9 Reasons Why He’s Pulling Away From You

November 22, 2011  |  

"why hes pulling away"

Have you ever dated a man where everything is going perfectly and you are bonding on every level, spending all your time together, and even making plans for the future, and then poof, he’s gone?!  Well believe it or not, this is a more common scenario that you might think.  Men feel pressure just like women do, and when it comes to relationships many men take flight, before they fight.  Take a look at these 8 reasons why he might be pulling away from you — to perhaps see if you can stop it.

"stage 5 clinger"
1. You’re a stage-5 clinger

 Healthy space is good for a relationship.  Don’t be the girl who is overwhelmingly attached and goes MIA every time she enters a relationship.  If you have more free time on your hands than he does and have nothing else to do other than constantly be at his beck and call, you may be smothering him.  And we all know what happens when you smother a fire… it goes out!

"he lacks relationship skills"
2. He lacks relationship “skills”

 Let’s be honest.  Having a healthy relationship is an acquired skill.  You learn as you go, from past experiences and mistakes.  Perhaps he has never been in a serious relationship nor understands the effort and attention to detail a successful relationship takes.  Or maybe he does, and doesn’t want to put in the effort.  Whatever the reason, if you find your man pulling away and not able to explain his whereabouts, maybe you are more than he bargained for.  Chances are he is inexperienced and scared to make the wrong move, so decides to take flight.  Just as they say, it’s “Fight vs. Flight.”  Don’t you want a fighter anyways?

"no sexual attraction"
3. The sexual attraction is fading

The most common initial attraction between two people is sexual.  Just like the original iPhone, it’s special and exciting at first… but a month or two goes by and you find yourself already wanting the newer model.  At the beginning of a relationship our brain produces dopamine which has effects much like an opiate (i.e. heroin).  You feel alive and “high,” in absolute bliss.  Your man feels this too, which makes your mutual attraction so strong.  However, after about 4-6 months, dopamine stops being released in both of your brains and suddenly the closeness and attraction may not be as instant.  If this is where it fades, then maybe it was your brains doing all the work, and now its up to you two to keep the fire alive through work. See point number 2.

"another woman"
4. There’s another female

 If your man is seeing someone behind your back, this is usually characterized by inattention, not calling you back, being unaccounted for, and employing excuses that fifth graders use.  If you experience consistent tactical maneuvers such as these, he’s looking for a way out.  Yes, men have feelings and emotions, but they not as hard to read as women’s.  If you see your man twice a week, when before it was everyday, chances are something is taking your place on the other days.  If you don’t have a clear answer from him… it’s probably a woman.

"focused on work"
5. He is focusing on work

 Work is demanding.  So is a relationship.  It could be that his mind is so focused on his job and making a steady income, that he loses sight of your relationship.  Men feel a need to provide, which is a noble quality, but some get lost in the hustle and start spending more time at work, and less time with you. That’s not necessarily bad, if you can handle it.

"boring woman"
6. You are becoming boring

Find yourself on the couch, complaining and being the opposite of fun?  Then chances are he’s getting tired of you.  It could be you are too comfortable or there’s too many other things going on in your life –- but the truth of the matter is a healthy relationship is an active relationship.  Pick up some interests, train for a local run, or find a hobby that really intrigues you.  Chances are you man will commend you for your new activity and appreciate your new focus.

"he doenst make enough money"
7. He feels inadequate

Financial responsibility, providing for a family, and doing all the things that men are required to supply in a relationship can be daunting.  Once the pressure becomes too much, some men begin to pull away.

A Sad Black Bride

8. He’s not ready to marry — but it’s obvious you are

If he’s feeling pressure from you, your family, and your friends to pop the question, he might instinctively pull away if that idea is not on his radar.  Some men don’t prioritize marriage like women do.  If it’s not in his future, but has it blaring in his face as a “must,” he might take the easy road and take a hike.

"just not right"
9. It’s just not “right”

He’s getting to know you more and more, but for some reason he sees you as less a part of his future.  But, why?  Is it the classic “I’m not good enough for her”? Maybe.  It could also be his habits, family, or general direction in life.  But whatever the cause, deep down, the confidence and soul mate feeling is not there.  Typically his mind will be made up, which is why he is slowly distancing himself from you.  It could even be a gut feeling he has, or a specific quality that he can’t find in you.  Whatever it is, take it as a sign that you two are not meant to be together and you don’t need to sell yourself to anyone.  Be who you are and be confident in that.  The right guy will love you for who you are.

