MadameNoire Featured Video

It’s maddening how often men disregard a woman’s feelings. So frequently, we’re dismissed as being overly dramatic, hypersensitive or too emotional. The occurrences happen everywhere from intimate relationships to the political sphere. Not believing women and their experiences is part of the reason rape culture has been able to thrive in this country and abroad because a woman’s testimony doesn’t hold weight against the word or reputation of a man.

Thankfully, today’s example of women not being taken seriously comes in a less severe form. This time it was a postal worker trying to holler at one of the women on his route. And using the resources at his disposal, he used the mail.

The woman didn’t appreciate the gesture. In fact, the postal worker even acknowledged that his actions could be viewed as creepy. He mentioned it twice in this brief note, which he left at her home. But when she shared it online, she was met with men and women who took issue with her saying that the note made her uncomfortable.

Thankfully, there were some people who understood.

And the thread eventually led to women sharing their stories of men using their personal information to ask them out.

It reminded me of the time my much older super, who had access to my building asked me out, while he was standing in my apartment, fixing my broken refrigerator. It was completely inappropriate because I was alone with him in my home. And I had to see him several times after that. Even after I moved out of the building, I’d see him in the street. There were occasions where I saw him in an entirely different borough. And every time, he’d creepily call my name. It was unsettling.

There are men who will argue that if she liked him she would be open to it. And that might be the case. But that doesn’t make the action any less creepy. As someone mentioned, just because another woman would have been flattered by this advance, it doesn’t mean the action doesn’t pose a potential threat.

We can’t ignore the violence men enact against women every day—there are countless stories of women who have been murdered all because they rejected a man’s advances.

There is more than enough reason for men not to trust these types of gestures from men they don’t know. And instead of making excuses about women not being used to “nice things” or women having double standards for people they’re actually interested in, they should learn to respect boundaries and be more creative and less threatening with their approach. And as hard as it is for some men to accept, there will be some times—like when you’re working a job that exposes you to someone’s personal information—where it is simply not okay for you to attempt to pursue a romantic relationship with a woman.

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