Why it's okay to send your partner to therapy

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What does it mean if someone needs to go into therapy while they’re in a relationship? Solo therapy—not couples therapy. Is that person too “messed up” to even be in a relationship? Has that particular relationship messed them up? Nah. It doesn’t have to be such a big deal. Plenty of individuals are in healthy, loving relationships, but still have a few personal issues they could work on. They are, for the most part, whole and stable, and emotionally strong enough to be great partners. Anyone, at any time, could benefit from a little therapy. It’s just a good way to track thinking patterns and behaviors, and better understand our own psyche. So, if you’ve been thinking that maybe your partner could benefit from therapy, but are afraid to say so, don’t be. Here is why it’s okay to suggest that your partner go to therapy.

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Conversations should be balanced

If he’s just got a lot on his mind lately, then you may be finding that he does all the talking, and you do all the listening, which leads to an imbalance in your relationship. You feel like you just give and give, and there is no time for the spotlight to be on you. Well, a therapist is paid to put the spotlight on their patient—so therapy could restore the balance in your relationship.

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You aren’t a professional

As much as you’d like to help your partner who is, perhaps, dealing with issues of self doubt or anxiety, you aren’t a professional. It would be irresponsible of you to attempt to heal him, all on your own.

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It’s not fair for you to be his therapist

Even if you were actually a therapist, it wouldn’t be fair for you to be your partner’s therapist. In a relationship, you two should be equals, with both parties working to uplift and energize the other. It’s really not fair for your partner to expect you to act as his therapist.

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It’s from a place of caring

If you’re worried that your partner will take offense, and make it seem like you’re just pushing him off onto someone else to deal with, you can explain otherwise. You still want to be there for him, and listen to him, but you fear this his troubles have developed to a level that may require professional help, in addition to your loving support.

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It’s not just for the deeply troubled

There is a chance your partner will become defensive, and believe that you’re calling him “crazy” by suggesting he go to a therapist. Let him throw his brief tantrum. Later, he will reflect, and realize he has actually been putting a lot on you lately, and that you have a point.

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He probably doesn’t talk to his friends

Let’s be honest: he probably dumps everything on you because he doesn’t feel like he can talk to his friends about things like depression and anxiety. But, again, that’s not fair for you to do the listening job of several people. Or, of a therapist. If he won’t open up to his friends or family, and puts it all on you, then he has a responsibility to see someone.

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Everyone sees one

You can also assure your man that almost everyone sees a therapist these days. It isn’t taboo or something to keep on the hush-hush—it’s practically trendy! In fact, it’s almost strange to have not seen one by the time you’re an adult.

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It could be good for your relationship

He may learn communication skills in therapy that could benefit your relationship. He might learn some of his own triggers, and better understand why he sometimes reacts in negative ways to you.

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You could offer to go with him

You could always offer to go with him to his first session, just to ease him into it. Or, you could say that, whenever he’s ready, you’ll join him in therapy. That way, it won’t feel like he’s the only one doing work.

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He wants to spend his life with you

If this man has stated that he wants to spend his life with you, but he has personal issues that interfere with your connection or communication, then he has a responsibility to you to see a therapist.

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You’ve been to one

If you’ve been to a therapist in the past and worked on your personal issues, tell him so. You did, without realizing it, prepare for this relationship by doing your personal work before getting into this relationship. So maybe he can do you a solid and do his, too.

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It could be good for his career

Men often don’t realize how much their emotional state affects their careers. There are probably a lot of things your partner can dig up in therapy that, it may turn out, have been affecting his confidence and drive in work.

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There are affordable options

If you feel like you’re asking your partner to drop a bunch of money, that’s not necessarily true. His insurance may cover therapy, and there are plenty of clinics that offer free or low-cost counseling.

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He is bringing you down

Look, it’s not that you’re being insensitive. Couples go through ups and downs and should be there for each other. But sometimes, what one person is going through is too much for his romantic partner to address or fix, all on her own. You need to save some of your energy for yourself.