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  • Matthew Coast

    Yep, men like space in a relationship. You’re probably best off giving him space before he needs it.

  • Pingback: 3 Major Reasons Why men pull away in a relationship | Dufnet()

  • star

    Men are emotional cowards, control freaks even if it’s not their life to control. They are the ones destroying the love experience with their delusion that they are the head, so therefore what they says goes. Women allow men to decide their fate in this world because they’ve been told that their opinion is of less value…..Men are over-rated…I wonder what it’s like to date an alien????? *hmmm one can wonder*

    • Hope Floats

      Interesting point of view! And I too agree that they are “emotional cowards”. Case in point, men are TERRIBLE at breaking up. Guys really, it’s not that difficult. Grow some balls and simply tell her EXACTLY how you feel. No need for the distancing, break up texts, or sabotaging! Those are all behaviors consistent with BOYS.

      • Womenarefullofit

        You women are delousional…emotional cowards?? More like women are emotional bullies and world class manipulators. This article is a fluff piece at best,geared to feed you gals ‘s HUGE BLOATED egos and the BS you constantly feed each other. We aren’t the ones who’s ego is so out of control that they have to lie every morning b4 speaking 1 word. The truth is most women are jerks,A-holes and self centered who’s main narrative is her own self importance. THATS the REAL reason we don’t stick around these days. When we get a wiff of y’all’s BS we are like “WELP, she’s NOT any different than the other Kim K types so DUECES!!”

  • Katy, you should watch the “Why Men Pull Away” presentation at: WhyHePullsAway .info

  • Ray C

    I’m not agreeing with the work one or the one about seeing each other less. You can’t make one point that sex might naturally slow down after time then say it’s not cool for the time to slow down as well. When something is new you spend a lot of time on it. No matter what it is, you might spend every day or every week on something new then move to a more reasonable schedule. Everyone is all excited and gung-ho about new things. As for the work one, go back to the one about being clingy. For some of us going to work is almost as good as going out. It’s the only time to get away from you. That’s not to say it in a bad way, but I think someone in a relationship is just like a new superstar. They can get overexposed. That’s why a lot of men don’t try. We know women expect us to carry on whatever we do in the beginning. They let low expectations from the beginning. Seeing a person 7 days a week is not necessarily sustainable if you don’t live together.

  • ThinkAboutIt

    “The right guy will love you for who you are.” I wish I had learned this lesson about ten years ago. Looking back, there have been two gentlemen I have been in relationships with, who fit this principle. They liked me for me, appreciating not merely my outward appearance, but also the true “me”, the inner me. They were great catches, willing to work at the relationship. But because of my own distorted feelings of inadequacy, I pulled away myself, and let them go. Big mistake. I’ve received this same advice (find the one who loves and accepts you for who you are) from a happily married former classmate (female), and also from two elder gentlemen with decades of marriage under their belts. It is sage advice!

  • Hmmmmm

    “you don’t need to sell yourself to anyone.”

    That’s your problem.
    It’s 2011. Sitting and being cute and bright and educated aint enough….it’s very common and damn near close to the norm. Men, like women are asking “why should I spend the rest of my life with you?” And if you are not selling anything worth it many men (with options, that is)  feel like Gloria Steinem….”I need this like a fish needs a bike.”

    None of us are perfect the way we are and there is room for women to step it up like men. We all have to sell ourselves….at work and yes in relationships. All of us. Even all of the ladies. Yes, you are close to perfect in every way! But there is room for you to work on your  ish.

    Stop listening to your girls friends never-ending flattery and do some self-evaluation.

    • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

      while you definitely make some good points, maybe it’s just the word “sell” that sounds a little off. Because when I hear that word, I think of car salesmen, commercials, etc…in a word (or two),  embellishment and in most cases FALSE ADVERTISING.

      Only allowing someone to see your best assets, but never the full story, is not healthy grounds for a relationship. Being yourself without “selling yourself” is what works for most SUCCESSFUL, SUSTAINED relationships I know of…including my own.