All Articles Tagged "white women"
50 Shades Of Black: Celebrities Struggling With Race Relations
Image Source: WENN.com
Tia Norfleet
Tia Norfleet made her mark in black history by becoming the first black race car driver. But then she made us all look bad when she was kicked out of NASCAR for lying about her identity to cover up a few drug and theft charges and faking her NASCAR racing license.
Tia also had a criminal past she tried to apologize for, saying:
“People make mistakes in their life and move forward and make a better way. I think things that I’ve done, people make mistakes, as a child, as a teen, and basically, it’s things that you may not be proud of but you move forward and you help others. And they may be in the same situation and you can relate and they can relate to you, and you help them as much as possible.”
But we still feel bad for all of the little black girls who looked up to Tia before they found out that she was a criminal and a liar.
Woman Says Her Husband Calls Her ‘A N***er B***h’
Credit: Shutterstock
From Essence
Dear Abiola,
My man keeps calling me a “n***er b***h” during sex and I hate it.
I have been married for a year and I am at my wit’s end. My investment banker husband is from a White old money family. I am a first generation Black-American woman whose family is from the island of Jamaica. We met at a reunion for the ivy league school we both attended, and he proposed in six months.
We have the picture perfect fantasy life. He wines and dines me and we travel and shop the globe. Unlike all of the Black men I dated in the past, my husband is generous, loyal, committed and considerate. He courted me and I never have to pay for anything. He said I could quit my job and I did. He makes me feel like a woman.
I am a little embarrassed to share our problem. The first time he let the n-word drop was during sex on our honeymoon. When I reacted negatively, he explained that a Black woman he dated in the past enjoyed being called racial slurs. Another time he joked that he had purchased my freedom. He also speculated about whether his family could have owned mine because I have “good hair.” Then he made jokes about my pubic hair. He called it my “negro bush” and referred to himself as a “n***er lover.” He says I am being overly sensitive because he loves me to death and should get a “Black pass” for marrying me.
I told him that I don’t appreciate these comments and he says that my friends and family probably use the n-word all the time. He also asked why Black people can use the word and he cannot. I don’t use the word or believe in the n***a/n***er differentiation. Neither does my family. I am too embarrassed to tell anyone about this because I know they might say: “That’s what she gets for marrying a White man.”
Continue reading this letter at Essence.com.
Are You Afraid To Say You’re Pretty?
iStock.com
If there was ever a study about black women that I’m inclined to believe, it’s the one about us being more confident in our appearance than other groups of women. Last month, Kate Fridkis, wrote a piece called “Why can’t women think they’re pretty?” I read the title and thought oh, that’s tragic. Let me read. And while Fridkis brought up some salient points about how women often downplay and apologize for highlighting their flattering physical features; by the end of the article I thought to myself, thank God I don’t have this problem. You can call me vain or incorrect if you want, but I’ve always thought I was pretty. And even said it, out loud, in front of people a couple of times. Now, I don’t know if it’s because I’ve consistently heard this from others, because my parents promoted self confidence or because I’m just vain. I’m sure it’s a combination of all of these things; but whatever the reason(s), I’m grateful for this ability to be content, and dare I say very pleased, with what I see in the mirror.
I knew I was good- so I started thinking about other women in my circle. I had to start with the source. My mom. My mother, who I and others regard as beautiful, doesn’t meet European or mainstream beauty standards. She’s short, overweight, has dark skin and natural hair. But I’ve never heard her speak ill of her beauty. She might have talked about wanting to lose weight or wear her hair a different way; but when it came to her natural, physical beauty, there have been times when she’s been downright cocky. The same is true for my aunts, cousins and sister on both sides of the family. Hell, even the men talk about knowing they look good. I realize it may sound like we’re a bunch of self-obsessed jerks, but we’ll just have to be that. After all, in a world where people are constantly insulting folks based on their appearance I’d prefer we be overly confident in our looks, so we can shoulder that criticism than underestimate our beauty and let the naysayers break us down.
