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Did you recently achieve something great but were surprised to find that you were…depressed after? For years (or a lifetime?) you envisioned this day, and now that it’s here, it doesn’t feel the way you thought it would. You thought you’d feel a deep sense of satisfaction. You thought you’d feel complete. You thought you’d feel almost a golden glow around you—like everyone could see that something had changed in you. But, instead, you feel down. On top of feeling down, you get upset with yourself for not feeling all the wonderful things you think you “should” be experiencing right now.
Can I just say that the above-described scenario is just one slice the big pie of being an adult. We can often feel, for lack of better words, blue-balled in moments when we thought we’d feel a release. Many things don’t quite live up to what we want them to be. That’s why it’s so important to find small bursts of joy—to pause and appreciate the little things—throughout every day, because the “big” moments can leave us surprisingly unsatisfied. We can put so much pressure on them that there’s no way they could possibly live up to our expectations.
Try not to be too hard on yourself for not wanting to pop champagne after your big win. Don’t jump to the conclusion that something is wrong with you if you don’t feel the way that you thought you would. Depression following success is actually incredibly common. And, the truth is that, while you may not feel the burst of happiness you thought you would the day of the victory, you’ll probably, instead, feel it shine its blessings on your life in small ways for years to come. But more on that later. Here are reasons you might feel depressed after success.
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It can be anti-climactic
The moment itself can be quite anti-climactic. Everyone else may not recognize how they should conduct themselves in your big moment. I remember once, I had to give a talk at a huge conference—over 300 people were there. I’d prepared for months. I had all my cute jokes in there. I had moments I really thought would land with the crowd. Then, the big day came and…they scheduled my talk at the same time that the buffet table went up. So people were walking around, refilling their plates, and eating while I was speaking.
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The outsider recognition may not be there
If your happiness with this achievement relies on outside recognition, that’s a tall order. Nobody will ever be as excited about your achievements as you are. Nobody will ever truly understand what went into it and what this moment meant, besides you. So when you call your friend to share the huge news, you may expect her to shriek into the phone, and ask you all about it. But, instead, she may say, “Wow that’s great! Oh my gosh, did you see what Sharon posted on Facebook this morning?” So…that’s it.
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Well, the wrong recognition could be there
Unfortunately, sometimes the wrong outside recognition comes in after you have a great victory. You pick up on the fact that people have been gossiping about you, suggesting you cheated in some way, or saying that you didn’t deserve this—that it should have gone to somebody else. There could be jealousy surrounding you. There could also be the moochers and the flatterers who come out of the woodwork, trying to climb the ladder, via you.
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You don’t have the right people to share it with
If you don’t have the right people to share your success with, it will never feel very good. If all you’ve ever done is work, work, work, and failed to cultivate close meaningful relationships—platonic and romantic ones—you can realize, “Oh, I have nobody to share this with.” And sharing your victories with others is more than half the fun.
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Or, you neglected your loved ones in the process
You may have good friends and other relationships in your life, but you might have neglected them during the process of chasing your goals. You may have abandoned them. You may have missed all of their big moments, because you were “too busy” working on your goals. If that’s been the case, you’ll instantly feel that the moment you have your victory. You’ll realize, “Oh, I feel uncomfortable calling my best friend to tell her about this because I’ve been a crappy friend lately. Where was I when she had her last victory?”
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It’s not in line with your values
Perhaps your work is not in line with your values. Let’s say, for example, you work in marketing and launch a viral campaign for a company that you…don’t believe in. A company that you think stands for something, perhaps, bad. You saw behind the curtain, and you know that this company doesn’t have great values so while you did, technically, “win” by doing your part of the job well—launching the campaign—you feel that in the grand scheme of things, you promoted values that are in direct conflict with your own.
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Your family gave you a guilt complex
This is sad but true: some families raise their kids to feel guilty for being more successful than their parents. If you left your family in a town with little opportunity—a town where they settled and stopped chasing their dreams—they may have told you things like, “You think you’re better than us” or “Oh, so our lifestyle isn’t good enough for you.” It can be hard to shed that guilt when you reach your goals.
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How will you literally spend your days now?
You were so busy with this for so long. It consumed every waking hour of your day. Now, you’re faced with the simple but actually quite complicated question: how will you spend your days now? You have all of this free time. Free time is scary. Now you have to reformulate your life and find a way to feel fulfilled, with that work out of the way.
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In the big picture, now what?
And in the bigger picture, what next? If this was it—the pinnacle of your success—what do you do now? Wait to die? (Hint: no, you’ll find more great things to do). But, for a moment, after that big task is out of the way, you do have a moment of staring straight down the barrel to death. You just haven’t set up any other goals yet.
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How will you capitalize on this?
Now there comes the pressure of how will I capitalize on this. You need to strike while the iron is hot. Who do you reach out to? Who do you tell about this? How do you make sure that this success catapults you to the next thing? You don’t want to miss your window. This success is just the beginning—well, it’s just the beginning if you make the right moves, right now.
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Slowing down is scary
It may be time to take a break now that all the work is over. But taking a break, for busy bees, can be stressful. Vacation can actually cause anxiety for those who are used to always going, going, going. When you aren’t working, you’re alone with your thoughts. You hadn’t had to face those in a while—you were so distracted by your goals.
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It’s not in line with your overall goals
Perhaps this project wasn’t in line with your overall goals. To some, it seems like a very admirable achievement. But you actually know that you perhaps aren’t working in the industry you’re really passionate about—as finding a job you love can be quite hard. Maybe you’re just a hard worker who can succeed in just about anything, so you succeeded here, but it’s not where you wanted to succeed.
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You felt like you were supposed to want it
Maybe you only went after this thing because you felt like you were supposed to want it. From an outsider’s view, it seems like of course someone would want that! That influence can be quite powerful. Here’s an example: I was given the chance to write on a TV show a while back and at first, I said, “Yes of course!” Because I thought I was supposed to. But the reality is that, that wasn’t the type of show I wanted to work on. It just felt like, “You’re supposed to say yes to this, right?”
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Or, you really enjoyed the work
You may be depressed because, what you enjoy more than anything—more than the accolades or praise or recognition or money—is the work itself. Well, first off, that’s a very good sign. That means you’re in the right line of work. But when a big project is over, the work is gone from your life, and for you, that was the whole point.
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You didn’t pause to appreciate
You may have just put your head down and been such a worker this whole time that you never paused to appreciate the process. It flew by you. You know there were wonderful moments that were funny and heart-wrenching and moving but you…didn’t stop and take them in. It was all such a blur. Memories would be one of the few things you got to keep now and you didn’t make any.
