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From big things like a color scheme to little things like alcohol labels, there are so many unexpected things that can make or break a wedding—or at the very least, leave you regretting how you handled that aspect instead of enjoying your big day, like you should be! Be sure to have these things (both tangible and theoretical) at your wedding.

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When two people get engaged, they want to scream it from the rooftop! And that’s okay, because from the rooftop may be only your next-door neighbors will hear you. But when it comes to weddings, when does sharing become over sharing? With social media having an increased presence in our most intimate and monumental of events, when does it enhance “the big day”, and when does it just cheapen it?

From Hello Beautiful.com.

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I don’t know where to begin, but I need your advice on where to go from here. So here’s the story.

I have been in a relationship with this man for four years. Two years into the relationship, he proposed marriage which I proudly accepted. However, throughout our relationship I NEVER met anyone face to face, nor via phone from his family — no kids, no friends, no church family. NO ONE! I constantly questioned this, but was always told that since these loved ones lived in another state it was difficult to get them all together. So, I let it go.

Anyway, the wedding planning was taking place quite smoothly, yet there were times when I constantly had to nag him for his list of guests and their addresses. Needless to say that he NEVER came through with a complete list for me. Yet, he told me that all of his guests knew all the pertinent wedding information.

Now, on to the good part. Two days before the wedding, he tells me that his mom (who lives in another state) became very ill and was hospitalized in intensive care. Therefore, he told me that some family members would not be attending the wedding. The very next day, he claimed that there was NO change in his mother’s condition and that more of his family members would not be attending and he was thinking of going to see his mom also. So, I responded with, “I understand your feelings for your mom, but how do we handle all the other guests and family that have traveled for this big day?” Well, the next day comes around, (which is the wedding day), and I get two calls that morning. First, he called and said that his mom took a turn for the worse. Then the second call, (an hour later from the first), he called and said that his mom had die. So, I immediately jumped into action by going to him to console him for his loss and to try to arrange for him to leave at some point that day to meet other family members to handle arrangements for his mom. While all of this is going on, I called around to tell all the other guests the news and that we would be delaying the ceremony for an hour so that the groom could get himself together, and he would be leaving right after the ceremony.

While guests are arriving to the church they find the church locked and no one inside. Out from nowhere the groundskeeper appears and asked why the guests are there? They responded they were there for a wedding. The groundskeeper informs them no wedding was set to take place. After many phone calls back and forth between my guests, the groundskeeper, and my potential groom it was discovered that the groom NEVER asked his pastor to officiate our wedding, nor did he book the church for the wedding. By that time it seemed to me, and others, that he simply DID NOT want to get married, aside from the grief he was suffering from losing his mother, which looked suspect after finding out the truth about the “locked” church. So, it was confirmed two days later that the groom lied about his mother’s death because he wanted to cover up the fact of NOT completing his wedding task as he should have. He claims he failed to do his part of the planning and came up with all these lies because he was scared and afraid that I would leave him for being lazy and procrastinating. I was devastated and humiliated beyond belief that I could have been left at the altar like that. To this day, this man constantly calls and asks for forgiveness and another chance at love with me. But, why would I even want to give him an ounce of my time? Am I being too harsh to someone that I undoubtedly truly did love? Or, should I just admit that I deserve better and let him and his deceitfulness go elsewhere? – The Jilted Bride

Find out what the gay best friend, Terrence Dean, has to say about this at HelloBeautiful.com.

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By Taylor Lea Thomas

Question:

“Where may one go to rent a gown, dresses and accessories at a reasonable price? I need a reasonable website to rent a gown and accessories.”

