8 Signs The Guy You’re Messing With Is NOT a Grown A** Man

January 26, 2012  |  
1 of 9

Sure, you can’t really define what a grown a** man is in plain, black and white terms. However, I’m sure we can all agree that it’s pretty easy to point out the traits that prove a man’s overall maturity level is on the low low. We hear brothas say it often: “What!? I’m a grown a** man!” But you don’t just talk the talk, you have to walk it. But before someone gets their briefs all tied up in a knot, as usual, this list only pertains to some men, not all. So with that (and with all due respect), let’s get this thing started.

PS, there will be one for women coming soon too, so don’t get too comfortable.

He’s Spending the Little Money He Has on Junk

After a certain age, we should all be making more strides to save and only splurge every once and a while. But when your new man can’t afford to do things with you or to even cover all his bills for that matter because he likes to invest in game systems, $100 plus dollar Jordans and gadgets that make no sense…you’re in trouble, girl. Popping bottles in the club but can’t help put groceries on the table…mess. Don’t let him come around you asking for gas money when he spent his last dime on that new “Gears of War” game. Be sure to ask him if those folks are paying him for his dedication. And don’t you dare stand in a Black Friday-esque line with him thirsty for a new flat screen TV when he barely has furniture in his place. C’mon son!

He Likes to Be Nasty for No Reason

And we’re not talking about the good kind of nasty. I’m talking…(takes deep breath): hawking loogies while you all are walking around together (DUMP HIM if he spits indoors); not cleaning out the sink well when he’s left all toothpaste around the basin; NOT pulling the seat up to urinate and then leaving urine on your seat, lid or floor; doing number two and not flushing enough to get his stains from around the bowl; digging in his ear and coming out with treasure right in front of you–and the list goes on an on. Trust, we all do nasty mess, some of it is natural, other things can be hidden. However, control and concealment is key. If you all aren’t married then a man should not be sooooo comfortable around you like that.

PS, if you use the bathroom, don’t wash your hands afterwards and immediately reach for community chips, grapes, candy–whatever, this one’s for you.

He Doesn’t Have Any Real Goals for the Future

So you asked him what he wants to do with his life and he said the three letter word that hurts the heart of everyone who hears it: rap. NOOOOOOO! Let’s be clear, that should be a side hustle or hobby, but what is it he really wants to accomplish in the future? Women don’t like to run around with unstable men who don’t seem to be committed to one thing or don’t seem to know where they’re headed, but they want you to go too–maybe. If you ask him the question again and he says he’s still not sure or hasn’t really thought about it, just be sure to take yourself out of those “to come” future plans.

He Loves to Blame Other People for Everything

So your man sounds like Shaggy because all he ever says is: “It wasn’t me.” It wasn’t his fault, everybody else is crazy, it’s his baby mother who got him in the situation he’s in now, blah blah blah. Part of being an adult is knowing when to take responsibility for the part you play in things, as opposed to keeping your finger well groomed and moisturized so you can point it in the direction of someone else. If everyone else seems to be the problem–the dude he fought at the club, his co-worker, his ex, his mother–then it might just be that he’s in denial of the fact that he could be the real problem.

He’s Not As Involved With His Kids As He Should Be

Nothing hurts my soul more than a man who knows he isn’t doing enough for his children but seems to be okay with that. Using angry exes as excuses as to why he doesn’t go around to see his son or claiming you can’t afford to put out that child support because you just don’t have it (but there go those Xbox games!) is played out. A man who knows he’s not doing right by his kids and lets it be is probably someone you don’t want to start having kids with yourself, let alone deal with for a long time. If he can’t stand by his own offspring, can you really count on him to ride for you like that? Do you even want him to?

He’s Always Asking for Something or Using Your Stuff

This guy is on that Baby Boy type of thing. He’s trying to borrow your car, your money, your phone and eat all your damn food, but of course, he doesn’t have very much to bring to the table like he should. Say something about it and you’re given the “She’s so selfish and always nagging” face. No woman minds sharing something with a man she cares about, but when he’s low-key trying to act like he owns something without contributing anything, then it’s clear he’s got the game all messed up. At least wash a dish…and not just the one plate and fork you used!

He Constantly Talks About or Does Inappropriate Mess in Public

Anything that’s focused on moving bowel moments, your sexual encounter last night, degrading someone or anything that you wouldn’t want moms to know about or hear? That’s what I’m talking about. Using expletives incessantly, especially when you’re not talking about something that evokes anger is also not the biggest sign of maturity. I mean, what the ****, do better! (*wink*) And please don’t grab a handful, pass gas and not say anything (so someone can walk past and inhale your silent bomb) or burp out loud obnoxiously like the home training bus passed you by.

