a young man anymore. He’s past the age of being able to blame his age for his mistakes or naivete. He’s past the point of being able to say, “I’ve got many career years ahead of me.” He’s been working about half the time he’ll work his whole life now. He’s been working about 20 years and will work for about another 20, so you know he may panic about where he’s at.

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So, are we done going out?

Where does that leave you two in the social game? Are you still partiers? If you go to a club, do you look ridiculous? Oh my gosh—is he the old dude at the club now!? You remember when you were twenty-something and you and your friends would look at men in their forties at the club and say what are they doing here?

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Can I still go out?

If you’re a bit younger than him, you can wonder where that leaves you on the partying spectrum. If you still want to go to Vegas for your friend’s bachelorette party and drink out of penis straws and order too much at the drive thru while intoxicated, does he see that as fun or…are you like…childish to him?

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He needs some good suits

He’s got to make some adjustments to his wardrobe. He can’t wear so many basketball shorts anymore or thrift store t-shirts—or really any t-shirt he got out of a t-shirt cannon. He needs a few nice tailored suits. He needs to stop renting tuxes and own one. There just comes an age in a man’s life when his wardrobe has got to shape up.

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He’s turning into his father

You can see him turning into his father. You think back to when you first met his father and you see the resemblance. This is that crossover time in life when he goes from being the boy in his family to becoming one of the grown men. He’s getting grumpy about all the things his dad has always been grumpy about.

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Our “build it” years are over

The years when you build it—when you build the foundation of your relationship, when you build your home (or make your house a home), when you build your careers, when you build your bond—are over. It’s built. All of it. Wow, those years flew by. It was all excitement and worry and panic and hope and not knowing what comes next. Now, “next” is here.

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This is my life partner

It just strikes you that this is your life partner. This is no longer just one more dude in a string of dudes you’ll date while trying to find the one. You’ve possibly been with this man for a decade or at least nearing a decade now. And you’ve been through some life together—some tough stuff. It’s been long enough that it hasn’t all been fun and games now.

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We’ve had some long-time couple friends

It’s pretty cool to look around and realize you have some couple friends you’ve known for a while now! You have some friends with whom you have traditions. You spend the Super Bowl with that couple. You vacation with that couple. You make monthly brunches with that couple. You’re just a great old group of friends now.

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I’ve known him a full adulthood

If you met in your twenties, then it may now nearly be 20 years that you’ve known him. Oh. My. Goodness. Your first twenty years were all chaos and getting to know yourself and growing and hurting and falling and getting back up. Then, you already did another 20, all over again. Possibly all with this man.

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So, his dreams: how’d they turn out?

If you met young, then you probably spoke about your dreams back then. He told you all about his aspirations. He told you about the way he hoped things would look at this time in his life. So, how did it pan out? Is he close to what he thought he’d have? Is it better? Or did his dreams perhaps change as his values did?