Taylor’s Answer:

Regarding rentals, I’m unable to endorse any particular company due to the fact that I have not worked with one for renting gowns so I’d rather not since I won’t be able to vouch for their credibility. However, here are a few tips on rentals in general as you browse around during the wedding planning process:

Always, always, always read the fine print: Don’t be naïve in thinking all is fine and dandy. Since you’ll be renting personal items, be sure to know what you’re getting into and what the consequences might be in the event that the items you rent are lost, stolen, damaged, etc. Also, be sure that you get all fees clarified prior to signing any rental agreements so you don’t end up paying additional fees you were not aware of. Make and keep copies of everything. Make sure to write down the correct style number, item number, sku number and more to be sure that what you paid for is what you receive.

Obtain wedding insurance: It’s always best to expect the unexpected. With wedding insurance, depending on the type of policy you select, you will be covered in the event that the vendor goes out of business, fails to show up, etc. Some policies even cover loss of deposits. At Elite Soirée | Luxury Weddings, all clients are required to obtain wedding liability insurance, and I’d recommend the same for you regardless of your budget. It’s very, very affordable with some plans under $100. It’s worth having for piece of mind on your wedding day.

Order with ample time in advance: Since you won’t be using your own items, be sure to order all rentals with ample time in advance in the event that what you receive is not what you ordered. If you give yourself enough time, then any errors can be corrected without you having to incur additional rush shipping fees. Waiting until the last minute will only cause frustration, and that’s the last thing you want on your wedding day.

Thoroughly research for any bad reviews: Whenever I’m researching a company, I always read the bad reviews first because I already know why I’d consider spending money on that particular company, so I’m more interested in knowing why I should not. Sometimes a few companies do, unjustifiably, receive bad reviews from irate customers for no valid reason. It happens, and it’s unfortunate, especially for online companies, but it also does help in the decision process of whether or not to use that company’s services and/or products. Take what you read with a grain of salt since not all bad reviews are correct, but research thoroughly before renting any items.

By Taylor Lea Thomas

Question:

Just engaged on Valentine’s Day! Help!!!

Taylor:

Congratulations on your engagement… and he proposed on Valentine’s Day! Awww, he’s so romantic. Remember to continue to keep the romance alive during your wedding planning progress. He started you on this wonderful journey you’re about to embark upon by proposing to the love of his life on the most romantic day of the year. Continue that romance throughout. Don’t switch it up on him during stressful times of wedding planning – and trust me, the stress will come. Here are some tips to guide you through the wedding planning process early on:

Give yourself plenty of time.

Enjoy the engagement period. Bask in the joy of all the well wishes and congratulatory hugs and kisses. It’s a good idea to space the wedding planning process over the course of a year. Some venues and churches have waiting lists for couples wanting to get married, and some of the best wedding planners and wedding photographers get booked quickly. By allowing yourself a lot of time to plan, you can enjoy this journey you’re about to embark upon with a little less stress.

Get organized.

Purchase a 3-ring binder with tab inserts. Keep proper record of everything – payments, vendor contracts, business cards, inspiration clippings from bridal magazines, guest list, etc. Purchase a calendar for things wedding related ONLY to keep track of appointments, meetings with vendors, cake tastings, menu sampling, scouting for the perfect venue, and more.

Don’t obsess over your wedding.

It’s easy to become overwhelmed with all of the things to be done in planning your wedding. A lot of my brides say to me, “I’ve never done this before,” and I always assure them that that’s a good thing, and that I hope they never have to plan another wedding again. You don’t have to know everything, and it’s okay if there are a few little hiccups here and there. It happens. No wedding is perfect in the same manner that no marriage is perfect. Relax, breathe and enjoy the process. You have a social life, friends and family. Do activities with them that don’t include talking about the wedding. Your wedding planning folder is not the Bible–it isn’t sacred. You don’t have to take it with you everywhere you go.

Remember that grooms are just not that into planning weddings.

Avoid bombarding your hubby-to-be with daily wedding things. I assure you that as much as he loves you, he’s not going to be as into the planning process as you are.  Grooms are notorious for that. It’s just like taking a man shopping for a dress or shoes – they’re just not as into it as women are. One of my favorite wedding quotes: “I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance, a church filled with family and friends. I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for, he said one that would make me his wife.” And that’s all that matters.

