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your parents opinion about you

Source: Jose Luis Pelaez / Getty

From the day we are born, we learn to do what pleases our parents. They hold the keys—literally and figuratively—to so many things we want from ages zero to 18. Let’s be honest: many of us rely on our parents for important things like rent money and health insurance well into our twenties. Depending on how controlling your parents were, how judgmental they were, or even how manipulative they may have been, it can be very hard for you as an adult to separate your identity from theirs. It can be hard to become a fully formed individual. How can you shake a lifelong habit of asking yourself “But what would my parents say?” And, in the defense of parents, knowing how tightly to hold on or when to let go is difficult. No parent nails this exactly. That is why a lot of people still base their decisions, as adults, on what their parents want. Are you one of them?

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You ask your partner to change for them

Whether it is some literature from his own religion that is different from your parents’ religion, a poster, or even his preferred facial hair, you ask your partner to change and hide things about himself when your parents visit. You actually put their approval above your partner’s comfort. You put your parents’ opinion above your desire for your partner to feel at home in his own home.

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