All Articles Tagged "Ask a Very Smart Brotha"
Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Why Would A Man Want To Have Sex With A Woman Who’s Pregnant With Another Man’s Child?
There’s this reality show coming out about pregnant women trying to find dates. Naturally, these women aren’t with the men that impregnated them and they don’t want to wait nine months before they date and have sex again. I’ve heard from women who’ve been pregnant that their libido is heightened and the sex feels better etc. And I’ve heard several men say sex with a pregnant woman feels better because things are tighter and juicer. (LL Cool J even admitted to having sex with a pregnant woman–not his wife– in his interview with Oprah.) I understand that it feels good and whatnot. But I don’t understand how men are able to completely dismiss the evidence that, not only has another man been with this woman, a part of him is literally growing inside of her. Even though I know having sex won’t hurt the baby, something about it seems disrespectful. So the question is do you know men who’ve done this? And if not can you tell us how you think men might be able to rationalize something like this?
Thanks in advance,
Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com
Teshia: What do you do if you really like someone and they claim to like you but they stood you up twice..?
DY: Get the hint, and be on to the next one.
Dear Damon, I was with a man and we have been off and on for the past year and a half, he recently lost his job and somehow that has changed everything between us. When we first met he used to love having debates with me just because we have different opinions and our information was always from different sources. He’s an information junkie but I’m a student. He used to tell me how smart he thinks I am and how he loves that I am so articulate but since losing his job he barely wants to be around me or communicate with me because he says I annoy him. The last time we spoke I asked him if he was still planning to come to my graduation, two hours went by and still no reply from him so I told him he no longer has to give a response I will take it to be a no. This infuriated him and he said it’s things like that that make him not want to talk to me. My question is can someone who truly loves you and want to be with you, which he claims that he does, find you that repulsive to the point where they don’t want to be around you or talk to you, or is something else most likely going on?
Eva: Should u get back with an ex that has grown out of whatever issue that caused him to be your ex?
DY: Depends on the issue. My theory though, is that re-exing is like re-gifting. Sounds like a good idea, but you gave it away for a reason
Juanita: I have a question for him….do men ever think of their ex-fiancee even though they say they have moved on?
DY: As a person who has an ex-fiancee, I do think about her from time to time. I don’t want to rekindle or anything like that, but since she was a big part of my life for a couple years, I do wonder how she’s doing. I think that’s a normal thing. Again though, a person popping up in your mind from time to time doesn’t mean there are any type of regrets or thoughts of getting back together.
Essence: If you have been dating someone for 7 months, is that too soon to tell them “I love you”?!
DY: No. It’s only too soon if you don’t actually mean it
Faren: Is two weeks and two dates later too soon to like someone?
Lori: Damon, what do I do about a guy that has been pursuing me for 13 years and when I finally give him a chance he’s afraid of making a commitment?
DY: What changed after 13 years to make you finally agree?
Lori: I want to add that we dated in 1996. I broke up with him because he cheated. He has been pursing me ever since that relationship broke up.
DY: Yeah, I think his indecisiveness now should tell you everything you need to know about him
Post: Why do males tell females they love them but yet cheat and hurt them? That’s not love.
DY: For some people, it is actually. As hard as this is to believe, you can still love someone and cheat on them. Thing is, just because someone loves you doesn’t mean that you need to be in a relationship with them. And, if they’re cheating on you and hurting you, need to bounce
Kiara: What does it mean if a guy meets you and want to be serious really soon? I mean do I take it as him just knowing what he wants/looking for or is he running game?
DY: If we (men) know, we usually know immediately. So, while it is possible that he’s “running game,” a man wanting to commit quickly really isn’t all that rare.
I mean, if you’re not comfortable going full speed ahead, then you shouldn’t do that. But, like I said upthread, just because he expressed his feelings quickly doesn’t mean that they’re not real
Shaleith: Is it such a horrible thing that I decided to be celibate 2 1/2 years ago?
DY: Only if you think it is
Shaleith: I’m perfectly fine with my celibacy but the media isn’t
DY: Well, unless the media pops up in your bedroom or asks you out to dinner, I don’t see why you should pay it any attention.
Carmen: Can you love someone and still get irritated by them at the same time or is it just affection?
