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I am very wary of men who make a living off of giving women dating advice, but self-proclaimed self-love ambassador Derrick Jaaxn tends to regularly make some really great love and relationship points to his one million Instagram fans.
But one of his recent videos gave me pause.
He shared a clip from a panel he spoke at during the Self Love Summit a week ago, where he told the receptive audience that “I think a guy who is a little bit less in terms of educational level, but who has a great heart, is a lot better than an educated asshole.”
Initially, I would agree. I believe that character and heart take precedent over any outward characteristics a man can have in terms of money, career or education status. But, as someone who has dated multiple men who had not reached the same education accolades as I had, there is a trend I’ve noticed in my experiences: the man eventually becomes insecure or resentful of the fact that we aren’t on the same “level.” This dynamic manifests in emotional tapping out of the connection, belittling, or aggressive behavior to overcompensate for feeling inferior. Yes, some educated men can be self-righteous a**holes, but the same goes for the uneducated men too.
No matter how much I tried to explain to my past partners that I didn’t care about where they were career or education wise, on the inside, if they felt inadequate, no amount of soothing and coddling from me could shift his internal dialogue about his worthiness.
Having witnessed this happen in many of my romantic relationships where there were educational/financial discrepancies, I decided that I desire someone who is on the same education/career level as me in order to avoid a potential fallout due to his internal, pride-filled narrative of “not being enough.” If I were to meet someone who was completely confident and fulfilled in his career choice and his ability to provide, without being intimidated or fearful of my trajectory, I could absolutely adjust this criteria. But for me, and a lot of the other women I know, this dynamic operating in a healthy way is rare.
As much as we try to dismiss education or financial status as something “superficial,” the impact of not having these things can be detrimental to not only a relationship, but to an entire family.
It is statistically proven that the earning potential of someone over a lifetime increases with a college degree, and that is why making education a standard when choosing a dating partner isn’t shallow.
This isn’t to say that men without degrees aren’t capable of making successful and profitable careers, in fact, I know many who do. But those are outliers–and it is completely reasonable for a woman to want her partner to bring as much education and financial security into the relationship as she does. After all, it’s her preference, right?
Here’s the thing about “preferences,” the way women ‘prefer’ certain characteristics education/career wise, is the same way men harp on their “preferences” regrading a woman’s physical appearance.
As someone who has been subjected to men telling me they didn’t like me because of my hair, skin color, body type, etc, I learned early on to go where the love is. Instead of me trying to convince men who aren’t attracted to me to “change their standards,” I have simply moved on to men who showed my brand of beauty love.
I think good men, who feel deterred by the idea of “education status” being a turn off to women, should adjust their pursuits in the same way. You should be open to women who see you and your character beyond your degrees, versus trying to convince women who can’t see your value to adjust their standard for you. At the end of the day, everyone should at least try to get what they want.
