What To Prepare For If Your Partner Goes On Antidepressants - Page 13

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In general, I don’t really believe that those who are severely depressed should be looking to start new relationships. I know that’s a tall order—asking someone to stop seeking love—but it’s just not fair to start a relationship when one isn’t quite capable of taking care of himself, yet. A healthy relationship consists of two stable, whole individuals who have a lot to give and will lift each other up. So, I do believe it’s important that if someone is depressed, that he seek treatment before going out into the dating world. That being said, you may find yourself in a long-term relationship with someone who has always struggled with depression. If he finally decides to go on antidepressants, you’ll feel some effects of the drugs, too. Here is what you should prepare for if your partner goes on antidepressants.

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His sex drive might drop

Many antidepressants can cause a drop in libido. This, naturally, isn’t great for a relationship. If you’ve been together for a long time, then you may already be used to not having sex that often. But you still want to feel that your partner desires you, and antidepressants can hinder that for a while.

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Which is hard not to take personally

It’s hard not to take it personally when your partner loses interest in sex. You may find that he completely stops initiating, that he’s distracted when you initiate, and then he even struggles to get a full erection and even to ejaculate. As a woman, it’s very hard not to let that affect your ego.

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But you’ll feel selfish saying something

You may want to say something about how his medication is affecting your sex life. But then, you’ll feel selfish. You’ll think, “Here I am, upset at the drug that is literally making him feel happier, all because we aren’t getting it on as much.”

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And all of that will frustrate you

The entire series of thoughts of not feeling desirable, resenting the drugs, and then getting upset with yourself for resenting the drugs will leave you feeling frustrated. You are still a person in this equation. You are a living, breathing, sexual human being with needs. You can’t help that.

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He may seem numb at first

Many individuals who go on antidepressants experience emotional numbness at first. While the drugs dampen their negative feelings, they also dampen their positive feelings. They may not be as quick to smile or laugh, and may not seem to take joy in things they often would.

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And he may seem to lack empathy

Antidepressants can also dampen someone’s empathy. Even if, with his mind, your partner knows he doesn’t like it if something bad happens to you, he may struggle to emote in a way that makes you feel empathy from him.

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He may seem distracted

Some antidepressants can cause a person to lose focus and be rather distracted. You may become frustrated because he cannot follow a conversation thread, and may forget something you just told him.

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And he may lose some motivation

This is one reason creatives often hate going on antidepressants: it kills motivation. Sometimes, part of the reason one is motivated is because they want to work to gain achievements that will make the pain go away. But, if the pain just…goes away…they lose motivation to keep working. So your partner may lose interest in his goals for a while.

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You may feel like you can’t comment

While you’re witnessing all of these changes, you may feel like you shouldn’t say anything. If he says he is feeling better, you don’t want to tamper with any of the results. You don’t want him feeling self-conscious about the way that the drug, that is ultimately good, is making him appear to other people.

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But, eventually, he’ll want your input

If you do say something, your partner may become frustrated with you at first. In fact, he almost definitely will. He’ll have a feeling of “This is my journey. Why are you interrupting it?” But, he’ll reconsider, and remember that he loves you and of course this affects you. And you know him well, so he trusts your judgment. If you think the exact drug or dosage he is on his changing him to his core, that’s something worth discussing with a doctor.

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There will be some dose adjustments

In the beginning, his emotions and behaviors may be all over the place until his doctor gets his dosages correct. Just brace yourself for highs and lows.

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If he goes off them, he may feel a high

Sometimes, those on antidepressants believe they no longer need drugs because the drugs are working. And they stop taking them. If your partner does this, the first thing that could happen is the emotional numbness goes away, and he gets in touch with feelings of joy. He could experience a high, and believe he is better than ever.

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You’ll want to remind him to take them

You will, naturally, want to stay on top of him about taking his pills. If you notice him skipping them, you’ll want to say something. You are, as mentioned before, affected by this.

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You aren’t his doctor, but you’re in this with him

Though at first you may feel it isn’t your place to remind your partner to take his antidepressants, remember that you are in this, too. You are a loving partner who is willing to go through this journey with this man. He’d much rather have you there, giving feedback, than not have you there. Don’t discount your feelings here.