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I’m certainly not saying that we should follow the lead of older generations on most things. They did, after all, drop the ball on some pretty major things like equality for women and recognizing the full spectrum of sexuality. But maybe, just maybe, we should look to them for a little advice on dating and relationships (minus the part where consent wasn’t a huge deal to them). Okay, okay—I realize I keep making the views of the older generation seem worse and worse, but you have to admit there was some beauty in a time when the only way you got to meet somebody was by literally meeting them. In person. Perhaps through a friend. There is something to be said for the straightforward nature of the way things used to be. If you went on a date with someone, there was some understanding that there was an intention of a relationship. Boy, have things changed. Here are dating and relationship norms that would offend older generations—and should perhaps offend us.
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Phone calls are for relationships
Today, if two people who have just begun dating or are planning to go on a date call each other on the phone, all hell breaks loose. Not exactly but, don’t you sort of panic when you see a man is calling you rather than texting you, and think, “There must be some sort of emergency!”
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You can have sex for months with no label
Today, it’s perfectly normal to have sex with someone—to let a man be inside of you, which is pretty intimate—for MONTHS without ever putting any sort of label on the relationship. You could have had sex with this man one hundred times and he’ll still introduce you as “Just a friend” when you’re his plus one at a wedding.
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You meet complete strangers
We meet total strangers that we find online, in real life. Nobody introduces us. We have no common acquaintance to vouch for the person. We have absolutely no way of ensuring he is who he says he is. He hasn’t gone through filters like, becoming accepted by a common friend group.
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You can have nothing in common
Because we meet people online, we can also have nothing in common. You don’t have to love the same hobbies or work in the same industry as someone (though that certainly has its perks), but having some basic things in common is helpful. If, without the internet, your two lives would have literally never crossed paths, you have to ask the question: should they? Or do you perhaps have too different of interests, habits, passions, and networks?
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Casual flings have your photos
Sometimes, a man you’ve only slept with a few times has a naked photo of you, or at least a scandalous photo of you. Back in the day, those were reserved for spouses only.
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Dinner is for the third date
It’s so rare that someone just takes you out to dinner on a first date now. First it’s coffee. Then it’s drinks. It might even just be a walk on the boardwalk before any purchases come into play.
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But sex may come before dinner
With the last point in mind, you may have sex with someone before he’s bought you a proper meal. If dinner is often reserved for the third date but many people are having sex on the first date, you can see how it happens.
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Stating sexual preferences
People will just list, on their dating profiles, whether or not they’re into BDSM, threesomes, and bondage. It’s listed like a hobby—as if they’re saying, “I like reading non-fiction novels.”
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Ghosting
A man probably couldn’t ghost you fifty years ago because he would be shamed by the entire community. Since, back then, you really only met people through common acquaintances, a dude couldn’t just disappear without some repercussions or judgment.
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Just not talking about the future
Today, we’re made to feel crazy for simply wanting to know where this relationship is going, after seeing each other and sleeping together for half a year. Half a year! My grandmother and her friends had those conversations with men after three dates.
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Becoming just friends after
I feel like these days, everybody has some friend—who is just a friend—whom they’ve slept with. It might be someone who was a long-term friends-with-benefits, who resorted back to being a friend. Something tells me my grandmother didn’t have some male friends that she hung out with regularly, whom she also once slept with.
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Becoming exclusive very late
When do you become exclusive with a man? Three months in? Six months in? I know plenty of people who have waited nearly a year to ask, “Are we exclusive?” That means that for that entire time, they just lived with the understanding that the person they were sleeping with could have been sleeping with other people. Like, a day after sleeping with them.
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Butt stuff is commonplace
Butt stuff has become very common in sex. People will just start fiddling around back there, without asking you if that’s okay or something you’re into. In fact, we’re made to feel like prudes if we don’t want to eat *ss.
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Talking to our dates about other dates
Many of my single friends tell me that one of the common topics of conversations on their dates is their other dates. They talk to the men they are on a date with about their other recent dates. My grandma would probably find that very rude—wouldn’t yours?
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Babies before marriage and marriage 10 years in
Millennials are changing the game up. When it comes to things like marriage and kids, we’re doing things backwards. Maybe. It’s rather common today that a couple will have kids before getting married. Or live together before getting married. This is not necessarily insulting, but I will say this: we shouldn’t stop taking things like having kids with someone very seriously. We should believe that’s our forever person, for the sake of the children.
