So What If I Don’t Cook? This Is For Women Who Aren’t Obsessed With What Men Want In A Wife

July 11, 2012  |  


What do Carrie Bradshaw, Rachel Greene, Beyonce, Madonna and Michelle Obama have in common? At one time or another these real and fictional characters have all admitted they don’t (or don’t like to) cook. Recently, I’ve quit that club and started cooking for fun.

It’s weird because I was definitely one of those non-cooking single women that single male bloggers bash every chance they get. Unfazed by the opinion of men I don’t know, I held fast to my thought that if a man was looking to date Rachael Ray then he was looking at the wrong one. I could make a great bowl of cereal and my vegetables steamed in the microwave were delicious, but like Carrie Bradshaw, I kept sweaters in my stove and I was perfectly content with that.

It wasn’t that I couldn’t cook or hated cooking. I just wasn’t convinced that cooking for one was cheaper, healthier or the best use of my time. At first, my stance was nonchalant and not completely thought through. However, the more it was contested by men I wasn’t even dating, the more that I didn’t want to cook.

People who knew I wasn’t regularly firing up the skillet to feed potential suitors would ask me incredulously, “Well what are you going to do when you get married?” as if cooking was wifely duty number one. Cooking on a regular basis solely because that’s what married women do didn’t served as motivation for me anyway.

You see, I believe that the expectation for women to treat their boyfriends (official and unofficial) like husbands is problematic. Dating me was not marrying me and using the oft-repeated argument that a “wife should cook” as a reason why I should cook seemed ridiculous considering that I was not a wife nor necessarily angling for a ring.

The women who co-signed this nonsense always seemed to be those long-suffering girlfriends, foaming at the mouth for an engagement ring yet unaware of the fact that they were on a multi-year audition, checking off everything on their respective boyfriends’ arbitrary “what I want in a wife” list without a ring in sight. I figured the more excellent way was to ignore them and continue eating my steamed peas and carrots while spending my time and money how I saw fit. If I got married in the process, great, but my boyfriends knew that cooking was not high on my priority list and I refused to play pretend.

I use the cooking example because that was my thing, but I understand that there are some women who like to cook and don’t do it to prove that they’re “wife material”. It’s not about cooking at all. It’s about the fallacy that a single woman’s actions should always be in line with what would be considered “wife material”. Over and over women are admonished to lose weight, learn to cook, dial down the clubbing, step up your shoe game, get a graduate degree, buy an iPhone, don’t make more money than your man, stop wearing acrylics, sew in some weave, and the list goes on.

That’s exhausting!

It also implies that men are all the same and all want the same things in a woman. There’s no compulsory list of what men want in a wife because men (like women) want different things and, in fact, the same man may want different things depending on his current maturity level. If I am working overtime trying to be what this guy wants, then what happens when I meet the next guy who wants something totally different? I’m back to square one without a clue what I want.

I figured that I’d rather just be who I am and meet a man who is compatible with me without struggling to meet the evasive “standard wife material” bar. Besides, I believe that the men who insist that a single woman should be acting like his wife, are men who want a wife without having to get married. What part of the game is that?

When I did get engaged then married, I didn’t intend to start cooking, it just happened. Marriage is a stronger motivator than I ever expected!  In fact, I’ve found myself suddenly doing all sorts of things that I’m guessing a wife should do. In that way, getting married has made me discover a better version of myself. My husband got more than he bargained for and that’s always a nice surprise. As for the men who may have passed me over because I rarely boiled an egg back then?

Their loss.

What do you think? Do you think single women are pressured to make sure their actions are in line with what would be considered “wife material”?

Follow Alissa on Twitter @AlissaInPink

More on Madame Noire!


Trending on MadameNoire

View Comments
Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • Morena

    Wow.. Thank you for this, you pretty much wrote how I felt…I know this is old but I my domestic qualities about myself have been attracting the wrong men. Especially men that have not even taken me on a date. I love and really enjoy cooking, not because it will make me “wife material” I hate being called that. When I cook for people male or female, I’m just being hospitable. I cooked one time for both me and this guy, because I was really hungry and my apartment was right there. It back fired on me. He never took me out to eat. We were suppose to go on a date, to a concert and he had the audacity to text me and ask me if I could eat at home first before the concert, because he didnt have money. The tickets he got were free, he had a job, he was just cheap and selfish. I never saw him again. He cared more about what I was making to eat than me. He never cooked , where he lived, he never had a kitchen. He always ate at work and his mothers house. He was a man child and needy. My independence and being a simple low maintenance woman, always backfires on me. And its crazy because these men don’t even know me, but they want a woman like me, and want me to exude wifely duties and they are not even my man. I love cooking just like I said because I enjoy it. not because i want a ring. Men keep trying to lock me down within minutes of meeting me, as soon as I say, I cook. Its a high turn off and I can’t stand it.I have not dated in almost 7 years because of this.

