Real Love: Weird Signs Of A Good Relationship

April 8, 2012  |  
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If you’re used to toxic, passionate, roller coaster relationships, and then you stumble into a good relationship, you might ask about the following dynamics, “Is this normal?”

Here are a few signs to confirm your love is really genuine …

You don’t mind yelling

Have you ever been in a relationship in which you were silent? You never got mad at the guy because…you couldn’t. There wasn’t enough room in the relationship for two hot heads–and he got to fill that role. If you find yourself complaining to your current man, stop and think about this: you’re comfortable speaking up to him. You’re not afraid it will end the relationship or culminate in a blowup. It’s no fun to be mad, but it’s good to feel you are allowed to be so.

You don’t miss him

You go on about your day, you go to work, you have dinner with friends and then you realize, “Oh yeah, I wonder how my man’s doing…” This doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t feel strongly for him. Think about this: have you been in relationships that were so tumultuous that you could barely focus on anything else? If you can live your life and put your man out of your mind sometimes, that means your relationship is not destructive for your life—as many can be.

You forget your own breakdowns

You get totally emotional one night. You cry hysterically for…a silly reason. You’re drunk. You got overemotional about something. You became irrational. You fell asleep. And then, the next day, you forgot it happened. That’s because you’re with a man who accepts you for who you are—he doesn’t freak out because you, well, freak out. He doesn’t make you feel silly for acting silly sometimes. Surely you’ve been with men who you felt humiliated for having a meltdown in front of, humiliated for days. It shouldn’t be that way.

You don’t need sex

If you’re happy to go a few days without sex, that doesn’t mean there’s no passion. Think about other relationships in which, if there was no sex for a few days, you became irritable, frustrated, and felt distant from your man. If that was the case, your relationship was more about sex than anything else. So, if you can go a few days without sex and you’re perfectly happy, and still want to be around your man, then there is something deeper than the physical there.

You’re silent a lot

With some men, if you don’t talk much, you start to get nervous and feel you are drifting apart—that there is no substance to your relationship. But, if you can be silent with your man for even hours, without getting nervous, that means you have a connection that remains even in silence.

Your failures don’t bother you

Have you noticed that, if you got in trouble at work, or didn’t get a project you wanted to be assigned to, you’re not upset by it? If that’s the case, then you’re seriously in love. When you experience real love, you realize how important it is—that it’s more important than most other things. You’re so in love that, time is going by too fast. You don’t want to waste it on being upset over things that won’t matter at the end of your life.

You talk about exes

If you can talk extensively about exes, without anyone feeling uncomfortable or jealous, that means you both feel completely secure in the fact that the other person wants you—just you.

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  • Chepi

    Several items on this list were ridiculous. Several hours of silence is not normal unless you are sleeping, watching a movie, or just gazing at each other while relaxing. But who does this for hours? Failing to get upset when something goes awry at work just means you have stable mental health. A good love life does wonders for your mental health, but a work failure is not going to disappear from immediate thought because you automatically switch to thinking about your love. “You don’t miss him”? I get the opposite view where you are in a crazy relationship and you cannot focus on anything else. But I do not agree that being a great relationship means that you don’t miss him; perhaps that was just a creative subheading, but it was a poor choice of words. Thoughts of your love should populate your thoughts throughout the time you aren’t together. Not to the point of disregarding everything else, but I would say a smile crosses my face just thinking about my love at least for a minute every couple of hours each day (on the good and bad days). The other items seemed to be on point.

  • ijs

    I love my bf and my relationship is great but my failures are my failures and at first I’m really angry about them. What make my relationship real is I can talk about these moments with him without feeling judged or anything and he give helpful in put or he just listen as i vent.

  • Liz

    This article is so inane. I don’t need every article in a magazine to be written by a degree-holding or college educated person, but none of these points have any actual foundation to back up what they’re supposed to be proving — that you’re in a good relationship. “You yell, you’re silent, you don’t need sex”? Seriously? Not sure signs that the relationship won’t work out but certainly not green lights that you’re a match made in Heaven. “You forget your breakdowns, your failures don’t bother you, you don’t miss him.” All can be chalked up to self confidence, apathy, alcoholism and/or a mental disorder; none are “signs” that you’re in a good relationship. Can they be constrewed to mean as much? Sure. But, is that the first line of reasoning one whould jump to when hearing all those points? Absolutely not. Nice try, Madame Noire.

    • Krystal

      Why are you over analyzing this article so much???? This website is obviously not a marriage counseling service. I think you’re insane for feeling the need to be so deep about it Lol She never said it was backed up by science so chilax..Your relationship sucks because you are so negative..

      • TheBigKing1

        Lol. Exactly.

  • Funderburk2003

    Soooo me, for the most part. I feel validated. Great advice

  • Anon

    One of the items on this list contradicts another list I just read that MN put up. I just finished reading 6 Signs That The Passion Is Gone and on there, you had “You don’t miss him,” and singled out your thought process on “oh, i haven’t talked to my man in awhile…” as a sign when something’s wrong……but I come read this list and “You don’t miss him” is on there as well…so which is it?

    • DeeJ

      I think there’s an unsaid distinction that probably should have been said. When you don’t miss him in the negative it’s that even when you finally think about him you just don’t care to wonder about him or only think about bad things. In the positive sense, you don’t miss him because you’re busy living your own life apart from him but when you do think about him you’re curious about what and how he’s doing and you actually want to be in his company. I actually think this was a good article, I definitely learned something especially in regards to the sex one.

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    I love this article. #7 was my favorite. 😉

  • Huggs2012

    get an ad blocker. I  still have to press next for the next page but I am not getting all the ads in my browser. Firefox has one and so does IE

    • BlackDiamond

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    • ebonyhud

       Thanks for the advice. It worked! ha!

  • Beejezus

    There’s more info and topics for other websites in the layout than it is for  your own.There is too much going on and enough content in exchange for it.There’s video’s popping up on one side,commercial playing on the other,an advertisement over the article picture and four more advertisements under it.I understand advertising,it’s the placement of it that bothers me.

    • Beejezus

      **not enough

  • vlove

    I agree.. Sometimes the topics are good but this advertisement is getting worse.. Smh

  • Beejezus

    I agree @Good advice the layout is repulsive and distracting.A lot of the times I have music playing,either stored on my computer or from another website opened on another tab,so when I come to this website their videos come on on top on of my music which quite honestly is very annoying.And I hate that the videos automatically play every time you go to a new page.So in order to fully read this article I will have to watch that commercial playing on the side 9 times!No thank you.

  • Good Advice

    I like reading articles on Madame Noire but I am sick and tired of the page layout.  Understanding that you need the ad revenue this is ridiculous.  The ham-handed placement of ads – forced audio video, and having to ‘hunt’ for the actual content that you are looking to read is a huge turn off. Note to the editors of MadameNoire – take some notes from the A-List media outlets. You can still generate ad revenue without driving away your subscribers.

    • Lollooo

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      • Mike

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    • Mocha_687

       I agree. There are plenty of websites that have ads that mute automatically. Can’t MN do that?

    • Mal

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    • mike

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