He Spends Too Much Time Doing Random Things

Back to the video games…If you know he’s not working at the moment, but spends more time sitting on the couch playing video games as opposed to looking for new employment, he might need to hit the road. And if he’s always coming in the house high as a kite because that seems to be his only hobby with his boys, it’s safe to say that ‘ol boy is NOT grown. A smoke here and there can be tolerated, but if he’s play auditioning for a role in How High 2, that just won’t fly…

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  • Diva

    I am so happy my fiance isn’t anything like the men described in this article. And they ARE out there because I’m related to some of them and my sister dated a few (and YES this article applies to women too). I think that smoking weed and playing video games in moderation are fine, but I think the point that people are missing is that the author is describing people who do them in EXCESS- to the point that you are not working or can’t keep a job because that is ALL you are doing with your time.

  • wontruth

    this is only my second time on this site but it seems to me that the majority of these headlines are about judgement and separation-even though these are often funny/entertaining I would like to see more articles on togetherness-US black people need as much of that as we can get

  • Kram

    I’ve been holding my tongue (er.. fingers?) ALOT these last couple of hours BUT REALLY, come on, your last point about “how high 2” was arbitrary and a cheap shot at recreational smokers. You already MADE your arugment on the matter with the “employment” scenario. You could have EASILY used alcohol as a much more virulent and potent message. Warped world view much? Checkout counter tabloid journalism. Please keep up the good work, in promoting (what should be) dead archetypes and stereotypes about gender, age and race.

    • Erica

      No it’s not. If all you do is smoke weed all day, you don’t have a job OR an education, OR a plan for your life then you need to get it together. There’s a difference between recreational use and being a functional, contributing member of society and being a straight up lazy pot head.

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  • Let’s call extreme video gaming what it is. It’s become addictive to those guys and gals who spend too much time playing them. No different than drugs and alcohol addiction. Get help!

  • Unfortunately the world is full of these type nitwits! Now let’s get a run down on the gals.

  • Im glad my wife didnt dump me 7 years ago for spitting outdoors lol 

  • Im glad my wife didnt dump me 7 years ago for spitting outdoors lol 

  • Marksmen99

    I think these are signs you are dating a black man…

  • Gharseeya21

    Chris Tucker pic! *dead* lol

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  • Little Miss Sunshine

    Dear IndigoBlack,

    You’re a terrible writer. My boyfriend and I almost hemorrhaged trying to figure out some of your phrases. Learn English, this is America. 

    Also, leave the video games alone. If you can’t keep your man away from them, it’s not the games that are the problem, it’s you. 

  • Yvette White42

    old man can m’arry a young girl, a black wealthy beautiful stays with an common
    American, even a rat can fall in love with a cat, so every bottle has its
    suitable lid, I am Candyee, a young beauty, 30 years old. Once, I a feel Life
    so lonely. I am rich but still s’ingle, later on, I am on ( == BlackWhitePlanet– c 0
    /m.СòM ==), met many good
    guys and beauties, they also want to find true love. Now I have found my l’ove
    , so I recommend it to you, I hope everyone can find their best

  • Lihgg42

    Support our heroes who
    serving our nation. Support our troops that safeguard our safety. A good place
    tailor-made for personnel in unifor:militaryloves*c’o’m.   It brings together those working in
    professions such as the armed forces, police, navy, security, medical,
    ambulance, prison, air crew and fire fighters, for friendship, love, romance,
    marriage and even more.

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  • Nita

    Ummm lord have mercy I know a few men and women like this and its not cute

  • Npsm18

    About the video game subject: My fiancée is a huge gamer and guess what? I am too, so it works out lol 🙂 Its one of the many things we can do together. If your SO played video games try it out..you might not like shooting things but there are other genres too. Btw we do both work full time and have a social life..just sayin’

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  • hearyoume

    These are common sense for me only because my father and my brothers do the exact opposite of all these things as adults…it’s almost foreign for me to even fathom messing with someone that would act in any of these ways….maybe I was in high school or college but now…

    It shows how extremely important it is for women to see men around them being RESPONSIBLE MEN and human beings…it sets the foundation for what you expect from men…