DY: Loving someone and being irritated at the same time is called “being in an adult relationship.”
Natasha: How often should married folks have sex?
DY: Depends on the people in the marriage. Some people are fine with once a week. Some even once or twice a month. Others need to have sex more frequently. Either way, there’s no set number that works for everyone
Danesha: I’m so use to be celibate, that i feel like i dont need a man anymore. What to do?
DY: Well, if you feel like you don’t need a man, you might not need a man. Some people are happier single.
Simplysenekea: Why are men so obsessed with the 3somes now more than ever?
DY: List of things men have always been obsessed with: Food, women, sex, grilling, multiple women, sex with multiple women, getting lost, spending a day grilling, and then going to have sex with multiple women, but getting lost on the way there, etc
Jasmine: What is the most reasonable time period in which a woman should receive a proposal from her boyfriend?
DY: I don’t believe in an arbitrary set time for things like that. But, I will say if you’re in your late 20s and above, just “dating” for longer than two years probably isn’t the best look
Hi Damon,Me and my husband have been going through a really rough time. Four months ago he lost his job and since then things between us have steadily been on the decline. I’m stressed because I have to pay our bills, clean the house and take care of our children while he basically sits at home all day. I don’t want to nag him and question him everyday about whether or not he’s taking the proper steps to find employment; but judging by the way the house looks when I come home in the evening, I’m pretty sure he’s lounging in front of the tv all day.The other morning things came to a head as I was trying to get the kids ready for school. He was still in bed and I asked him if he could help me out a little bit. He wouldn’t get up so I had to ask him at least three times. I guess he got frustrated because he called me out of my name. I know this wasn’t right but I completely lost it. I started screaming and throwing things at him. Once I’d calmed down, I asked him not to be home when I got back.Despite this rough patch, I still want to work on my marriage and I think it would be best to understand where his head is at right now. I don’t know if you’ve ever been in this position but can you, as a man, explain to me where a man’s head might be at when he’s unemployed. And then secondly, do you think I was wrong for putting him out of the house– at least temporarily? Where should we go from here?Thanks in advance,Distressed and Desperate
Tasha: Why black men don’t want to commit and get married
DY: There are actually a ton of Black men who are commitment/marriage-minded. You just have to find and date the ones looking for a commitment with you instead of the ones who aren’t looking for that.
I have a question for you. Some guy I know said that head is overrated. It shocked me cause I never heard I man say that before. Do more men feel that way, or is he just crazy?
Asking about Oral
I’m not sure exactly when and where it started—My best guess would be sometime after hearing Akinyele’s “Put It In Your Mouth” for the first time—but I remember being obsessed with the idea of someone going down on me. Actually, obsessed isn’t even the right word. This was an effing mission. A calling. A duty. I’d daydream about it while falling asleep in physics, wonder about it while waiting for the bus, and fantasize about it while at the foul line. Unfortunately, I was in high school at the time and I only dated black girls so, um…let’s just leave it at that.
Anyway, I finally was able to complete my mission when I got to college. And, while it felt very good, it was underwhelming. (I remember one of my teammates once remarking that it felt better than sex. After hearing that, I couldn’t help but think “What type of wack sex are you having?”) I thought this unremarkable experience would get better once I dated/hooked up with/slept with more women. But, after over a decade’s worth of oral sex, I can tell you that my feelings haven’t changed. Basically, I happen to personally agree with your friend. Receiving head is great. But, it’s not the end-all-be-all of sex some people make it out to be, and this makes it overrated.
(Interestingly enough, while I do think that head itself is overrated—I can honestly take it or leave it—I couldn’t be with a woman who didn’t enjoy doing it. The will/want to do it is more important to me than the actual act. I also seem to enjoy performing it much more than receiving.)
Thing is, I can’t speak for every man. As alluded to earlier, some men (and women) do in fact think that head is the best part about sex. I’m just not one of them, and I suspect that your friend and I aren’t the only “crazy” men out there.
Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com.
Recently, a few of my friends have come across the sentiment that men don’t want to even date seriously if they’re not in a certain place financially. Can you explain whether this is really a thing or an excuse to avoid commitment? And if it is a thing what types of markers do men need before they can feel comfortable progressing in a relationship?
Curious About Men And Cash