8 Big Mistakes Baby Mothers Often Make

February 8th, 2012 - By LaShaun Williams

This post only applies to single mothers who were never married and find themselves on an emotional rollercoaster with the father of their child or children. It is intended to be the swift kick in the behind your family and friends have been trying to give you for the better for months—maybe even years.

Most women do not plan or desire to hold the baby-mama title. But, with a 73 percent out-of-wedlock birthrate, nearly three-fourths of black mothers fit the mold. That makes the handling of “baby-daddies” a real issue in our community. Sex is generally an emotional act for women and those emotions are often magnified during pregnancy and continue into motherhood. And what is a hormonally complicated time becomes more emotionally complex when the situation gets real—he’s with other women, he’s too busy to visit more than a few times a month, he’s maybe even hoping you might go for an abortion–the list goes on.

Angry, confused, desperate—some single mothers entertain foolishness that only ends up eating away at their self-worth and esteem in the end.

So to save yourself (or a friend) from further heartache and/or catching a case, here are eight of the biggest mistakes to avoid:

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  • CHazaq

    Oh and for the OOW statements. A woman can be left with a child while married just like she could unmarried so plz, stop the bull. Ya’ll act like marriage is a lock and chain that prevent a guy from leaving.
    And I know what replies this’ll get. Oh well if you’re married it’s less likely for a guy to just up and leave. And with people getting married after knowing one another for weeks or months it’s not that big of a difference!

  • Chazaq

    I just want to comment as a single parent mother. I was with my son’s father for 7 years. Many times he asked me to marry him. He was constantly around and spent a lot of money on gifts for me. Eventually, the last year we were together, I had his child. He changed completely and quickly. He even gave me a black eye for the first time ever. He had to be removed by the cops and given an order of protection.

    So for all the people who are passing judgement saying, oh if such and such stop sleeping around or
    “if the D*** is good that doesn’t make him a good father” and all the other relating statement. Thing aren’t always black or white. the situation may not be, “oh he was a dead beat before you had his child so why have his child” I can not explain what changed in my son’s father but It’s not fair to blame be or any other woman for the situation we’re in because it may not be our fault. Life is just F-ed up sometimes.

  • MixedUpInVegas

    It does not serve the discussion to be angry at being noticed for behavior that is socially negative.  To raise the issue that “other people do it too” in no way absolves those guilty of the conduct of their responsibility for contributing to the problem.  So what if “others” do it too?  It is still a social ill that should be recognized and addressed.  Should we, as a people, be content that we are “no worse” than others?  How does that address the social pathologies that beset our community?

    To recognize that certain behavior patterns are socially unhelpful to a group is not necessarily judgmental; it is, instead, a recognition of the truth.  It seems that whenever we have to face a hard truth about ourselves, we look for deflections from the matter at hand: “Others” do it too; Who are you to judge?; My family engaged in this behavior and we are not in prison; You think you’re better . . . et cetera.

    All of this begs the question.  The issue is, this is a problem.  The excuses are not an answer to the issue.

  • smh_at_thefoolishness

    The biggest mistakes ‘baby mothers’ make is allowing themselves to be called a ‘baby mother’! You may be the single never-married mother of a child, but  you may also be the CEO of a corporation, a stay-at-home full-time hands-on, nurturing mother or a nine-five breadwinner. ‘Baby mother’ is akin to calling someone a brood mare. If you are single, never married with a child, do not allow society, your ex, your mama or even Madame Noire (who really should know better) define you soley by the fact you gave birth even if its multiple times…Accepting such a limiting title will lead to limiting self expectations about who you are and what your life can look like. And for all you people getting on your high horses about the whys and wherefores of these pregnancies …get over yourselves!  There are many women out there left high and dry who were married or in long-term relationships. Two lines on a blue stick have been known to  turn Mr Wonderful Husband into Deadbeat Dad overnight.And it isn’t just a ‘black’ issue…why do we always have to perpetuate the stereotype? Trifling people come in all colours…

    • Idiot

      Very few men willing to make the lifetime commitment of marriage will run because their wife became pregnant.  Instead of being upset at being called a “baby mama,” why don’t you avoid becoming one.  So many of you women are as immature as Lebron James.  You do dumb things then have the nerve to be angry when someone calls you out.

  • Mzjtucker

    Reading all these comments….I see im not the only one who think we have a serious problem in the Black community.  Yes we do need to practice birth control and be more responsible picking fathers for our children.  But hell if a chick wanna be on welfare forever and ride the bus to the projects wit her 8 kids by 10 different daddys so be it.  Ima make sure MY kids know better so they can do better..IJS

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