  • Ericasmi36

    Support our heroes who
    serving our nation. Support our troops that safeguard our safety. A good place
    tailor-made for personnel in uniform:uniformedkiss*C0*M. It brings together those working in professions
    such as the armed forces, police, navy, security, medical, ambulance, prison,
    air crew and fire fighters, for friendship, love, romance, marriage and even

  • MixedUpInVegas

    Sorry, but I don’t see this as making fun of loser men.  It is more of a cautionary list–and a good one too, I might add.  Been there, done that once in my naive youth.  The dude was fine and he had extraordinary . . uh . . “skills.”  When I finally came to my senses and realized he was laying up in my house, watching my cable, eating my food and running up my light bill while I was out working, I put him out. 

  • James

    She right on time… I hope my Brothers look at this post, brcause it would give them something to think about as well as letting them see themselves… It’s time for our African American Black Men to stepup their game and become more knowledgeable to who they are and what they represent to the younger people as well as the older adults too… I really believe that The American Society has destroyed the Cultural Mind of most of our Young African Black American Brother, because their living with a Slave Mentality Mind and are afraid to respect themselves or anyone that looks like them… Internalize Racism!!!

  • Ifuaskme2


    • James

      I think that’s what making our young men do uncaring, because we’er always making fun of them instead of telling them that they need to grow up and start be responsible young men!!!

  • Gumby

    Where does his money come from???

  • guest

    You could have dug a little deeper with this list.

  • Precious

    Who wrote this? No respect honey, you should not be giving out advice! Stop it!!!!

  • Abe Froman

    Sounds like another one of those, “that thing is more important than me” complaints from women.

    Some women need a hobby…

  • ManUp

    So this is an article blasting any guy that plays video games?   At least video games are interactive unlike watching tv.  It’s ok to mention it once but 3 or 4 times, we get the picture.  Yes I play games once or twice a week as a hobby and still handle my business, take care of my kid and other goals.  But its’ articles like this that make women’s noses turn up when you mention that you play video games, get over.   Most of the guys who played games growing up are now making over 100k and staying out of jail, so just keep that in mind.

  • Blessed

    Even  WHEN  your  married,  dang,  be  a  gentlemen!  You  want  to  keep  your  woman!  That  nasty  mess  gets  old  REAL  quick…how  about  a  man  who  will  blow  his  nose  in  his  hand……WITHOUT  the  tissue  being  present.  :-((((((((((((((((((((( 

  • parasitic behaviour should disqualify a person from a relationship – regardless of gender. yet strangely, childishness is often encouraged as it is rewarded by affection and is embedded in ‘love speak’.
    ***turns to gf***

    me: ‘ain’t that right baby?’

    her: “yes daddy.’  

    • Thank you for this artcile.I met a guy that exhibits almost all chracteristics. I let him go…

  • Kris50

    If he doesn’t have a car, that’s all that needs to be said. That should be a given. But this does go both ways. I wouldn’t expect a man to chauffeur me around, I’m not gonna do it for him either. If a grown man spits in the house….I got nothin. Or even on the sidewalk in front of you, he’s got bigger issues than finding a woman. He needs life help.

  • Still don’t understand some chicks beef with video games it’s a freaking hobby, get the he!! over it lol

    • Kris50

      It’s not a problem if its a hobby, and just a hobby. It’s a problem if she’s bending over in front of you, naked, and you tell her to move cause she’s blocking madden…that’s when its a problem. A HUGE problem.

      • That’s true ain’t enough video games in the world for me to choose over getting some lol

    • Blessed

      My  husband  is  a  “gamer”  but  he’s  found  avenues  to  make  money  doing  it.  I  don’t  think  it’s  the  gaming  in  itself  that  bothers  a  woman,  it  is  the  immense  amount  of  time  that  gamers  sometimes  put  into  their  hobby.  When  you  are  trying  to  build  a  relationship (dating)  or  keep  a  relationship  going  and  healthy (marriage)  all  of  your  time  cannot  be  exhausted  over  video  games.  Gaming,  can  be  a  real  selfish  hobby.  I  have  had  my  beef  with  my  spouse  in  the  past  about  too  much time  being  spent  on  his  gaming  and  away  from  myself  and  our  child.  There  is  a  good  to  many  things…….with  MODERATION. 
      God  Bless,

      • hearyoume

        Yeah it’s definitely lack of self control and video games are so popular and accessible so it’s the biggest distraction most men deal with today. But it could be ANYTHING…a guy could spend way too much time on cars, gambling, internet surfing…whatever and start neglect his duties as a father, boyfriend or husband..