But I want to be careful not to dismiss anyone’s experience. I know I’ve had friends on both sides of the spectrum. I’ve had the “can’t tell me nothin’” friends and the friends who would say outright, to my shock and surprise, that they didn’t think they were pretty. I get how one could come to feel this way; but really I don’t understand it. (If that makes sense.) If beauty is subjective and increased exposure increases attractiveness how could you not at least be good with the face you’ve been living with all your life?
Maybe people have just had too many critics. Maybe they’ve internalized too many beauty standards that didn’t match their own. Maybe insecurity is stronger than we could ever imagine. I can’t call it. I’m just always surprised when I hear this type of talk from black women. Unfortunately, I’ve seen and heard far too many white women say they want Jennifer Anniston’s hair, Charlize Theron’s body and Pipa Middleton’s booty. All the while completely trashing their own, perfectly attractive beauty. If there was anything positive to come from a lack of minority representation in media, it’s that black women were less likely to compare ourselves to shapes and figures we could never achieve…naturally. Maybe white women, who’ve been watching their likeness on tv, seeing it plastered on billboards and magazine spreads have come to think that these are the only examples of hotness. While black women who didn’t see themselves represented at all but had the love, affection and attention of men, black and otherwise, knew that the media couldn’t be telling the whole story and decided to be good with themselves anyway.
Again, I can’t call it. What I do know is that every woman, every person really, regardless of what others may say about him or her, should strive to be able to look in the mirror and like what they see. None of us will ever be beautiful to everyone but the least we should try to do is be drop dead gorgeous to ourselves.
Do you think you’re pretty? Do you have problems claiming this either to yourself or others?
Is There Anything Wrong With Being A Trophy Wife?
Source: Bravo
According to ABC News,
“Real Housewives of Atlanta newbie Porsha Stewart is the consummate housewife, or “black trophy wife” as she likes to call herself. For her husband of barely two years, Kordell Stewart, Porsha cooks, cleans and hosts charity events for Hosea Feed the Hungry and Homeless, a charity started by her grandfather civil rights activist Hosea Williams.
Being a trophy wife per se is not just about your outer looks. It’s about the man who has put you on the pedestal and him admiring you and thinking well enough of you to put you up there,” Porsha told ABC News Radio. “And I think it’s important for our little girls to know that they can be a princesses and they can have it all…So I feel proud to represent — and I use the word lightly — the black trophy wife.”
Of course, all of this was probably said prior to Kordell giving Porsha her walking (also known as divorce) papers…
Foreseeable conclusions aside, Porsha does raise an interesting point. While most women might see her extolling of the trophy life as some sort of setback for the women’s movement, there is no denying that in spite of all our advancements in a capitalist and patriarchal society, beauty still has a real currency. As such being a trophy wife can conceivable be seen as another viable option as any of the other sex-positive career choices women today have. I mean, after all, it is about selling a lifestyle. And while definition on views a trophy wife is a status symbol in reality a trophy wife knows how to trade off her beauty as capital for economic gains. Despite the less than respectable reputation the term receives, there is a lot of time, energy and money that goes into maintaining the image of a trophy wife. There are the work-outs, cosmetic surgery, having to endure daily attention from a glam squad and spending tons of money on the best and correct outfits. Additionally a trophy wife also has to be the beacon of grace, virtue and submission; knowing when to fall back and keeping your opinions to yourself, smile pretty and let her man shine, which is basically all the time. She also is likely charged with keeping up appearances for the entire home front. That means making sure the estate is in order, clean and comfortable; making sure the house staff is doing their jobs; throwing the best soirees and maintaining the facade of respectability. In essence, a career as a trophy wife can afford a woman lots of positive and rewarding outcomes including financial security and access to other means of financial security – just in case your job as a trophy doesn’t work out.
