The Thirst Files: How He Dickmatized Her

August 28, 2012  |  



“The Thirst Is Real.” Is it? Isn’t it? These days, “the thirst” has become a ubiquitous term showing up everywhere from Frank Ocean’s tweets to ratchet reality shows. But what is the thirst? In our series “The Thirst Files,” we decide to share stories and essays that communicate one angle of the thirst whether it involves a woman who develops a sexual addiction or a married man who stalks for affection via the internet. Just so you know, we’re not taking ourselves too seriously here but wanted to take a more focused approach to understanding this thing called “The Thirst” lol. Enjoy our first installment and let us know what other angles of the thirst you’d like to see explored.  


Christina first saw him as she was walking out of her anthropology class. He was one of the football player types she liked. Tall, muscular with dark, smooth skin.  She was messing with another guy; but she knew it wasn’t going anywhere, so she indulged, free of all guilt. Her admiration was never vocalized until the day she saw him at the bar. She was a bit past tipsy and suddenly had the courage to approach him. On command he bought her a drink and they exchanged numbers. He… we’ll call him Mr. Magic, seeing that her phone was nestled in her bra, decided to call her just to watch it light up and vibrate in her cleavage.

She wasn’t turned off by his behavior because she knew, even then, she had no intention of calling him. Christina was with somebody at the moment. Over the next couple of years, he’d text her randomly, promising that he’d show her a good time. Sometimes she flirted back, agreeing to meet him only to go and spend time with the other guy. Eventually, under adverse circumstances Christina moved in with the other guy. The true nature of their relationship was exposed as she saw firsthand, how involved he still was with his baby mama and other random (older) women he was also sleeping with. Like clockwork, Mr. Magic called again, asking to take her out. This time she agreed. Ironically “the other guy” had the nerve to act offended when Mr. Magic showed up at the door to pick her up. She hopped in the car, watching the other guy give them the finger as they headed to the movies. On the way back to the house she shared with “the other guy” and his friend, Mr. Magic asked her, quite frankly, “So, when are we going to have sex?”

Christina couldn’t even be shocked by this very blunt, very crass question. She just responded with what she thought was the honest truth… “We’re not.”  In all honesty, Christina and Mr. Magic weren’t a great match. He wasn’t much for conversation, they had nothing in common and it seemed like the only thing he had to offer her was his body…specifically, his third leg. After years of subpar sex with “the other guy,” she wasn’t in a rush to take him up on that offer.

But Mr. Magic was quite persistent. Once she was able to escape “the other guy.” She saw him again and another time after that. One night Christina made spaghetti and decided to take some of it over to Mr. Magic’s hotel room. The spaghetti went uneaten. Watching television on the couch turned to fooling around and fooling around turned to the most mind-blowing sex Christina had ever had. She described the escapade to her friends, explaining how she became friends with his penis. (She named him.) She marveled at how delicious his dark skin contrasted with the white sheets. Everything about the sex was perfect. It was just the pillow talk and the subsequent interactions that left her wanting.

Sometime in between coitus she noted, jokingly, that Mr. Magic was timid. She saw his brow furrow in contemplation but he didn’t respond, so she figured he didn’t find her quip humorous. Later, hours later, as he walked her to the door of his hotel room, he asked in all seriousness, “Timid…that means shy right?”

So Mr. Magic wasn’t a genius; but it was already too late, Christina was, as they say, sprung off that thang. There was very little Mr. Magic could say or do to discourage her from seeing (and sexing) him again.

He was drafted into the NFL, so for an extended period of time, she and her friend were completely cut off. It was during this time that Christina realized just how pressed she had become. Lucky for her, it wasn’t long before Mr. Magic was back in town. And he wanted to see her. Instead of driving to her apartment, he texted her directions at 10 o clock at night and Christina thirstily drove the 2 hours to his hotel room. This time, the sex wasn’t as good as it was before but still enjoyable. (Mr. Magic was on some jack hammer ish this time.)

Later he was spent and Christina joked about him being narcoleptic. Immediately, it was clear he wasn’t familiar with this word either. This time Christina tried to educate him by providing a reference to the Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo movie. He was familiar. Then he took the association even further, asking “Is that kind of like rigormortis?” Trying to make him more comfortable, Christina agreed. “Yeah, kinda.”  Mr. Magic then went on to share with Christina that he was familiar with rigormortis because his grandfather was a mortician. And in the middle of their post-coital, cuddle time, Mr. Magic told Christina that he used to help his grandfather break the bones of the dead bodies that came into the funeral homes.


Because of Mr. Magic’s schedule, he and Christina weren’t able to ever link up again. Despite his…challenges and the fact that they’d never had a substantial conversation, she still yearned to have her friend back. That was about a year ago and even though Christina knows, deep down, that she and Mr. Magic aren’t well suited for each other; she’s still going through withdrawals.

