Things you shouldn't feel guilty about

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Guilt is a rather useless emotion. If you feel guilt, it’s either because you did something wrong and you know it, so you should be out there rectifying the problem rather than sitting around and feeling guilty about it or it’s because you’ve been conditioned to feel bad about certain things, that really aren’t bad. Either way, if you’re feeling guilty, you’re wasting time, one way or the other. It’s not like emotions such as grief, which require time to get through, or joy, which you should revel in a bit. Guilt isn’t necessary. It isn’t productive. And it often isn’t even appropriate. We’ve just been taught to be pleasers, givers, nurturers, appeasers, and people who always say yes. So when we do anything that goes against those teachings, we feel bad. Well, maybe our teachers only taught us those things out of their own, useless, and inappropriate guilt. Here are things you should never feel guilty about.

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Going to bed early

You know those people who proudly state that they only sleep five hours a night and how it’s all a part of their five-year plan? Well, their five-year plan is going to fall apart when they develop health issues due to sleep-deprivation. Sleep is really good for you. It helps your synapses fire at higher levels and helps you just perform better at everything you do. So don’t feel like you’re slacking off for going to bed early; you’re the responsible and ambitious one.

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Not accepting every invite

I understand that your coworker put a lot of time into writing and rehearsing her one-woman play that she wants you to attend, but if it happens to fall on the one night you’d get to rest this entire month, you’re allowed to say no. Save your energy for going to your best friend’s one-woman play, rather than just an acquaintance’s.

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Being honest about not wanting a friendship

If you just know you wouldn’t be compatible friends with someone, or you just don’t have the time to dedicate to developing a new friendship right now, it’s okay to turn someone down who is pursuing a friendship with you. You’re doing them a favor by telling them now, rather than dragging them along.

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Not investing in your friend’s company

The one in the pseudo-pyramid scheme who wants to host a “sample party” at your apartment, or the one looking for funding for her app. You, actually, didn’t sign up to be this person’s investor or business partner. You signed up for a friendship, and you aren’t breaking any of the terms of a friendship by simply not wanting to go into business with them.

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Stating your needs (aka pointing out flaws)

Does one friend always flake on your plans at the last minute? Or talk about herself the whole time you hang out? It’s okay to just let her know. If she really cares about you, she’ll thank you for telling her, and she’ll fix the issue. If she gets mad at you for telling her, then she really wasn’t a friend.

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Needing more time to forgive someone

Being able to forgive someone is a virtue. But you can also be honest with yourself if you’re not quite ready to dive back into that friendship or relationship right away. Sometimes, you still need some time apart, even after you’ve said, “I forgive you.” And that’s alright.

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Keeping some information private

You don’t actually owe anyone information about your life. If a colleague asks you something personal that you’re not comfortable answering, you’re allowed to say, “I’d rather keep that to myself.” If a stranger asks you something—anything at all—you’re not obligated to answer.

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Pointing out when someone is amoral

Nobody likes to feel like they have to police people, but if you know—plain and simple—that a friend, family member, or colleague is being immoral, don’t feel bad saying something. Maybe you’ll show them the light and they’ll be forever grateful to you. Maybe they’ll call you judgmental or bossy, in which case, they aren’t someone great to have in your life anyways.

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Being selfish about who you vacation with

Hey, your vacations are precious. If your partner wants to invite his friend and that friend’s girlfriend, but you honestly don’t enjoy being with that girlfriend, you can tell your partner, “That wouldn’t make the best vacation for me.” You’re paying for it, and taking time off for it, so you’re allowed to have some say in who is there.

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Not feeling comfortable making an introduction

You’ve worked hard to build a positive reputation for yourself. If someone who you honestly wouldn’t vouch more—maybe they’re dishonest, selfish, or lazy—asks you to make an introduction for them or make a recommendation for them, you can say no. It’s their fault their reputation isn’t great, and you don’t have to go down with them.

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Utilizing your coupons

Nobody is above free money. If they act like they are, they’re morons. You earned those coupons. You got them because you shopped at that store a lot or earned points on your credit card. So yes, people behind you in line can wait while you compile your coupons.

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Not lending money

Nobody has any claim to your money except for you (and whichever companies you have outstanding balances with). If a friend asks to borrow money, you should be allowed to say no, and it shouldn’t ruin the friendship. If your friend does let it affect the friendship, then that relationship wasn’t pure to begin with.

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Doing something kind

You never know what people have going on in their lives or what their backstory is. Sometimes, you pick up the check for somebody, or open the door for somebody, or finish someone’s work for them, and they get mad at you. That’s on them—that’s their stuff. Never feel guilty for doing something you did out of the kindness of your heart.

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Not wanting nice things

Personally, I don’t want particularly expensive or nice things. I know my lifestyle. I know my habits. So no, I don’t want a $500 set of silverware that needs to be polished once a month because I know I’m not going to take it to get polished. It’s okay to tell people that you don’t want certain types of gifts. You aren’t obligated to have the same taste as them.