Keep it in perspective.

Your wedding day is one day. Put as much effort into your married life as you would in planning your wedding. You have the rest of your lives ahead of you. The one single thing that makes a marriage legal are the vows exchanged in front of the witnesses who sign. A lot of people are not aware of that. It’s not the marriage certificate; it’s the vows. Make the words you exchange on your wedding day meaningful and heartfelt and don’t feel like you have to go overboard if you don’t really want to with planning your big day.

Don’t go into debt planning your wedding.

Set a budget and do not be tempted to exceed it. Do not go into debt in planning your wedding. Nobody wants to start a union with the stress of extra financial debt hanging over their heads. Read my previous article on lowering your guest count as it will guide you on dealing with the guest list since that factor determines every other aspect of the wedding planning process.

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It’s been about a month since NFL player Chris Draft lost his wife to cancer just one month after they said “I do.” The couple’s heartbreaking story and memorable wedding day ceremony cause many to feel for Chris’ loss and admire the love they shared, and in an exclusive interview with Essence.com, he opened up about Keasha’s battle with cancer and his favorite memories of his late wife.

On why he shared her story with the world

“We put the pictures up [online] so people could really see the life in her, not just how she passed away. We want people to see that her faith allowed her to live before her diagnosis, and to continue to live with it, and find the joy in each day. Even when you get bad news, you have to find the joy in life, which is definitely not easy. Most of the pictures in the montage people have seen are from the past year. She was still enjoying her friends, and still enjoying her family. Yes, it was a little different with cancer being there, but at the same time, you find a way to enjoy it. That’s where you’re at, you know?”

How they handled her diagnosis

“It was never, “Oh, I’m just going to smile through it.” Keasha was like, ‘I’m going to fight. We’re going to do what we have to do to go after this.’ Stage 4 lung cancer is not a good diagnosis. I mean, the numbers are horrible, and to get that news without even having a sign beforehand, makes it that much tougher. She knew she had great friends, and great family, and a great support system, and she said, ‘Okay, so what do I have to do to fight? We’re going to fight it each and every day.’ Getting the full diagnosis, and knowing exactly what we were fighting, was a very hard process. She did such a great job of really looking at it like, ‘Hey, I have to do this in order to have a chance to be better.’ She stuck with that and continued to smile, even after she went to appointment after appointment.”

His favorite memory of Keasha

“I played an away game once, and she got three of her friends to help her bring this big ol’ live Christmas tree into my condo as a surprise. I came back from a long, tough day of playing, and I walk in, and I was like, ‘Oh my goodness.’ There was the most beautiful, perfect tree right there in my living room. It was the absolute example of what it means to actually be playing in the league and still have your woman right there with you, supporting you, and it was a tremendous feeling. When you’re away sometimes your family can’t be there, or you travel for holidays and they have to come to you, but she made it where Christmas was there, and I was home. It was so beautiful. I was looking at the pictures the other day and the tree was so big — actually bigger than I remember. She liked surprises. That same Christmas she put together this scrapbook for me that had pictures from the season, articles that talked about my community work, and photos from my family. It was perfect. The great thing about her was that she really paid attention to the little things. She appreciated all of who I am, not just me, the football player.”

Their wedding day

“I wanted her to just be able to really enjoy it. That was my only focus. She was able to get up. She was able to walk. She was able to dance. Dancing was just her. Her 88-year-old grandmother got up at our wedding and she started dancing, and she got Keasha back up and she started dancing too. The weather was perfect. It was 70 degrees on Thanksgiving weekend – wow. It seemed like everything just worked itself out for her. It was so beautiful. Her friends and family were all able to be there. It was a good day — a good weekend.”

His Valentine’s Day Message to Keasha

“Keasha, I‘ll always love you. We’re gonna keep fighting. We’re gonna keep fighting! We’re gonna keep inspiring people and help to change people’s lives, I promise.”

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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