Unfortunately it still appears to be a white woman’s only club. The long standing joke is that when black men get money, black women are nowhere to be found. Of course, there are many prominent black men who have been able to enjoy their success while married to a black woman. Chief among them is President Barack Obama. But generally when you see rich and powerful men like Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods and Kanye West, it is not uncommon to see a woman of another race grace their arms. Sure, some marry for love however there are some men, who marry for status. And within this group is a sizable portion of black men, who abide by Eurocentric standards of beauty, which places whiteness at the top and blackness, which on women is viewed as unfeminine, at the bottom. Therefore by obtaining a white trophy partner, these men can feel themselves closer to endowing a status, which would enable him to acquire all the privileges that come with whiteness in American society.
It may seem like a terrible nuance to nitpick who gets to sit up on the pedestal and be subjected to the male gaze but it says something when white women can be valued just alone by their physical appearance and lineage whereas a black woman has to obtain education, have a good career and basically work like a damn mule in order to be considered a viable spouse. Some may actually prefer it this way especially considering that Porsha’s situation as a trophy didn’t work out for her. However all may not be lost: Luckily for her, she didn’t sign a pre-nuptial agreement. Maybe she is not that dumb after all.
I Always Wanted To Ask…What’s Up With The Hair?
Hair. It’s a four-letter word with so much “stuff” behind it you could barely scratch the surface in a two-hour documentary by the same name.
Or is it?
Just how deep is hair for Black women and who made it that way? Plus, do White women have some of the very same hangups we do when it comes to our manes? Check out this final episode of “I Always Wanted To Ask” as we peel back the layers on what hair means to women — Black and White alike.
KEEP THE DISCUSSION GOING WITH MORE EPISODES OF I ALWAYS WANTED TO ASK.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH!
I Always Wanted To Ask…White Privilege
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Black people certainly know white privilege exists because we live with the reality every day. But the question we’ve always wondered is do white people realize the position of privilege they’ve inherited or are they oblivious to the constructed reality and all the benefits that come with it? That’s what we asked the ladies of The Frisky in this candid discussion on race and the choice to acknowledge privilege.
Check it out and weigh in below.
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[Extended Cut] I Always Wanted To Ask… Are Black Women Jealous Of White Women?
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Yesterday we unveiled our new series “I Always Wanted To Ask,” which garnered a lot of mixed reviews. Most people stopped dead in their tracks at the thought of being questioned about being jealous of a white woman but there was a lot of dialogue you missed between Madame Noire and the ladies of The Frisky.
Check out the extended cut of episode 1 in which we talk about interracial dating from the perspective of those who’ve actually had that experience. Watch as we delve into everything from assumed stank eyes, exoticism, and sexual myths about not just Black and White women, but also Black and White men. Enjoy!
KEEP THE DISCUSSION GOING WITH MORE EPISODES OF I ALWAYS WANTED TO ASK.
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I Always Wanted To Ask… Are Black Women Jealous Of White Women?
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
If there’s any topic that gets Black women riled up it’s interracial dating. Though most of us have tucked our reactions into the “I don’t care pile,” a number of us are still known for having a bit of a ‘tude when we see a White woman on a Black man’s arm. But why? Are we jealous? Do we think the chosen White woman sees herself as some kind of trophy? Do we want Black men all to ourselves? These are the types of assumptions that are being made on all sides of the coin, so why not get to the bottom of these misconceptions and address them as best we can? That’s what we did in our new series, “I Always Wanted To Ask.”
Yesterday, we gave you an intro to the series and some background info on the ladies whose opinions are included. Now it’s time to delve into the convo. This is “I Always Wanted To Ask:” Interracial Dating.
KEEP THE DISCUSSION GOING WITH MORE EPISODES OF I ALWAYS WANTED TO ASK.
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Our New Series “I Always Wanted To Ask…” Things We’ve Wondered About White Women
Check out the first video in the series tomorrow, January 8. And once you’ve watched be sure to leave questions you’ve always wanted to ask white women in the comments section.
KEEP THE DISCUSSION GOING WITH MORE EPISODES OF I ALWAYS WANTED TO ASK.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH!
- “I Always Wanted to Ask: Interracial Dating”
- “I Always Wanted To Ask: Interracial Dating” [EXTENDED]
- “I Always Wanted To Ask: White People And The N-Word”
- “I Always Wanted To Ask: Do White People Recognize White Privilege?”
