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A few months ago, while in my first trimester of pregnancy at nine weeks, I was told that I was dealing with a threatened abortion. I tried to be optimistic about it, because “threatened” isn’t the same thing as a conclusive miscarriage. However, when I followed up on that diagnosis and underwent an ultrasound with my doctor, the heartbeat of the “fetus,” my growing baby, had stopped. I was asked if I wanted to schedule a D&C (dilation and cutterage removal) procedure for a few days later, or if I wanted medication to try and force an abortion, and I didn’t want any of it. I couldn’t afford it, financially or emotionally. Also, I was holding out hope that there was a mistake, and that the fetus might still be alive or come back to life (Lazarus anyone?). So the only option I had left if I wanted to wait was to have a spontaneous or “natural” miscarriage.

And so I did, and it was an incredibly complicated, sad process. But I knew I wasn’t alone. Twenty percent of pregnancies end in miscarriages and many more women are getting comfortable sharing their stories. Still, nothing could have made it better, but more information on what to expect certainly could have helped. There were threads here and there, but most of it was women seeking advice on what they should do and prepare for. With them in mind, and anyone else who might find themselves in a situation like this, I thought I would share some insight if you don’t want to have surgery or deal with medication to force an abortion. It won’t be easy, but once you go through the entire process, you and your body will obtain some closure.

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