Lessons & Review: How To Win Friends and Influence People

Principle 4 – Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. This logic falls in line with let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers principle mentioned previously. By asking questions you allow the person to remain active in the decision making process

Principle 5 – Let the other person save face. Never try to embarrass a person. Be respectful and try to not burn bridges

Principle 6 -Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise” as Abraham Lincoln once commented. Approval can be the biggest motivator for people. By giving praise it provides a motivator to seek more praise

Principle 7 – Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Establish a person’s strengths and use those strengths as a reminder of how great a person can be. For example instead of directly criticizing them you can start by discussing the standard of excellence they have established in the past and if there were any problems hindering them from maintaining that standard.

Principle 8 – Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. Most mistakes are easy to recover from.

Principle 9 – Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest- Let them know how their work relates to their goals/personal interests so they can be excited about doing their work.

With these three parts and their underlying principles in mind, one can learn and be successful in engaging others in a meaningful way. As noted before, it’s a continual process of self-improvement but if you follow these guidelines you will see a shift in perspective and outcome.