  • John Hintergardt

    Stay single my friends.

  • maestrodq

    People have tendency to lump cooking, working out, etc. with fulfilling the wishes of their future spouse. While that could be a contributing factor, you should really care enough for your health to cook. Eating out and eating frozen dinners will ruin your health in the long run. So workout and cook for your health.

  • greatguy999

    It will take you a longer time to find a man who will “wife” you with this your attitude. More important than cooking, guys want a woman who is easy to get along with; who would rather work through disagreements, not make unyielding rules. After all, it’s the man’s choice to propose; the woman’s to respond. With a salty attitude, you can totally disqualify yourself from being proposed to.

    • standing

      Can I get an A-MEN in this holy house of worship?

    • Rea

      Actually women do propose to man, it could be their choice too. Its 2015 not 1930. There are plenty women who proposed to men. And if men keep want conditions on their ‘love’ like being able to cook and clean or they dont want that women then they totally disqualify themselves to find a women who accept their proposal or propose to them

      • greatguy999

        You forgot that men have much more time than women. Fact is, men will never lose this game. We have peered into the future and already know who won.

      • greatguy999

        Proposal is not the same as acceptance. Women may go ahead and propose to men. She will forever remember though that her man did not pursue her enough to want to be with her; that she was the one taking the lead in her relationship. And what is the fun in that for a woman?

  • Pingback: The case for women who don't want to cook | Stardust()

  • xisnotx

    their loss? what did they lose? a woman who didn’t cook? i’m just shocked that this is that big of a thing. i didn’t even realize it. i thought it was just “what would happen”. to realize that it’s not…that this is even a conversation, an argument? that’s the real shocking thing about all this.

    • greatguy999

      Example of some women over pricing themselves.
      Of what use is a woman to a man when she will not cook; when the man cannot even expect a right to sex in his own marriage? What is the reason for marrying a woman then? What is she useful to him for?

  • Kristina Tramel

    Both my husband and I can cook and take turns doing so when one is tired or just plain don’t feel like it.

    I plan on teaching my son how to cook also so when he’s an adult he can take care of himself and he wouldn’t have to eat fast food all the time.

    • Alma

      I’m amazed at how many(not all)on both sides of this issue have a “your role is supposed to be” attitude. Why are y’all arguing over something both men and women can do to show love to each other? As a Gay American I can tell you my wife and I both cook, but it depends on who has the time and energy to do so on any given day. It doesn’t make sense to say a man or woman cannot be a loving partner if they can’t, choose not to cook. Many’s the night we’ve both been so tired that a bowl of cereal was just fine. Some nights we have breakfast for supper because it’s quick, comforting and we toss a coin to see who cooks who does the dishes.
      When I was growing up, from age 10 on we all had cooking duties to do when we came home from school, including my brother. Mom left notes like, “peel 8 potatoes and start them cooking at 5” or getting veggies from the freezer or root room where we had canned that summer. When momma came home from work all she had to do was prepare the meat and if it was something simple we would do that too. Especially on Mondays, we all took a fierce pride in having supper ready when our parents got home. Don’t be so rigid in your expectations of someone who could very well be a loving, caring spouse who sticks with you through good and bad times.

