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Usually, to be invited to the big staff getaway, you have to be executive level. So while they’re off meeting, having dinners, and talking about whatever is being talked about, the rest of the staff is up to its usual workaday schedule.

Qliktech CEO Lars Bjrk has an issue with that. Everyone is asked to attend his company’s annual gathering. All 1,300 employees.

“Employee summits are really an investment in a company’s most valuable asset—its culture. Companies that cut costs by short-changing culture may just be sacrificing their futures to scale the next quarter’s results,” he writes for Quartz.

Saying it’s a matter of a company’s “identity and brand,” Bjrk argues that this is an opportunity to instill pride and collect innovative ideas. In that sense, it’s well worth the expense of bringing the whole gang along to participate.

From a business owner’s standpoint, that cost could be the primary sticking point, though having the whole staff in one place to discuss thoughts and issues — and perhaps even lay the groundwork for solving some of them — is a worthy endeavor. Business can benefit if the retreat is taken seriously.

For staffers, it’s a nice idea… “leveling the playing field” by including everyone from top to bottom. But let’s be honest: Once the initial enthusiasm sets in, you realize that you’re going to be spending a few days away from home, working, and then spending all your time with your co-workers. Sure, they’re nice people. But you prefer snuggling up with your pet/kids/significant other on your couch.

In the end, the issue becomes one of career advancement. A company retreat is an opportunity to step out of your usual role and shine in front of your managers and higher ups at the company. You get noticed, and greater opportunities can come your way.

Or maybe you swing the other way and think it’s a chance to do very little on the company’s dime. While it might be fun to have a few dinners and drinks on the company, if you do get the chance to participate in this sort of meeting, use it strategically. Introduce yourself to members of the team you’ve never met. Bring along a couple of ideas and deliver your elevator pitch to the appropriate managers when you have a chance. And get to know people who can promote you.

And for pete’s sake, don’t get drunk! And keep the funny business with the hot guy from accounting to a minimum.

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Part of taking your relationship to another level is meeting your spouse’s family, and it happens to be one of the most nerve-wrecking parts as well. So many aspects come into play, from sparking up a conversation to showing yourself “worthy” of being with their son, their brother or their cousin; every family has that “one” who wants to make sure you are the right fit and might not come off too nice in the process.

Integrating your lives together with each other’s families is not a popularity contest. Being your true self is the only way you can expect to win them over and eventually, seeing yourself as a part of the family (if the relationship takes that route in the future). Dealing with a spouse’s family is not a competition you should expect to win or lose, but there are common mishaps you should keep in mind to make sure your best effort is put forward.

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In a few short years, there have been some major adjustments to the dating game. I can see the difference in the attitude of women in younger generations compared to mine. They have much more of a,  “I want him and I am going to get him” type of attitude. Back in the day, when you liked someone, you kind of played it off until he let on that he was he feeling the same way. But nowadays, women are much more aggressive, and it is clearly the era of the “go-getter.” My mother’s generation viewed women with this “go- getter” mentality with less than pleasant eyes, but today, the women who go for what they want are growing in numbers, and they’re getting respect and the guy for being so bold. Yep,  the times have changed and so has the dating game. Here are a few examples:

You and your girls decide to have a night out on the town. You wear your cute little black dress that always warrants compliments. Your hair that usually won’t cooperate is miraculously on-point, and you genuinely feel good about your appearance. Giving yourself a ‘one-over,’ you smile, knowing that you may just attract some good attention tonight from an eligible bachelor or two.

To further enhance your efforts, you and your friends decide to walk to the bar alone sporadically (inside of the establishment of course), so you won’t intimidate men with the ‘girlfriend crowd.’ While walking to the bar, you see plenty of men looking your way out of your peripheral, but you’re making no eye contact with any of them. And while you look all fierce and fabulous in your opinion, still, none of them approach you. Before you assume something negative about yourself or your appearance and what role it could be playing in the men who did and didn’t speak to you, take one second to think about if you even appear approachable or if you’re coming off as intimidating and closed-off.

Looking approachable has very little to do with material things and everything to do with nonverbal communication. Yes, even sometimes saying ‘hello’ but looking as if Jesus himself came down and forced you to do it, won’t make you more approachable. Appearing inviting usually has more to do with what you do and less to do with what you say.

