Ways women bully each other in the workplace

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For the record, I’d just like to say that any bullying women do to each other—men caused it. Alright, I guess “society” caused it, but we kind of know who made the rules in society for a very long time (eh-em, men). If we take each other down, if we behave competitively, if we refuse to help each other, it’s only because the world has led us to believe that there is only so much respect/love/attention/success to go around amongst females, so we have to fight for it. Things are taking a turn for the better, and trending in the right direction, with society (spanning from solo individuals to mega companies) making more opportunities for women and showing us the respect we deserve. But, women are a bit traumatized from the past. It’s hard for us to just forget hundreds of years of being told that we need to take each other down if we’re going to get anywhere. If you still feel that way, you may be an office bully. Here are ways women bully each other in the workplace.

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Condescending

When giving a note, a suggestion, or “constructive feedback,” bullies do so with a tone that suggests, “You’re dumb” “You should have known better,” or “I can’t believe you got that wrong.” Notes should be given with empathy and understanding.

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Acting too busy to help

When asked for assistance, office bullies act like it’s a huge hassle and a major inconvenience. They aren’t happy to help, and they certainly don’t look to help. But if they do someone a favor, they remember it, and call on it when they want an unfair favor in return.

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Being cliquey

Sometimes office bullies are mean to others by being sweet to some. They choose a few women—perhaps ones they perceive as powerful—to align themselves with and be nice to. Then they convince those women that one particular woman (their target) is incompetent.

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Condemning for befriending men

Women in the workplace sometimes condemn other women for befriending the men in the workplace. They’ll treat those women as traitors to the gender, creating the choice: “You can either have female friends here, or male ones, but you can’t have both.”

Blaming motherhood for mistakes

Rather than praise working moms for juggling it all, female office bullies will hit working moms where it hurts. Any time a working mom makes a small mistake, her bully will publicly suggest that her parenthood is getting in the way of her doing a good job.

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Criticizing apparel

As if men don’t already act inappropriately and say offensive things to female coworkers in slightly revealing outfits, female bullies make it worse. If they see their target wearing a revealing item of clothing, they make sure to point it out to others.

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Highlighting mistakes

Office bullies have a way of making their target’s mistakes look even worse than they were. They also have a way of casually bringing up those mistakes any chance they get.

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Refusing to work with new employees

Often the office bully targets new employees, knowing that they feel insecure and are easy to pick on. An experienced woman in the workplace might turn down projects on which she’d be paired with the new employee, stating that the latter will hold her back. What she should do is take the opportunity to mentor a newer woman in the workplace.

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Cutting down accomplishments

When one woman does something good, the office bully cuts her down. She points out the ways she could have done things better, or suggests ways she may have cheated or cut corners.

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Choosing solo over group work

The office bully insists on never needing help. If her superiors try to pair her with other women, she says she can go it alone. She takes great pains to never have to share her accomplishments with other women.

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Gossiping

Office bullies generally gossip. They spread unflattering and damaging information—false and true. But, even if the information is true, only a bully goes out of her way to make sure everybody hears about it.

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Not putting in a good word

Sometimes, inaction can be bullying. A female office bully, when asked for a reference, or asked for her opinion on another woman who is up for an opportunity, just won’t give one. But women should be going out of their way to talk each other up and help each other get opportunities.

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Refusing to bond/commiserate/celebrate

Whether it’s another female wanting to grab a drink and talk about their experiences in the workplace, or a female colleague looking for someone to commiserate with over the office treatment of women, or a female peer wanting to celebrate an accomplishment, female bullies turn down these invitations.

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Acting like only one woman can succeed

Overall, female office bullies live with the belief that there can only be one woman in the workplace who is loved, respected, and given opportunities. And so she does whatever she can to keep the other women from getting love, respect, or opportunities.