      • Morena

        Thank you for this Alma, Muchas Gracias pro eso!!! :). LOL. I cook because I love to do it, not because i’m obligated. I have met men, before they even took me out, wanted to know if I did this and that and wanted to test drive me. I blocked them and never spoke to them again. My domestic qualities really work against me, but one day the right man will enter my life and will appreciate what I have to offer. Cooking your own food should be nourishing. My brother, almost had a diabetic stoke, because he ate out every single day and gained weight. He never learned how to cook and doesnt care too, every womam he meets, he always looks to see what they are cooking. He still single. My mami taught me how to cook before she passed and the first thing was rice. Everything else I learned on my own. But I enjoy it. I’m single, but I enjoy controlling what I put into my body and a lot of diseases or sickness can be avoided if we took the time to nourish our mind body and soul. A lot of people have expectations and they don’t even know if the person they are thrown their wants and needs at, if they would even make a great partner. I feel like the men I met in the past, if they would have stopped rushing, who knows, we could have been great together but they came at me, demanding this and that, and being controlling and we haven’t even went out yet?? WTF!! LOL….I’m saying to myself, calm down…what is this rush for???? When I cook its a sign of love and compassion. not obligation.

  • @ Julia hahaha pasta is my specialty! well tacos also…okay anything that requires just ground beef…Idc Im 29 Im single and I can cook but, I just prefer not to except for picnics with the fam. My last relationship he complained so I started being the dishwasher, it worked out though, he went to culinary school and hated doing the dishes lol

  • honesty jones

    This is ridiculous; everyone is held to a marriage material standard both men and women. Men are expecting to “be a man” and women to be a woman; what’s most important is that you toss that crap out the window and find someone compatible that’s willing to grow with you as your relationship ages.

    • greatguy999

      And how is that working out—with 50% divorce rate?

  • separationisnatural

    A woman looves to cook and take care of a REAL MAN. Most of the comments here sound like women who r tired of men not stepping up to the plate. Im a muslim. And muslim men are REQUIRED to provide solely. My husband is a REAL man pays ALL the bills keeps the finances together great leader protecter he’s deeply spiritual etc. When we got married I ran to the kitchen to prepare meals clean etc. But I wuda looked at him with utter disgust if he was not being a real man yet wanted me to cook and clean etc. Women MUST learn to cook tho b/c we shud be the first doctor in our homes. Knowing how to heal our families with hood clean healthy foods.

    • separationisnatural

      “Good” clean foods not Hood. I hate autocorrect!! LOL

  • FattyKimye

    I’ve been cooking since I was 10 years old and I love to cook instead of going to fast food places and wasting my money there on unhealthy foods. My fave thing to cook is whole chicken and meatloaf. Plus my boyfriend (who is white) loves my cooking and says tells me that I’m the only woman in his life who doesn’t let him go hungry. I credit my mom, grandma and my ex-husband’s mom for teaching me how to throw down in the kitchen

    • separationisnatural

      Amen!!! You don’t know if ppl wash their hands or nothing when u eat out. Yikes! Ugghh! We DO NOT eat out in my household. Only every Blue moon. Or dire emergency.

  • Lrocka

    GIRL! This piece is so on point I was literally shouting at the computer like i’m watching church service…you better PREACH! I was an avid, “I don’t like to cook” type of girl, in fact if someone wanted to turn me off instantly they would tell me that they expect their woman to cook(which has in fact happened to me on the first date) My mindset was simple. 1) I’m not about to START cooking for a man when I didn’t even cook for myself. It’s not like I was saying “oh, forget him i’m not cooking for that dude. But rather, I didn’t feel like cooking for myself. Especially in the summer time, i’d rather just budget to go pick it up already cooked than to “slave over a stove.”
    THEN my argument to any man that did say that to me(if I infact stuck around to respond to that foolery) I would be like, sure if you want your WIFE to cook for you when you get home then cool, but here’s the problem, I’m NOT a wife yet, and i’m am vehemently opposed to giving someone wifely benefits without actually being married. you can miss me with that argument. Someone told me once, you have to audition for the role of “my wife” I was like “sweety we been together for 2 years: The Champ Is Here!” Please don’t get me started. Now, I will say I can cook and I do more often(for myself) so, i’d be more than willing to rise to the occasion once I am wed. But until that happens, don’t even mention the word “cooking” to me unless I tell you i’m throwing a dinner party that you’re invited too! Also, i’ve found I’m more inclined to cook for a man when he doesn’t command that I have to like that’s in the bible. “What part of the game is that?” <- For REAL! VERY VERY great piece. I literally couldn't have expressed it better myself. You Bad! (Real, bad Michael Jackson)

  • black boy

    ladies please explain something to me. why is it ok for a woman to want a man to play the traditional male husband role, but woman don’t want to play the traditional wife role? I just don’t understand that

    • Guest1234

      What r u smoking? When have you ever met a woman nowadays who doesn’t work? Men sure don’t mind us bringing home a paycheck, but pull out that “traditional wife” crap to force us into the kitchen, too.

