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If I’ve learned anything about sharing good news with others it’s this: people rarely respond the way you want them to. And that helped me develop my policies regarding sharing good news—policies like “Don’t tell others until I’m done celebrating,” “Never tell this specific list of people—they rain on my parade,” and “Preface the news with I just want to share this with you right now and don’t have time to talk about much else today.” In other words, I don’t leave an opening for someone to make the conversation about my good news, all about themselves. I learned that last one from a dear friend who, when she called to tell me about her engagement, pretty much said that to me. And I’m glad she did because, I was going to tell her all about the breakup I was going through. But you know what? That was her big day. It wasn’t my pity party day. Sometimes people just don’t give you what you want. Here are surprising ways people respond to your engagement.
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I thought I’d be first
It can be very hard on some friends or family members who always assumed they’d get engaged before you. Maybe they’ve been with their partner longer or, even if they’re single, they see themselves as more grownup than you. Your engagement can mean their failure to them.
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Took him long enough
You just think it’s wonderful that your partner engaged—it’s progress! But some people will just point out that he took too long to do it, so you feel like you just can’t win. There’s no going back in time now.
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Are you sure you’re ready?
Even if this friend fears you aren’t ready, the very moment you announce your engagement isn’t the time to bring that up. Celebrate and rejoice now: gently bring up concerns later.
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I didn’t realize you guys were serious
Your engagement can be a huge shock to some people who thought you weren’t even serious with this guy. That can be especially true for other men who were holding out for you to break up so they could swoop in.
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Great. Another wedding.
Look. I get it. Weddings are expensive, and they can be time-consuming if they require travel. But that’s a thought people should keep to themselves when you’re just trying to share in your good news.
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I’m a bridesmaid, right?
Yikes. This one is tough because anyone who ever says this genuinely believes that it was a no-brainer for you. They believe they have that bridesmaid gig in the bag. So when that’s, um, not true, it’s really tough when they put you on the spot like that.
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I can’t be a bridesmaid right now
Then you have the ones who assume they’ll be a bridesmaid and turn down the role before you’ve even offered it.
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I want to be a godparent
That’s very nice that your second cousin wants to be the godmother, but she also hasn’t held down a job for more than a month at a time and has a tattoo of a butterfly smoking a cigarette on her neck.
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Please have the wedding nearby
Okay everybody—the wedding isn’t about you! The bride and groom will take some needs of some very important guests into account (like super old grandparents) when choosing their wedding destination, but they can’t start taking requests.
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Can I have a plus-one?
Some friends will just instantly think about themselves, and how they’ll enjoy the wedding. They want to make sure they get to bring a date. And they perhaps want to see how seriously you take their relationship by checking if they can bring their boo.
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Cool, and I got a promotion
Unfortunately, some people don’t realize just what a huge deal an engagement is. They are happy for you, but then they move onto other orders of business like telling you about their promotion or the fact that they’re moving. Hey: an engagement announcement deserves more attention.
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Are you pregnant?
Ugh. Then there are the people who assume you’re just having a shotgun wedding before your baby bump shows. Whether it’s true or not, the assumption is insulting.
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Now I can’t get engaged
Uh oh. Perhaps your best friend or sibling was hoping her partner would pop the question soon. But now, due to proper etiquette, he’ll have to wait at least four months so as not to overshadow your engagement.
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You’ve always wanted to be a wife
Some friends will make a comment suggesting that the only reason you’re marrying is because you want to settle down, and that you’d do it with anyone.
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We’ll never hang out again
It’s common for single friends to worry that they’ll never see you again. The funny thing is, it’s often the single friends who isolate the married ones!
