Love Without A Limit: Why Women Stay In Bad Relationships

March 24, 2012  |  
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Why doesn’t she just leave him?? We’ve all wondered this about a friend at some point. Perhaps our friends have wondered it about us.  But, a woman’s mind can be a complicated thing. And her apprehensions and thoughts about what life will be like without this man can feel as large and as real as an actual wall keeping her from exiting the relationship.

Here’s why we often stay in bad relationships…

He made you feel special

He’s made you feel lucky that anyone is even with you. He constantly criticizes you, but then he rounds that off with some comment like, “It’s okay. I forgive you, because I am understanding. Not every man would be.” So you get in the mentality that you’re seriously flawed, and lucky to have found the one man who accepts those flaws.

You believe  “this is as good as it gets”

You don’t want to take your chances. No, there’s no passion left, no excitement, no love, and perhaps a little abuse. But, at this point, you’ve put in so much time, you don’t want to risk not finding someone new. You figure you may as well stay with the guy who at least knows what you like on your pizza. You don’t realize that it would be better to be alone, than with the wrong guy.

You don’t realize how bad it is

Sometimes you just don’t realize that what’s happening in your relationship is not okay because you haven’t run it past your friends and gotten the gasps and dropped jaws they would inevitably give you if they knew the truth about your relationship. That’s why you should keep your close friends up to date on details of your relationship. Let them be your eyes when you’re blinded by love (or fear).

You gave up your life

You’ve blown off your friends since getting with this guy. You completely stopped writing on your blog, building your business, or doing whatever you were making progress in before meeting him. You have nothing to return to. You feel like you’ve built yourself a prison in this relationship and there is nowhere else for you to go. Guess what? It will be scary as hell to leave your man and have nothing, have to re-make all your friends and start from zero. But it will be scarier to wake up one morning and realize you spent your life with the wrong man.

He’ll die without you

Or he says he will. Some women like to be the savior type and they get with a guy who is an addict, an alcoholic, a depressive–you name it–and they want to fix him. Of course, these types need professional help and the burden always gets too heavy to carry for the woman. But, if she even suggests leaving, he starts drinking again. Or using. Or even threatens to kill himself…Somber and scary note to women in this situation: this man is not your responsibility. Alert his family of his threats, and his therapist if he has one. But know that, no matter what happens when you leave, it was not your fault. He has been looking his whole life for reasons to mess up and hurt himself. If you weren’t the reason, it would have been something else.

You don’t know what else is out there

Sometimes it’s as simple as he’s the only man you’ve ever seriously been with. You got with him in college, and you don’t realize it does get better. You think that dating a man who plans a date with you maybe once a month is normal. You think the fact that you never talk about anything that personal is normal. You think the fact that he only likes two sexual positions is normal. But trust me, if you just got one taste of the dating world, you’d never go back to that deadbeat boyfriend who never grew up–and it was because you didn’t ask him to.

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  • Mark

    You forgot the sex was good.

  • IheartMe

    I was a long time, 10 years to be exact, in a bad relationship. Incompatable, adultery, abuse, substance abuse. Just downright heartbraking. This past february I decided it was time for me to move on. After I settled in my new place I was searching for articles and blogs on the internet regarding tips on how woman could cope with a breakup. I came across an article about co-dependency. That’s when everything fell in to place. It has allot to do with being raised in a dysfuntional family/environment. Not knowing how to love yourself. Looking for that other person to give you what you want for yourself. It made me ponder how many woman stay because of co-dependency. After analyzing the relationships of the women in my life, I came to conclusion that those that did get into worthless relationships/flings/affairs all had some type of “dysfunctionality” in their youth/teenage years. I think is something women should look into.

  • mysterykills…

    When you dont know or understand your self worth, a lot of this stuff can happen. Its about ultimately truly loving yourself and then you can clearly see the OBVIOUS, but like is said love is blind and for some, almost a drug habit. They cant kick it or shake it.

  • Mls2698

    Ever notice that women are quick to stay in bad relationships, but men will lower the life raft and jump ship with only one oar, regardless of the stakes? A man who sticks around for a woman to cheat on him is a real dish rag who is worse off than a show dog whose testicles didn’t descend. So, ladies, you all should grow a pair, too!


    A lot of lonely women out there longing for intimacy. Better to have a man no matter how sorry he is than to have no man at all ’nuff said.

  • FromUR2UB

    So beaten down, would be the short answer.  Especially for number one.   I wish someone would tell me, “I forgive you.  No one else would”.  Shut up.  It’s usually ugly, loser guys that other women don’t want, who are mean like that to their women.

  • When is it bad?

    Other than abuse…what constitutes a bad relationship?? I’m guessing a bad relationship is one that includes abuse and a lack of communication. You said sometimes women stay in bad relationships because they don’t know how bad it is. How do they know when it has gone sour and no hope is left for saving the relationship? 

  • Umm…,

    I can’t believe someone put this foolishness out

  • Pingback: Pimpology for Women: Dating Advice, Relationship Solutions()

  • The biggest shortage of all is the shortage of common sense.

  • GM_I

    Why do women stay in bad relationships??? Becuz they’re stupid, plain & simple!!!…the real question should be why do women want complicated answers to simple questions they already know the answer to??? or why the h3ll should anybody care why women stay in bad relationships when no matter what is said, done or warnings she is given beforehand, they continue to go into them & make them the relationships that last the longest…here’s another answer/truth that is hard for majority of the female population & some of the male population to figure out: a lot of women enjoy being treated like crap by guys & it turns them on or they feel they deserve to be treated as such becuz they have low self esteem (which majority of attractive women have, the more attractive a woman is, the lower her self esteem will be becuz hot chicks are harder on themselves than ugly ones)…its politically incorrect to say but thats the harsh reality of it, no matter how many women want to or try to deny it, its true…their own actions speak a lot louder than the words they use to deny it; its not a coincidence most womens 1st husbands or most boyfriends they constantly complain about were jerks (its becuz thats who they choose to date)…its what women gravitate towards, find attractive, appealing & contributes to their desire to change men and turn bad boys into their own personal make-over project (so women dont date/choose nice guys cuz how can u change a good guy into a good guy if he’s already good to begin with).

  • IllyPhilly

    Why do we keep talking about these same damn subjects? After awhile it’s like beating a dead horse. If her Black/white/Spanish/Asian or other butt likes the stress, we can’t do anything about them. Let’s worry about these little girls out here who still have a chance.

  • Acceptance of negative behavior is dangerous.

  • Tallchiick

    Some women simply stay b/c they would rather be in a “relationship” than be alone and single…Another reason is that they dont wanna see their man move on with another woman.