      Men don’t play the traditional role either. That would mean bringing home enough bacon that we don’t need to work. Ya’ll ain’t doing that. So put a sock in it!

      And I don’t know a single man who would prefer his wife stay at home cooking dinner to a wife with a career of her own. This is all just a bunch of nonsense. Sit down. You’re embarrassing your gender.

      • Black Boy

        First off as a man I don’t need your partnership I can pay my own bills. I don’t expect my woman to cook for me every night. I actually like cooking for my woman and kids. Yea my woman works but I pay most of the bills, so if I can’t get a hot meal every now then what am I getting out of this?

    • Kay

      Maybe cooking and cleaning was the “traditional wife role” in the 50’s but it’s 2012 and in the words of sweet Brown “ain’t no body got time for dat”.

      • Faith

        Well Kay, things aren’t getting any better. We are going to need to make time as a way to save dollars and health. Everyone in a household should learn how to cook, as things are going to get a whole lot worse before getting better. We could actually stand to learn a few things from generations before ours. They actually knew how to survive tough times.

    • Alma

      might be the words “traditional role” are the problem. Remember we all look at issues; especially personal issues, through our own subjective eyes. Personally, I don’t think you need to date a woman who views male or female relationships as role-centered. To me, true partnership is not 50/50; it’s 60/40, 30/70 on any given day. Look for the woman who is as much willing to give as she is to receive. Look for someone who loves to laugh and make you laugh……..look for the “real.”

  • Kay

    I have to agree with Kayla! I cook, clean, and keep myself together. I don’t do this for a man, I am single and live alone. Honestly, every single woman should cook because you have to feed your damn self and you save money. EVERY woman should keep their house clean because your dirtiness is a reflection of your hygiene! Womanliness is cleanliness! I have a friend who is gorgeous, she keeps her wave together, and always looks good. However, when you step in her house its disgusting. I don’t think you should do things to get a man but ladies, do it for yourself!

  • cocochanel31

    I agree soo much! I always say its not always what you do to a person but how you make them feel! If all it took to get a ring was cooking skills they why are there soooo many single, cooking their behind off sistas!!!??? None of my male friends settled down because their girls cooked,they settled down because they wanted to! Simple as that!

  • NiceNasty

    I mean to each it’s own. And she did say that she didn’t know how to cook, jus that she didn’t want to. So some of ya’ll that’s jus going in on her because you think she’s jus lazy and don’t want to learn how to cook need to back up and reread the article. It really annoys me when people want to jump down your throat because you don’t do what they feel like you should. I mean some men don’t do yard work, or know how to fix a damn thing so they pay someone to do it for them, and that’s totally fine. But a woman who won’t/maybe can’t cook and decide to pay someone for it people get their panties all in a bunch. I mean come on it’s not that serious, and all of the “it’s healtier,” maybe so but not really. Unless your growing your own food 100% then you don’t really know if what your eating is more healtier are not. Cause when you buy it at the store, please believe that it has touch various hands and objects before it made it to you. And to be honest I think sometimes that maybe worst if not one and the same. I mean think about it the people who package the food may have NOT washed they hands or they may cough, sneeze, yawn with out covering their mouth, drop it on the floor, etc. But all of those germs set in the food while it’s being shipped from here to there collecting more germs before it reachs you hands. Now you take it how and no matter how you clean/season it those germs are still there as you eat it, and still make you sick. The point that I’m trying to make it that cooking at home still harm you jus like fast food can. Me personally i think you can eat whatever you want, but it’s all in how much you eat of it, and how much you execrise. Those are the real keys to being healthy, and there are something you jus can’t stop cause it my be in your genes. so I feel like whatever you want to do it’s all up to you. But don’t bash the next person because they don’t share the same outlook on somethings. Jus saying!!!!

  • FromUR2UB

    I’ve found that cooking for a family is more practical, and cheaper, than eating out. Cooking for a single person is probably not as practical because:

    1) it’s difficult to make some dishes in single servings
    2) for those times when you have more than a single serving, you may not feel like eating the same dish over several days until it’s consumed, which means you end up throwing it out. All foods don’t freeze well.