Have you ever been dickmatized? How did you break free?

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  • Pingback: The Thirst Files: Nothing’s Wrong With A Little E-Flirting Between Two Married People, Right? | Hot 96.3()

  • Elle Royal

    lmao……Refille…Take it to the head, don’t talk about it be about it, no excuses no apologies…..

  • cw


  • Ifuaskme2

    My 7 y.o. could write a better article. I feel a headache coming on. Damn!

  • Ai

    Please delete this lame article and submit it to a middle school fan fic because this was childish and stupid.

  • Pivyque

    Well…this is a perfect example of why people need to exercise self control and not put themselves in certain situations.

    • chanela

      thank you! this is all i was trying to say and here people go getting mad because they feel judged and saying that i’m on a high horse. smh

      • Pivyque

        Are you talking about the girl with the 12 year thing going on comment? Yeah, I don’t know why everyone was attacking you. I hate to “preach” or “lecture” but whenever I hear something like that, it just gives me an even better reason to continue to encourage the young ladies that I mentor to wait until marriage lol Not even for religious reasons, it’s just to simplify your life.

  • Elle

    Wth!? This article was garbage.

  • Mikkalotious

    YES LAWD!! OMG…to make a long story short… Jerry Springer would have sold both his lungs for my story….it was like crack I guess… But some 15 yrs later I finally came to the realization that the guy and me where never going to be a couple and that his interest was truly below my waist and that was it. I look back now and an old negro spiritual comes to mind…” How I got over…over…my soul looks back and wonders….how I got over” !! I still think about our escapades to this day….but in the words of a song by the queen of soul herself (Aretha Franklin) ” Aint No Way…you know it aint no way….. it aint no way Baby…” . My message to all my Queen Sistahs’ don’t be fooled. Some men just have skills BUT, Stop…Look and Listen…go in the bathroom and slash cold water on your face….and just look at the situation realistically….WE ARE WORTH WAY MORE, THEN WHAT WE SETTLE FOR. Gurls, I know it can be the BOMB…Lawd knows I do… but in the words of Ms. Sophia from the Color Purple ….” IT AINT WUFF IT…IT AINT WUFF IT..” take care and God bless us all.

  • Gimmeabreak78

    Reading this article was five minutes of my life that I’m never going to get back. SMH.

  • TeahMonae

    This article was “50 Shades of Cray” ( and not in a good way). And I can’t take a writer seriously named “Renay Alize!” Come on MN!

  • Patricia

    Boy, this must be a very boring day for you. You had a lot of time on your hands to even write this.

  • FStubbs

    Probably happens to a lot of women. The Bible says the act of sex is what makes a man and a woman “become one flesh”. You are spiritually joined together. She’s joined with that guy now, and even if she finds a good man later on, the memory of being with that man, that spirit tie, will always be with her. Even worse if her husband just isn’t as physically gifted as that guy. She’ll always compare.

    • Mikkalotious

      PREACH!!! I am so there…everyday of my life…and that ordeal has been over for at least 3 years.

    • Pivyque

      I agree with you.

  • WesB

    Dang! I thought this story was going to be on the same level as a Zane book. Guess I was wrong. Lol

  • poetsgroove

    I guess the title had me going, but it failed to deliver.

  • This could have been written better but I’ve been going through something like this for about 4 years now. Only difference is now I’m older and want different things. Good sex is exactly that, good sex but it shouldn’t be a substitute for a relationship.

  • mac

    ……………..oh the story’s over? *closes window*

  • jackieOsassin

    i broke free by realizing there’s someone out there who has even better sex AND is emotionally available for me and genuinely wants to be there for me romantically. i set out on my quest…

    and that’s when i found my amazing boyfriend. 2 years strong. : )

    • Mikkalotious

      That’s great!! I am happy for you!! ;>

  • Olivia

    I have a situation that whenever I tell people about it, they say i’m dickmatized….but, um, after 3 1/2 years of emotionally blackmailing, abusive b.s. from my ex it feels good to have someone that loves and accepts you for who you are…the amazing sex is a bonus.

  • Kirby

    Why did I just spend my time reading this?

  • Smacks_hoes

    This sucked!!!

  • PD

    That was the worst article EVER!!!! It had zero climax or excitement. You told an elaborate story in the beginning that had nothing to do with the point of the story. Whack whack whack….please get rid of this writer M.N.

    • Nada


    • Stanley

      That’s why I like to read some of the highest rated comments before reading anything. I’m not reading this.

  • cochella

    Yes I a have been and still am. There is this guy that i met about 12 years ago it went nowhere but then a couple of years ago we met again and the cycle started all over again. He is a jerk and annoying but the BEST sex I ever had! I get goosebumps anytime he touches me. I know it will never end up being more than it was. I recently was in a relationship and told him we can no longer have sex; that was 7 months ago. I have since broken up and now I want to contact him but I will try my best to resist by remembering all the jerky things he did. Hope it works!

