Overcoming trust related issues is one of the biggest challenges that a couple can come up against. It is an emotionally draining  situation for both parties involved and unfortunately plays a major role in the demise of many relationships. Having been a person who has struggled with trust in the past, I realize that this can sometimes be a difficult mindset to break away from; however it is not impossible. If you find that you too struggle with trusting your partner, here are a few tips that just may help you out.

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It would all be so simple if love were really like the childhood songs we sang, if in reality Adam and Eve were truly sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, if first came love, and then came marriage and then came baby in the baby carriage.  It would be so much easier if real life love chronicles followed this trajectory.  But they don’t always.  Love is not a children’s rhyme.  It’s more like Pat Benatar’s 80’s anthem: love is a battlefield.  And as far as battles are concerned, we all know that you win some and you lose some.

For anyone who has ever had their heart broken or who has been on the losing end of unrequited love, you know that love is not cute and fluffy with chubby cherubs who shoot painless arrows.  It is a full-fledged contact sport capable of inflicting gruesome injuries—to engage it is to expect that there will be blood.

When people who once loved each other begin to love each other no more, hearts break and boy they don’t break even.  Love’s an interesting thing.  Someone falls first, and someone falls deepest.  Someone falls out while someone falls deeper in.  It seems that men and women rarely want the same things from each other at the same time.

I’ve wanted men who did not want me and I’ve shun men who’d literally drink my bath water if asked.  I have broken some hearts in my day and I have certainly had my heart broken.  Oddly enough, I’ve found that in matters of the heart the tables often turn with enough time.

There is a man that I loved passionately once.  I have historically been someone who’s valued freedom much more than relationships, but things were different with him.  I would willingly relinquish the liberty I loved to be bound by his affection.  While other suitors were denied, I desperately longed for his heart.  We were friends, truly friends, and as our friendship deepened throughout the years, I fell in love.  Hard. Without a doubt, I wanted to spend my life with him.  I’m not sure if you’ve ever fallen in love with a friend, but you reach a point where you HAVE to say something. I did, nervously, and while he expressed nominal feelings, he was young and not ready for any serious commitment. I was crushed and utterly heartbroken.  I walked away and it took time, but my heart healed. While I grieved the loss of a man I deeply loved, he moved on and dated other women.

Fast forward.  We find ourselves at a coffee shop together. It’s been a few years since we’ve last spoken. As we begin to fill each other in on what’s new in life, we inevitably come to the topic of us and our parting. He tells me that he loved me then and that he loves me now, that he was immature then and intimidated by all that he knew I was asking for. He tells me he was engaged. I congratulate him. He tells me he called the wedding off.  I pensively ask why, and in response, he tells me, “When I was with her, I was thinking of you.”  He says “When we were in the church, I was thinking what if that were Sheena walking down the aisle? What if that were you in the white dress?”  He tells me other things…but what I tell him is that my feelings have changed.

I have not been in many situations as real as that one.  As someone who suffered from the slow and painful death that is unrequited love, at his very hand, I did not want to be the cause of that kind of pain.  I offered him what I could, friendship…but I suppose that only assuages pain for so long.  I saw him recently walking along a busy downtown street.  It was apparent that he saw me and intended to walk past without speaking. When I got closer and waved hello, he gave me a head nod and kept it moving.  A swift nod of the head and a speedy walk off is what I got from a man I knew and had loved at one point in time, as if we had beef.  Shrugs.

While I’d like to see things different between the two of us, there isn’t much I can say.  When two hearts break, they really don’t break even and apparently they don’t break at the same time either.

Have you found this to be true in your dealings with romantic partners, or am I the only one out here getting head nods from old flames in these city streets?  Surely you’ve experienced someone who’s come back around after you’ve mended your hurt feelings and broken heart to profess their love once you’ve moved on.  Let’s talk about it.

Photo courtesy of shutterstock.com

Sheena Bryant is a writer and blogger in Chicago.  Follow her on twitter at @song_of_herself.

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blackloveandmarriage.com

Getting over a breakup is never an easy thing, especially if you were the one who was dumped. We may tell ourselves that we’re over him, that we’re better off and that he’ll never find another woman who loves him like we do – but deep down inside, we miss him. We might even want him back. These feelings fresh off a breakup are perfectly normal, and it’s okay to admit that we’re not over him just yet.

But if months and years go by and your feelings are still a little fuzzy, here are a few ways you can tell if you’re still in love with your ex…

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By Erica “RivaFlowz” Buddington

I was sixteen when my heart was broken for the first time. I remember clutching my chest, convinced the muscle was going to fall out of my chest. It took me a week to realize that it wouldn’t, a month to stop gripping my fists in anger and a year to breathe without a tinge of sadness stinging my core. After that first heartache, I took note of all the things that helped my healing process. When the serious relationships of my early twenties began to fall apart, with each one, I hurt a little less each time.

Articles, advice, and books on how to tag him, bag him and snag him surround us. However, it’s rare that these texts dwindle on how to cure yourself when he leaves. A lot of women actually prolong the process; listening to sad love songs, flipping through Facebook photos (to delete them) and analyzing every instance that led up to the relationship’s demise. This is not the way to heal. In fact, I’ve found ten ways that help assist the mending of my sorrow:

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You are going to feel like a fool many, many times in your life when it comes to love. You’re going to lose sleep trying to decode the guy whose been dragging you along—who loved you one day and ignored you the next. Every guy will seem unique to you but, it’s actually easier if you know this: They’re all the same. Or rather, the men that break your heart will seem like the same and most likely fall into one of the following categories.