    A roasted whole chicken is both satisfying and economical, because you get a stock that can be frozen and later used to flavor vegetables, rice or noodles, and the leftover chicken makes good sandwiches, soups and salads.

    My biggest concern with eating out are the sodium levels, and if I think about it, the cleanliness of the food. But, I’ve begun to wonder if the money saved by buying and cooking groceries, isn’t spent on your energy bill when you use your stove and oven. I haven’t taken the time to compare my energy costs when I’ve alternated between cooking over a period, and eating out. Most people usually cook or don’t cook based upon what works for them, individually. That shouldn’t be used as some measure for spouse value, though admittedly, I like a man who knows how to cook.

    • Tina

      I agree, after a few days you end up throwing food out when you’re single, if you haven’t eaten it during the week. I’m not sure that I’m saving a lot of money cooking own my own, but I can definitely maintain a better weight when I do. I start BLOWING UP when I eat out often, even with regular exercise, so the extra food thrown out is not much of a loss in comparison to the weight I lose as a result. i just feel and look a lot better health-wise cooking my own meals, because I can use lighter and better quality ingredients that i wouldn’t get out at a restaurant. Things like my hair and skin tone look more radiant and my body looks more “together”. Restaurants mainly only care about the food tasting good as opposed to preserving or improving your health, wellness, and looks. I can actually be creative and experimental cooking, and that makes it interesting for me. So, all in all eating in is a better choice for more than just frugality.

  • I was the same way Wall ST. lifestyle ate out every night in some of the city’s best spots…but I can agree once you get married it changes…I will be married in 15 days to a man who was none of the things on my bucket list…and even now he get home cooked meal Sunday through Thursday…lol… we just had to agree to disagree on few meals because not only did I start cooking but I cook healthy organic meal with my touch of love!

  • L-Boogie

    Good article. Marriage is a motivator.

  • KB8

    So so true! Thank you for this post it’s awesome and motivating!!

  • Candacey Doris

    I on’t feel that I am pressure to be in line with what a wife should be. My parents made sure my brothers and I could cook, clean, balance a checkbook, etc. so we wouldn’t have to rely on anyone else to do so for us. It just so happens that those are all great skills for marriage. The fact is that you should learn to cook because it is easier to maintain a healthy diet when you cook your own food. It’s cheaper than eating out 3 meals a day or simply eating instant foods.

    I don’t believe that i should have to coo for my boyfriend. I love to cook and it’s a possibility on a birthday or a special occasion, but it’s not a regular thing. We’re not married. There’s a lot of other things a boyfriend wouldn’t be getting out of me before we get married. It’s up to each woman to set boundaries so that she can respect herself and not fool herself into thinking that she’s got the next best thing to the ring. If marriage is your goal, you can’t play house with him and hope he’ll get the hint.

  • kami

    I am one of those people who don’t know how to cook, like to cook, the grocery story…. I don’t even want to eat my food. I never had an interest in cooking, and I have been in a long term relationship for I won’t even say how may years ? I know sad. Fortunately I was blessed with a man who is a great cook and don’t mind cooking. What makes it worse is I strive to be the domestic type but cooking is not for me. Over the stove, mixing ingredients, high, medium, or low * head starts to swim*

    However I made it a priority to attempt to make up for it in other ways. I will clean, wash the dishes, and every thing else on the good wife list, but could you please excuse me from cooking. I love my man though and I can say I have been in the kitchen more and more cooking along side of him coughs cutting potatoes & chopping onions, and I cook at least twice a week, and always did prepare the food for him to cook when he get home from work smh ! Remind you things are changing, and I hold everything else down and break bread !

  • FromUR2UB

    Many of today’s men don’t know how to fix anything, so they need to be quiet. When they can repair the plumbing or fix your car or washer and dryer so that you don’t have to pay someone to do it, then they can complain.