    • chanela

      how dumb! have some self esteem! so sad that these women are “dickmatized” even though they know the man is no good.. and then when they get pregnant (Because ya know, that’s the whole purpose of sex) then they complain that they have a dead beat baby daddy(ew i hate that word) and start to hate their kids for looking like their dad. that’s how the ish starts. SMH

      sorry for bringing so much reality to this

      • Gimmeabreak78

        Your comment is beyond condescending. Even if you don’t agree with Cochella’s life decisions, you really need to chill on the overt “holier-than-thou” steez, because I’m sure if someone were to shake your bedsheets, a few losers would fall out, boo.

        • chanela

          are you serious!?!? how is is holier than thou when it’s TRUE?!? us women really need to get it together! this whol “dickmatized” by absolute losers thing is not cute! i’m not being “holier than thou” i’m just wondering why the hell other women aren’t worrying bout that. it happens every damn day with women getting pregnant by men who they never should have had sex with in the first place.

          fyi NO if you shook my bedsheets there would be no such thing. just because you has sex with loser men doesn’t mean that everybody makes that mistake. i actually waited until i felt that the man i’m with was worth having sex with.
          i can’t believe i’m being thrown under a bus for having common sense. SMH

          • Gimmeabreak78

            Yes, I’m completely serious, are you? You say how can it be “holier than thou when it’s TRUE”? I reply by asking you how can be sure it’s true if you don’t even know the person you trashed as being dumb and needing to get self-esteem? Coachella never mentioned anything about getting pregnant by this man, yet you seem to have conferred that “baby mama” status upon her. For the record, I don’t have sex with loser men either (once again you have conferred a status upon a person you don’t know anything about), but that doesn’t mean that I have the right to trash her when she responded to the question the author asked (i.e. “has this happened to you”). The article (however poorly written) was clearly intended as a vehicle for women to commiserate together over past bad sexual decisions (which most people have made, including you, I suspect, ESPECIALLY if you aren’t married to this man that is OH SO WORTH having sex with). I just pray to God that you aren’t a minister, or a drug counselor, because frankly, your attitude towards people who have made mistakes is completely STANK! 🙂

            • chanela

              a mistake? um no, when you deliberately lay down and have sex with someone who you know is a horrible person and wants nothing to do with you is stupidity. good for you if you want to make people who don’t think straight feel better. sex is a very serious thing to commit to. there are lots of consequences and possibilities when you decide to have sex with someone. it should be common sense to NOT continue to waste your time with someone let alone let them into our bodies when they are acting a fool. we need to drill this into our fellow ladies’ heads!

              i just find it sad that so many women are doing this… then they want sympathy when they’re pregnant and stuck which a child with this “man”. i don’t care if i’m called judgmental it’s the truth. if you can’t handle it and you want to baby sit and sugar coat things then that’s your problem, not mine. i have no sympathy for women who don’t know about sex. you are an adult, you should know better!

              • Gimmeabreak78

                Yes, that’s exactly what a mistake is–making a bad or improper decision. Coachella freely admitted that her carrying on with the man in question was a mistake. Clearly there is a different definition for the word “mistake” in your dictionary. I won’t waste anymore of my time in a battle of wits with an unarmed person. Have a pleasant evening.

                • Elle Royal

                  u 2 were talking about different subjects. u were not on the same page in concept. it was abattle however. she stood her ground. It wasn’t a KO but by unaimous decision you were delivered the victory because of you punches and just being on the right page. aND THE WINNER IS GIMMEABREAK78

            • Elle Royal


          • Elle Royal

            im all late and stuff…but…you talking bout something totally different than being dickmatized. you talkinig bout desperate women who think a way to get a man is to get pregnant.
            your anal approach is more than likely cause aint nobody dickmatized you. You need to go on and let it happen.

            • chanela

              no you’re talking about something else LMAO they are talking about being “dickmatized” by someone who is not a good person to them. all i’m saying is why be dumb by having sex with somebody who doesn’t care about you when there are so many risks involved with sex.

              i can’t believe i’m being called anal just because i’m not running around sleeping with men who aren’t worth my time and aren’t worth the consequences just cause hes good in bed. that is so damn ignorant. no wonder why it’s so much baby mama drama going on in the world. people are putting sex above everything.

              sorry for offending you by having self worth and thinking ahead.

        • Elle Royal

          u checked her. that’s what’s up!