    • Davpenn

      Video games are not hobbies to grown men. 

      • BULLSH!!!!T

        Whether or not YOU think they are hobbies or not is COMPLETELY SUBJECTIVE, that just YOUR own bias opinion, anything can be considered a hobby whether it be drawing or watching movies etc.

        Let me guess you be one of those uninformed ppl who thinks video games is just for kids???? SMH do your research sir a large percent games for the past decade or so has been catering to a more adult crowd.

  • FromUR2UB

    Now, that third one, I could have done without!  Something should have prepared us for such an assault on the senses.  Yeeeee!!

  • DonRicky

    Most of these women had kids too early, and get help from Momma, and they baby daddy, and wanna judge a black man. SMDH. If your married with children and have a college education, you can talk.. if not stfu.

    • Cantria2012

      If the baby daddy has a seed he should take responsibly and be a man and pay for his seed..period! That’s his stupidity if he’s dumb enough to get someone pregnant and think he ain’t gonna pay.. Gooh

    • It is so telling when a man sees any criticism toward another man that may or may not represent him and immediately turns around points the finger at a women. Maybe you need to read number 5 again. I didn’t know I needed to be educated and married with children in order to judge who might be an appropriate mate. I guess having two college degres at 24, being educated enough to know how to use birth control so I don’t have kids I’m not ready for and being single because I’m not going to settle for a good-for-nothing underachiever like the men on this list means nothing to you. Good thing your bitter, insecure and unqualified opinion means nothing to me. Have a good day though!

  • RedButterfly81

    I’ve been with guys number 1, 3, 4, 5, 7 and 9 and I’ma let God choose Mr. Right for me from now on.

    • Davpenn

      I’m sure God has better things to do.  I think you’ll be making the same mistakes all over again.

  • IllyPhilly

    I swear this is the third article like this in the last 2 days. In this case nobody’s grown!!

  • Cantria2012

    Lol!! Tell the truth!! I’ve witnessed this type of behavior. Women tend to fall for these types & then realized they wasted time with a grown boy! So unattractive! I was one of them! Never again..Lame-O’s

    • turning30in2012

      i had a homegirl, that was dating this guy because he had a MASTERS DEGREE but the negroe still lived at home with his parents…and when she got pregnant and wanted him to move out to get their own place, he had the nerve to suggest buying a big house so they ALL could live together!!! lol! so cray….

      • kakeziez

        lol he should have left, so much responsibility.

      • SayCheese

        What’s wrong with buying a bigger house and having his parents live with him, your friend and their baby. Why not build on to the house that is already livable. She should image the mortgage payment, property tax, state tax if there is one and so on for the new smaller house. He was living with his parents because it was economically sound. He was working so what’s her problem. 

    • Kim34v3df33b1

      My friend just met a chocolate man on Blackwhitemeet.COMit’s where for men and women looking for interracial’ship for a fabulous lifestyle
      It’s a nice place for black white sing’les, to interact with each other…no bounds or extremes in front of true love.

  • HEY > KICKS aren’t JUNK!!!! WE help the economy get a healthy boost.. so whenever War times decides to roll around we make sure noone has to look like they gat hit by a grenade since we then will have sour shoes to give for a good cause ,Plus Video games help us increase our reaction time..4 really!!  now how handy iS that in a war?!
    !!  THEY Have dudes .. that actually spit..indoors?(O_O) thats not even a a guy thats a Lama)LOOOL  Bruthas still talking about they wanna rap.. Rappers don’t even wanna rap no more…:) I understand a woman  who kicks a dude like that in the face..Talkin about rap..Brutha should get a slap , for that ..*im reading on* AAW COme ON !! y’all Put A pic OF some Biafra looking child to make  them feel even worse if they del none of them leave their kids in that state since the mothers do all the work….i liked this one”pass gas and not say anything (so someone can walk past and inhale your silent bomb)( I had mY mouth Open) ”  can’t wait for the women’s version..eventhough..you know that men tolerate way less because there are so many women ..plus , i know there might be some ” not kept ” women but they are just a minority…right? Nice article:)

    • Aef2069

       My stomach hurts from laughing so hard at this post….Thanks, I needed that.

  • Vchuksorji

    I know some women like that too,is not just men, I am a woman and some women do be on the kinda of thing, especially money, they call it free food, for quality time spent LOL