  • 1micmcna1

    Alissa, I will have to disagree with you. First off, since when are women pressured to get an iphone for their men? Second off, just because you got married and it changed for you doesn’t mean that it changes for everyone. In fact, let’s be honest the majority of marriages fail or see their hard times because the other person hasn’t changed. How many times have we heard our sistas (I’m a guy by the way) say, “oh he’ll change and stop doing… once we get married.” Do Brothas have to think the same way? Dress for the job you want not the one you got. Here’s my thing, most people today (educated as I am or not) can’t seem to figure out how to do that without compromising who they are. For me, a woman has to cook (or at least be able too) for a few reasons that as a VSB, I have thought out. The main reason is that we form habits early in our lives which we find hard to break later. It’s a health issue for me. Since it has been proven many times in the past decade that cooking at home (even soul food in moderation) is much healthier than any other food option, I’m thinking about my future and future family. I don’t assume you’re black just because you write on this site, but we in the AA community all know that obesity is especially a concern for us in our children because of improper nutrition. And seeing single mothers (which I have no problem with) feeding their kids fast food or dining out the majority of the time is saddening to me. Sure we’re forced to act a certain way to get a certain thing but that is (or should be) all of us, not just women.

    • 1micmcna1

      And PS, yes I can cook. Because I am thinking of the future, I try to cook at least half of my meals a week. The problem is not that you are expected to do these things but that women will forethink (sort of like foreshadow) a relationship and begin to act wifely even with the wrong dude. If you were young and weren’t about trying to get married but just wanted a quick hit or some companionship then say that. Spell out what we should expect from you. I don’t understand why women don’t do this more often. Do you believe we’ll be upset? Men like to know what’s up and what we can get out of you. So if you say, “look I’m not tryin’ to be your main chick girlfriend/ future wife, I’m just looking to have fun then,” that’s not going to alienate most real men. But again, ladies can’t think that just because they are going to change after they get married, that men are going to believe they will change or anticipate it. Sorry if I offended any sistas.

      • Alissa

        You lost me with the iPhone comment. But, yes I’m black. And definitely didn’t want a “quick hit” (my husband and I didn’t have sex until marriage). The article wasn’t about cooking per say, but about women feeling they have to be something they’re not in order to get married. I never intended to like cooking. It just happened. Definitely not saying it will happen that way for everyone. Also, I don’t have any kids and also didn’t mention eating fast food. I agree people should be up front about what they want and I was upfront about not wanting to cook LOL. There are other things a woman can have going for herself other than being Betty Crocker, you know, from a woman’s perspective 🙂

  • T Red

    I promise you wrote this out of my own mind! I couldn’t agree more. Why don’t men have to prove their husband qualities to us? Can you change a tire, fix a pipe, keep the finances together and other stereotypical men things? I don’t believe either sex should have to create a “this is what it would be like if we were married” atmosphere. Many people who do it aren’t being completely genuine so they end up worn out and frustrated when the relationship doesn’t go as planned.

    • anony

      !!!!! OMG!!! thats what I FINALLY been saying for a while now!!

  • chris

    Title threw me for a bit, but good article. I was thinking what does cooking have to do with being a wife? You answered the question.

  • It is so funny reading this because about three days ago a family friend basically explained to me I need to start wearing makeup again learn how to cook something other than pasta dishes and keep my hair done since I’m 27 and apparently getting up in age and need to find a man to marry. He explained to me I need to get my relationship with God right, read the bible, take care of myself, smell nice and know how to keep a house otherwise a man will leave me for a woman who can. Me personally, my mom raised me and I look at the idea of marriage as a partnership. Yes, gender roles do exist but one person can’t help a relationship function properly meaning the brunt of any work shouldn’t fall on any one person. I just felt like all these things I should and anyone should want to do for their own self interest not to attract a man. You can be virtually perfect and a man can still leave you. It doesn’t matter if you can do everything that’s stereo typically expected or not.

    • Ladybug94

      Exactly, and is the man doing all the traditional things he should to get a keep a wife?

      • He’s one of those reformed spiritualists. He also has two baby mothers. I mean I did listen to him as far as hearing him out goes but you can’t as a man tell a woman what to do to attract a man. Especially when your own life isn’t ideal to begin with.

        • Morena

          “Not knit pick you to death” Mzjuels…girl. lol I hear you…I don’t agree with steve either and I met him but never read his books and don’t care too. I’m glad one time I didnt do the usual 90+… actually it was years, lol we finally decided to be together and it was over in 2 minutes. plus he had 2 baby mothers, a wife he “forgot” about and was trying to put me on lockdown…I ran like hell.

    • Morena

      For real!!!! Nothing left to say….