      • Mikkalotious

        Aaa…some of us have the sense to use birth control…Self esteem didn’t have anything to do with it for me…IT WAS THE BEST I HAD EVER HAD IN MY LIFE AND I WAS CAUGHT UP BOTH PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. That’s not dumb. It is called being honest and sharing and experience with someone else that maybe in that situation right now.. that’s all… I am not attacking you is just I don’t like to see some one call something that is a reality for some people dumb. If it has never happened to you…that’s great..but remember this: Shared experiences are tools for others to learn by. peace~

        • chanela

          um okay but birth control doesn’t always work so us ladies REALLY need to be careful. i wish women would get it through their heads that they if they would stop having sex with men that don’t care about them/are no good then most of their issues would be non existant. SMH

          • mac

            I see what chanela is saying, it’s just the way she’s saying it.
            She’s right that women should have more sense and self-worth than to carry on with a man who couldn’t give a **** about them except for what’s between their legs.
            However, we all grow at different paces and some women learn their lesson slower than others…sometimes not at all.

            Either way it’s not anyone’s place to cast aspersions on them because we all have skeletons in our closet. I’m sure most, if not all women can think of an instance when they were emotionally stupid for a man, whether the situation involved sex or not.

            Whenever a judgmental thought about such women comes to my head, I stop myself, because you don’t know what they’re overcompensating for.
            “Get some self-esteem” is so much easier said than done.

            And they sure won’t get any by being condescended to and criticized.

            No you shouldn’t sugarcoat, but there’s a thick line between sugarcoating and speaking with love instead of disgust and self-righteousness.

            Instead of dismissively saying “get some self esteem”, you can remind these women that their body is precious and a privilege to receive –a privilege that should be given to a man who fulfills them emotionally first, not just sexually.

            • chanela

              it’s not even being dismissive ,judgmental,on a high horse,or self righteous. seriously? well hell, if that’s what they’re calling it nowadays to mean having a good head on my shoulders and thinking before i act then so be it.

              the only way i’m saying anything is straight up. it IS dumb. it IS sad. it IS having low self worth to do those things but whatever. let’s just say “aww it’s okay that girl is hating and being on her high horse” because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make them feel “criticized”.

              i’m not looking down on anybody.i’m just dumbfounded by how sooo many women talk about being “dickmatized” by men who can potentially ruin their life. it’s just unbelievable to me how so many people who probably claim to be a “grown a** woman” fall into this trap.

              i’m sorry that you guys are offended. i’m just trying to say STOP HAVING SEX WITH WHO ARE NO GOOD!! why is that so bad? how in the hell is that judgmental?

              • mac

                Seeing as how I dont belong to the group of women you’re talking about, I’m not offended; turned off is more like it.

                Even if you’re being “real”, there’s still a proper way to express opinions without being demeaning.

                Yes, these women probably struggle with self esteem issues of some sort, and what good are you doing by tearing them down and telling them they don’t have common sense or self worth? These women need to be built up and reminded of their worth.

                The man you mentioned in your other post, the one you waited to feel was “worth having sex with”, he could leave you tomorrow or next week, and then wouldn’t that put you in the same boat as these women?

                Why are you assuming other women don’t wait and see if the man they’re with is “worth having sex with”, and they just turn out to be wrong?

                Even if you don’t struggle with bad decisions with men, I’m sure there’s other areas of your life or your character that aren’t sparkly clean, for which YOU need grace extended

                EVERYONE has an issue, including you.

            • Mikkalotious

              Great comment. Thank you. Obviously the person that made that misunderstood comment is possibly young and still has a little more road to travel and things to see..

              • Elle Royal


      • mia

        It’s not always about self-esteem. Minus the sexual aspect, I was in a similar situation and I like to think I have very high self esteem.

        There was a guy I was involved with; we never had sex, and even though I knew that’s all he wanted, I still strung him along.
        Why? Because he simply made me feel wanted.

        Mind you, I was kind of going through a dry love season, plus trying to get over a previous guy, and sometimes in that situation even affection from the wrong person seems to suffice, even though it shouldn’t.

        I guess what I’m saying is even the best of us have lapses of judgement and our self esteem is not defined by them.

        If you’ve never been in a compromised situation with a man, I’m happy for you. That still doesn’t give you the right to sit on a high horse and look down on others. I’m sure you have moments in your life you’re not proud of, that you wouldn’t want your character defined by.

      • Elle Royal

        what does being dickmatized have to do with self esteem? this has to do with an efficient way to gratification. nobody expected a relationship or romance from this.
        sorry for grounding this story in reality. lol

  • FromUR2UB

    This is the kind of stuff my best friend and I used to sneak and read in Rosemary Rodgers and Sidney Sheldon books when we were 13. The only thing missing are the pulsing, throbbing and heaving adverbs.

    • Candacey Doris

      And adjectives for crushed, tight, and/or wet. Everything else is there.

  • L-Boogie

    Really? Doing soft-porn books now?!?!? LOL!