Research suggests that around 90 percent of our communication is nonverbal. So that means that even though you gave a faint hello that you thought served as an invite, your nonverbal expressions may have suggested otherwise. As the old saying goes, “You cannot say nothing.” So even if you’re not verbally talking, through nonverbal communication you’re having a full conversation, whether you know it or not. If you want to be approachable, make sure that you’re conscious of what you’re saying without saying anything at all to rid people of the assumption that you’re cold as ice. Some women think that looks alone can attract guys. But if you look unapproachable, some men won’t bother approaching you out of fear of rejection or of you coming across as just plain rude.

There are three ways to check your approachability. We will call the the three ways your ‘approachability factors.’ First is access your body language. Is it open? Open body language means that you appear inviting. Folded arms suggest that you are stand-offish or don’t feel like being bothered, same with crouching over the bar looking bored. So make sure that your body language isn’t closed.

Another way to access your approachability is to check your facial expressions. Smiling is really important if you want to attract people to you. Not a silly grin that looks permanently plastered on your face but instead a natural, genuine smile every once in a while (you don’t have to hold one all night) that says “I’d like to meet you.”

In addition to smiling and ensuring that your body language is open, eye contact is equally as important. If you’re nervously looking down at your cell phone, pretending you’ve received a flurry of messages and calls, you appear preoccupied or not open to conversation. Make eye contact with people to show you’re interested or even interesting, and even feel free to float around the room so you don’t look stuck in one place.

Your lack of approachability could be a preventing factor in meeting new friends, extending your professional network, or even meeting Mr. Right. So before you assume that something as superficial as you wearing the wrong dress is keeping guys from approaching you, check your approachability factors.

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As an African-American woman, I’ve always been aware of racism and prejudice, small instances as opposed to disheartening big ones. From a young age you know how it feels to be treated differently because of the color of your skin. Luckily, I lived in neighborhoods where my neighbors were of all different cultures, so I never experienced outright racism. So when it was time for me to go to college, I was excited to move out of my house and be on my own. I was ready to take on the world and be enlightened as college was supposed to be full of liberal and open-minded people. I was ready to be around people who I could learn from and share experiences with.

When I got to college, like many who go to a majority of large or public universities, I was the only black girl in almost all of my classes. This never bothered me because I’m really not the kind of person who needs to be around black people to feel comfortable. To my surprise, my being black seemed to make my classmates somewhat uncomfortable and shut off. I came into all my classes with a smile on my face, ready to make friends. What I found was that my smiles were not returned and instead, I was given the cold shoulder. I was pretty much invisible. Most students in my classes never talked to me, and when we were forced to have interactions, you could tell that it was just that, forced. I always had to make the first move and speak to them first.

My classmates were always surprised by my responses in class. They were always shocked when they saw that my grades on tests were higher than theirs. It was clear that they made assumptions about me based on the color of my skin. I’m not sure exactly what these assumptions were based on though. Maybe they were used to seeing black women in a non-academic setting. Maybe they thought that as a black woman I was supposed to fit the stereotype they saw on TV. Maybe they assumed that I wasn’t smart enough to be where they were.  Because I never spoke to them about their qualms, this question remains unanswered.

The eyes of disapproval never changed how I felt about myself though.  Throughout college I had numerous friends of different races and continued to say open-minded. My experiences in class did not dictate the rest of my college experience, and I was not jaded by the fact that people who were not black may have looked at me differently because I knew who I was as a person. I refused to walk around with a chip on my shoulder because I knew what I represented. I can’t be the spokesperson for the entire race and do the absolute most to get any and everyone’s approval and admiration, but instead, I can only be me. I just wish that I could have educated or enlightened some of my classmates who preferred to stay with their own people and who went out of their way to NOT give me a chance.

College was a great experience for me altogether. One lesson that I took away from it is that in this world, whether I am in school or at work, the color of my skin will always precede me. People will automatically judge me in some way because I’m black, including other black people. I know now that it’s not my job to fight the stereotype. The best way to negate a stereotype is to just be you. No matter what stereotype people think I am, I know that once they get to know me they will see that they are wrong, which brings me all the satisfaction I need.

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