  • Piscesgirl

    I Love this! I swear I could’ve written this myself. I find nothing sadder than a girlfriend trying to pretend to be Betty Crocker to get/keep a man. If you like cooking ok, fine but definitely don’t do it to show what an amazing wife you’ll be. A man will not marry you any quicker, if at all. He’ll go on to “wife” someone who can’t make toast so fast it’ll make your head spin simply bc that’s what he wanted.

    My boyfriends always cooked for me. I never pretended to Barefoot Contessa bc I didn’t want to be fake. Of course, once I got into more serious relationships (now married) I would cook to please my husband but I never thought it defined me as a woman. FYI – My hubby is a better cook and cooks ALL the meals. I’m educated, funny, goal-oriented, God-fearing,etc. cooking is so far at the bottom of the list it barely counts.

    • seesaw

      Educated, funny, goal-oriented, God-fearing,etc but can’t even cook? GTFO.

  • Big Mike

    I don’t care if you make six figures and single – who eats out every day of the week, 3 times a day?! I mean, really?

    Most people learn to cook as soon as they leave home – it might not be the best cooking, but it’s at least the items they like to eat. So when you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, and you decide to stay in, you mean to tell me that you aren’t going to cook enough for two? Nonsense….And I don’t no ONE guy who will kick his woman to the curb because she doesn’t cook. He may complain about it some, but men leave women for FAR greater issues than this. Come on!

    This topic reeks of “woman cooking = submissive” and that’s just not true.

    • Alissa

      Who said they eat out three times a day? A bowl of cereal for breakfast isn’t cooking…is it? Lol

  • I wonder… are you the same type of woman who expect men to do things in a relationship because you know….”he’s a man, that’s what men are supposed to do”…….. If you refuse to follow basic gender roles… do you expect your man too? Just wondering….and learning how to cook isn’t just for getting a man…. it’s a basic skill a person should have when they live alone… Take-out is expensive….

    • Big Mike

      Get’em, Kay.

    • Rayjulian85

      I agree completely

    • Mrsadkiah

      Nope. I’m not that type of woman at all. Gender roles aren’t implicit, inherent things, they were created by society and people are afraid to step out of them or just have simply grown up to think that way. I don’t expect my boyfriend to do anything simply because he’s a man. I definitely agree with your last statements.

      • Ok good. I was just wondering… Because you know there are type of woman out there that are like that

      • IWantMyAnimeBack

        This may be 3 years later but you know that’s a lie. I’m sure your boyfriend or whoever you have dated in the past always paid for the first date.

        What if your boyfriend said I’m no longer going to pay for dates, take you out to nice dinners, forget valentine’s day, forget mother’s day, forget christmas etc.

        Yeah I doubt you don’t expect him to spend his time and money on those dates and anything else.

  • Pivyque

    Well, I like to cook. I grew up with my Grandma always telling me to get out of her kitchen lol So once I got my own, I was excited and I still am. I just love food and I love for people to enjoy my food. When I was young, I cooked for my family. Now that I have my own, I cook for them. My Grandma hated cooking lol She said the only reason she cooked was so that she and my granddad didn’t starve…she may have hated it but it didn’t show in the food! Men and women just need to be themselves and focus on bettering themselves. The right person will make their way to them.

  • JazGirl

    I totally agree with the author. I think many women keep believing this crazy lie society shares about relationships. Does one man speak for all? The needs of one man differs from the next; same goes for women. Be content with who you are!!! Trust and wait on God to bring the person that NEEDS exactly what you have to give. Every man doesn’t need a personal chef as every women doesn’t need a walking bank.

    • Mrsadkiah

      Many women believe it because they are being told it. A girl I follow on Twitter just went on a rant the other day about these “Bitch*s being dumb” and not knowing how to cook. Asking questions like “So you gone make your man peanut butter and jelly all the time”. I was like why can’t he learn how to cook?! I love cooking. I’ve been cooking for my family since I was 9 or 10 and I love cooking for the people I love, that includes my boyfriend. My boyfriend knows, though, that I do not feel obligated to “cook for my man” now and I wont when if we get married. Luckily he likes learning new things and has become quite a good chef himself so he doesn’t expect or want me to do all of the cooking. It’s 2012. Not 1950. Miss me with that mess.

  • NikkitaMichelle

    I cook. I’m from an old school southern family that believed in cooking because it saves a large family money. Unless cooking is your passion I don’t know any women who get excited about cooking. But with all these women out here having laundry lists of what they want in a man, they need to definitely add cooking to their resume. Stop looking for a dime man when you’re only a nickel. I’m not saying that’s a deal breaker to brothers, but its such a small thing why not learn?