- “I Always Wanted To Ask…What’s Up With The Hair?”
Some of you may know that our MN appointed “relationship expert,” Damon Young is also one half of the über popular blog, Very Smart Brothas.com. Well, one day I was just playing around on the internet when I stumbled across a post Damon wrote two years ago called, “10 Questions You’ve Always Wanted To Ask a White Person.”
Tres interessant! I know I’ve had questions for years. I read it. These were questions black people all over America have pondered time and time again. I loved it. Then, as if this internet gem couldn’t have shone any brighter, I found the responses, T.D. Hurst, a white guy, provided. Nice!
As a woman who hasn’t had close, white friends since high school, some of the answers were surprising, some funny and I finished the post a bit more informed. Then, because I moonlight as a thief, I thought this is something we can do for Madame Noire…except with white women.
So, during one of our weekly editorial meetings the MN editors came up with questions we’ve always wanted to ask white women, before we even knew which white women we were going to ask. And believe us, we kept it real. The whole point was for the conversation to be to honest and helpful.
Then came time to find the white women we wanted to ask. That’s where the women of The Frisky came in. I’ve been a fan of their site for a while now, so naturally I reached out. We e-mailed a couple of the editors to see if they’d be interested in not only answering our questions but asking some of their own as well. We heard back within the hour.
Initially, we were going to answer the questions and make this just a print post. But then Amelia of The Frisky said they were going to answer some of the questions in their weekly video. *Ding! Lightbulb moment.* We should do a video too…with the ladies of The Frisky. We worked out our schedules and met to shoot our first video in what will hopefully be an ongoing series: “I Always Wanted To Ask…”
Well we did that thang and a short version of the video will air on Madame Noire tomorrow, Tuesday, January 8th and then the full version will air on Wednesday, January 9th.
Check out a trailer for the series and get to know the women who will be featured in the video, the editorial staff of The Frisky and Madame Noire.
Black Women Don’t Benefit From Exercise As Much As White Women?
Exercise, exercise, exercise is all you hear directed at black women these days in response to a slew of reports pointing out the obesity epidemic plaguing our demographic. But now all of a sudden, a pair of British researchers have published a paper in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, saying black girls and women don’t benefit from working out as much as white ones do.
According to the paper, for black adolescent girls, who were most physically active at age 12, by age 14, obesity was nearly as likely as it was for those whose activity rates were far lower. For white girls though, their risk of becoming obese nearly disappeared. This was true even when caloric intake was the same between the two groups.
The authors used data from a government health study database of 1,148 adolescents who were followed for several years. Just under half, 538, identified themselves as African American. The researchers believe a significant metabolic disadvantage is at play for African American girls hoping to maintain a healthy weight, concluding that “obesity-prevention interventions may need to be adapted to account for the finding that black girls are less sensitive to the effects of physical activity” than their white counterparts. The study is said to fall in line with other research that has found black women oxidize fat more slowly in response to exercise, and that their resting metabolic rates are lower than those of white women.
Before taking this study at face value, I think it’s important to point out that BMI and two other obesity measures (a measure of body fat adopted by the International Obesity Task Force and a gauge of skin-fold thickness) were the parameters used to determine that 12-year-old black girls in the top half of the physical activity continuum were only 15% less likely to be obese by age 14 than ones in the lower half. For white girls, those in the upper half were 85% less likely to become obese over the next two years than were those in the bottom half. BMI has long been a controversial indicator of health and obesity for black women so it’s important to take this finding with a grain of salt, realizing that exercise is in fact still beneficial for black women and that BMI is not the only measure of it’s positive effects on your overall health.
Linda Bacon, an associate nutritionist with UC Davis is very critical of the nation’s focus on reducing obesity, and she says activists need to focus on healthy lifestyles and not on BMI.
“We should just be encouraging activity for the sake of activity and good health. If we encourage it as a weight management technique, when it doesn’t work for that, people won’t see the value in it.”
Agreed.
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
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