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The 30 to 20 female to male relationship is quite an interesting one. You aren’t exactly a cougar—as far as marketing is concerned, you’re in the same demographic. Nobody bats an eyelash when they see you out in public. You don’t get those looks like, “She’s way too old for him.” Nobody thinks that. The guy isn’t so young that the 30-year-old woman feels like he’s just a boy-toy. They’ve had many of the same important experiences in life. But, a woman in her thirties is just on the cusp of being too old for a 20-year-old man. Just there. Especially since women mature much quicker than men so, a woman who is technically just five or eight years older than a man is more like 10 to 15 years older—mentally. But hey, men date younger all of the time and for good reason. There are a lot of benefits to dating someone a bit younger. And there are some annoying parts, too. Here are the pros and cons of being a 30-year-old woman dating a 20-year-old man.
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Pro: The sexual stamina
Twenty-something’s have sexual stamina for days. That’s when men are at their sexual pique. Meanwhile, women tend to have a more stable sexual appetite through their thirties, forties and fifties. And can find that men in those ages “aren’t in the mood” as much.
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Con: The sexual incompetence
Of course, while the young man has the energy to have lots of sex, he doesn’t really have the experience to have good sex. There will still be plenty of jack hammering, finishing too fast, and being unsure of where the clitoris or g-spot are.
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Pro: He isn’t worried about much
It can be nice to date a younger man because men in their twenties are not worried about much yet. They aren’t worried about the state of the world or the trajectory of their future. They don’t contemplate existence and mortality and bring down the mood.
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Con: He isn’t worried about anything
On the other side, sometimes, it can be alarming just how little young men worry. Sometimes you want to shake them and say, “Hey—you know the world is messed up, right?!”
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Pro: He’s low-maintenance
The twenty-something year-old man is low maintenance. He’s happy getting food from a taco truck or staying at a motel. He isn’t going to be uppity about the poor quality wine list at a restaurant.
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Con: Sometimes you crave the swanky
Of course, you, with your experience and income, may sometimes want something a little swankier. But your twenty-something year-old may not even have the appropriate apparel for that $14 cocktail place.
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Pro: He has tons of energy
Your young man won’t be too tired to go hiking or follow you around the farmer’s market. He isn’t going to complain that he’s too tired to go to a friend’s birthday at 11pm after midnight.
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Con: He has tons of energy
Here’s the thing: sometimes you, in your thirties, will be too tired to go to someone’s birthday party at 11pm. Sometimes you just won’t understand or like the schedule by which your youngster lives. You want to do something at 10am and he sleeps until noon.
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Pro: He still has hope
Twenty-something’s still have hope. They still believe that their business idea will take off and that their dreams will come true. All of those things of anyone of any age can be true! But most people feel less hopeful by 30 ,40 , and beyond. It’s nice to be around that hopeful energy.
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Con: He can be naïve
Hopeful can verge on naïve. Sometimes you worry that your partner is running completely on dreams and very little on actual plans. You worry that he just “believes” things will happen but isn’t taking actual steps towards making them happen.
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Pro: He thinks you’re killing it at work
This young man thinks you’re amazing at your job. He thinks you’re so far along in your career. That can be a refreshing change from the older guy who just keeps asking why you aren’t CEO yet.
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Pro: He wants to go to your place
He will drive to you. You don’t need to cross town and find parking for your sleepovers. He wants to go to your place because it’s nice and you have no roommates.
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Con: He can disrespect your place
He may not know how to take care of your place. He might forget to hand dry the silverware before it stains and he may clog the toilet with those wipes he’s so fond of. He might spill on your designer couch.
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Pro: He isn’t bitter
He isn’t yet bitter due to tons of failed relationships or perhaps even a divorce. You know he’s choosing you because he adores you and not because he thinks this is “as good as it gets”—as older men may say of relationships