  • bluekissess

    I agree with the writer of this article. I think women have to meet so many requirements to please people. It can be exhausting.

    Do I cook? Yes, but I still have the luxury of eating my moms good food. Do I enjoy cooking? No, especially when it’s for a group of people who have different tastes in food. I don’t wanna feel like a failure.

    I won’t take this seriously once men know how to build a bird house, use a lawn mower, change the oil, change a tire, build a book shelf and use a hammer and a nail.

    Once they pick up a hammer I’ll pick up a cookbook; until then I will enjoy cooking my tacos, spaghetti, bake chicken, bake fish and all the other foods that aren’t southern.

    • anony

      !!!! LMBO!!!!! Go head now “bluekissess”!! I CO-SIGN!

  • Don’t women expect the same thing from a man they expect that the guy priorities change when he is being considered husband material.

  • Treacle234

    Everyone who says they don’t like cooking or don’t cook should really spend two years working in the food-service industry. You for sure would have the desire to learn to cook. Having to constantly buy food is ridiculous, eating those frozen dinners more than twice a week is sad. I’m sorry but as long as you could read you can cook.

    • bluekissess

      I like cooking but it doesn’t give me the shivers. Sometimes I honestly think something is wrong with me because I don’t get excited.

    • Hawaiian Breeze

      My first and second job were both in food service and I still don’t like to cook.

  • sabrina

    Alissa Henry, I love you for this.
    I always said that once I get married, I would put more effort into cooking and cooking well. Until then, y’all could miss me with that. Yes, I don’t cook. But if that’s going to be the determining factor of whether a guy wants to date me or not, I’m perfectly fine with him going thaaat way –>

    • sweettea

      I couldn’t agree more. I could cook but refused to cook regular meals for a damn boyfriend back before I got married. I’m not your wife or your mom so if I don’t feel like it I’m not doing it. As a wife and mother today I don’t mind cooking and cleaning for my family.

      • NiceNasty

        Yess, now I know for sure that something is not wrong with me. Lol!!!! Cause my grandmother, mother, and all of my aunts are on this ” if you don’t cook you’ll be single forever,” mess and it kills me. We go at it for hours over that, cause I tell them that jus because you know how to cook does not mean you are going to get married before the ones who can’t. Hello some men are okay with that, even after marriage. But don’t get me wrong when I get married yea I’ll cook and clean on a regular, but if we’re jus dating sorry but you better call your mama for a home cooked meal!!! LoL, and what if the man can cook and prefers doing it? Then that’s even better.

        • Real Talk

          well this is the point i have from a man’s point of view. if you don’t cook for me before the marriage then i can’t expect for you to cook for me after the wedding. you can not tell a man you are not going to cook for him cause you are not his wife, but you want him to be faithful to you like you are his wife. You can’t have it both ways.. if you don’t give head before i marry you. i can’t get mad that you don’t do it after we get married. All this tells a man is that he really does not need you. If i can cook for myself, clean for myself, pay my own bills, and stand on my own two feet like a “real man” should then i don’t need a partner. I JUST NEED SOME AZZ. and that is from a man’s point of view

          • Alissa

            Umm….Is love still an option??? Lol.

          • tayrat

            OMG!!!!!!! I Quote:” You can not tell a man u are not going to cook 4 him cause u are noy his wife,but you want to be faithful to you like u are his wife…” Are you f******* kidding me….!!!!!!??????
            Faithfulness is a must in any relationship,and it´s not conditioned to anything.
            If my boyfriend is a cheater because i don´t know to cook….to hell with him.!!!!!

          • yellaladybug

            oh, i see…so you basically want a servant-slash-slave. GTFOH
            I can’t stand basic-a$$ men like this primate example.

    • greatguy999

      Please don’t make that mistake. Guys want to see the comparative advantage of marriage before they decide to jump in. What is wrong in letting the guys know that the reason you don’t cook these days is because cooking for one is not fun, but that you really have no problem with cooking?
      On the other hand, what will you think of a guy who works on 2 days a week and spends the rest of his week having fun? Meanwhile, he plans to work more when he has more responsibilities, but refuses to tell his potential dates that.