Fuhgettabout It: 10 Things We Think Men Care About But They Really Don’t

January 10, 2012 ‐ By Toya Sharee

2011 will unfortunately be known to many as the year when “Heauxs Were Winning.”  The public watched Basketball “wives” snag baller after baller and witnessed countless rappers wife up video vixens and booty models.  Comment sections across the world-wide web were stampeded by readers holding their college degrees and dignity high above their heads like swords. In shock and horror, they questioned how these men were overlooking sophisticated, educated women to flaunt big bootied brainless beauty queens on their arms. (Of course we assumed that if a woman’s biggest claim to fame is a KING magazine cover, she automatically has to be an idiot).

What many women failed to question was  A) Were these women as clueless or uncouth as we assumed they were?  B)  Whether or not these men placed as much value on class, sophistication and education as some of their female counterparts and C) Why are so many of us attracted to men whose priorities in a potential mate include fat booty, frying chicken, and freak in the sheets?

This got me thinking that although many women think they know what men want, it’s more likely that we’ve created an idea of what we think men SHOULD want.  Some of the things that we value in relationships and sex simply don’t matter much to some men, and men desire completely different things from a woman based on whether a relationship is solely sexual or soul mate material.  The quicker more women understand this, the sooner they too will be “winning.”

What you are about to read is a written account based on what I as a woman have witnessed from the values expressed by a variety of men. If you are truly interested in what a man values in a woman, try asking one.

1.  A College Degree

In no way am I telling you to trade in your Bachelor’s for some booty shorts, but I am willing to bet that when Drake laid eyes on Maliah, the last thing he was asking himself was if she could recite all the elements on the periodic table from memory.  Most men don’t want a brainless beauty for a wife (and you probably aren’t trying to lock down one who does) but they are visual creatures and what we woman have to understand is that if it’s 1:45 am in the club, that man whose been eye-humping you all night probably isn’t looking for his Mrs. Right as much as he is looking for Mrs. Right Now.  For some reason, many woman like to use their education as a reason why they are more wifey material than the girl dropping it low in so and so’s video.  And hopefully you’re struggling through that Calculus class because you know it will give you a better chance at a successful future and not just the next eligible bachelor.  An education is a valuable asset, but it doesn’t guarantee you a good man over the girl dancing for dollars.

MadameNoire Video

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  • JAck

    Some of these points in the article were spot on… but this long-hair one is SO WRONG.

    95% of men despise short hair on a woman… some woman are so attractive that men will tolerate it (i.e. halle barry); but those 95% of men would all agree these women look exponentially more attractive with long hair even if they are attractive with short.

    I’m telling you, the #1 thing a woman can do to instantly reduce the number of men hitting on her is to chop her hair really short. Try it.

  • Morpheus X

    On point for all except for the last one. MOST men prefer longer hair. This isn’t simply a matter of my own personal opinion and taste or projection; surveys have confirmed this.

    For many men like me, Amber Rose’s bald head is a deal breaker and our heads turn much faster for a woman with long, beautiful hair – whether it’s natural black hair, locks, relaxed, blown out or even a weave – before we’ll look at a woman with short hair.

    Now there are some men who don’t mind short hair, probably from exposure to short hair growing up, but don’t get it twisted, given the option of a woman with long hair or short hair, long wins every time. It’s more feminine, more tactile, has more movement and creates a more lithe overall visual contour to the body.

  • Kevin T.

    So my homegirl asked me to read this list and provide my thoughts from a guy’s perspective, so here goes:
    For the majority of men, when we’re seriously looking for a mate (not just trying to get in your pants) your salary, number of degrees, professional accomplishments, and home ownership are NOT what qualify you to be girlfriend or wife material in our eyes. They just DON’T.

    We care about how you treat us as a man, how you treat our family/friends, how you treat your family/friends, your respectability as a woman, femininity, whether you’ll be a good mother and your loyalty. That’s it. I have a home, why should I care if you own one or notr not? I earn a good income, why should I care whether your income is as high as mine? I have my own luxury car, why should I care what you’re driving? If you have your head on straight, have a good heart and show me you love me, I’m going to support you wholeheartedly in achieving your goals. You absolutely should want to be successful and independent, but no amount of educational and/or professional cuccess can fix a bad attitude, arrogance, shallowness, an inflated self image or selfishness.

    I know countless women well over 35, never married, who look down on women they deem “less than” because they don’t have an advanced degree, own a home, make $120K, etc. Don’t get me wrong, those things are great to have, but definitely not must-haves when it comes to building a life with someone. The aforementioned women have all of the trappings of “success”, but absolutely no prospects for marriage whatsoever. I’m not saying a man will validate you, but NO ONE wants to be alone the rest of their life.

  • Marecia Gaston

    “Four Day Funk” I laughed so hard at that! Breaking the silence at work! Thanks for that one! 😛

  • eddie

    Unless a man is looking for a sugar mama, then of course he is not looking for a woman with a brain, more so, a man is looking for a woman that can relate to him on a certain level and not look stupid. If it’s one thing I have learned about women, it’s that THEY CAN”T BE WRONG.. no matter what, they will not accept defeat. It’s the ones females with an education that feel they know everything about everything. They are the feministas that most men dread to work for, let alone want to marry.

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  • Negro $cholar

    I’m a man and I (and my friends probably do too) care about all that stuff!! I don’t want to be seen with a girl who’s got chipped nail paint, stretch marks, or who doesn’t have an education. wtf?

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  • Chocolate_Star

    Oh I forgot to add…..there are MANY MANY black men who want and do everything they see on rap videos (I live in a small town where there are 3 for every black woman). They do care about red bottoms, clothes, your nails, toes, and hair etc. And there are men who care about degrees and such because they are in it for their own agenda or just don’t care to be a woman’s primary source of income.

  • Jamal

    That’s funny, these are the 10 things I ACTUALLY DO CARE ABOUT… except the high heels.. haha :).

  • Awewqt

    Women are sometimes fragile, want a real-man to protect you? Com uniformedkiss*CO*M–,
    here you will meet lots of servicemen and find friendship, love, romance,
    marriage or even more with those armed forces, police, navy, security, medical,
    ambulance, prison, air crew and fire fighters! You will not regret for dating with
    military personnel. Just sign up and nothing will lose if you don’t like it. Thanks

  • Corinne

    I always thought that the more education a woman has, the less likely she is to choose a partner who is abusive, a criminal (has some relationship to the penal system), or someone who doesn’t have a good earning potential and so forth.

    As much time, energy and opportunity cost it takes to earn a graduate or even undergraduate degree, I dare say any woman is doing it for the sole purpose of finding a mate.

    People like the reality stars and rapppers are not expected to be critical or intellectual thinking individuals, they just don’t have it, so naturally they would choose partners with their same goals. I may just be picking on the education portion of this article but as someone who works in academia, I just can’t help it :).

    Toya Sheree, if you are interested, there was a list generated by Granta called The Thinking Man’s Sex Symbols, and all ten of the women who made the list are regarded as beautiful worldly women who of course hold at least a bachelor’s degree. The difference is that Drake wouldn’t necessarily be regarded as a thinking man so none of these women would be up his ally. Sigh.

  • http://hizzandherzorganics.com/ nelson

    I do think a man should have written this article in his point of view, BUT IN GENERAL she’s speaking of men that are confident within themselves. So they don’t have to base their worth on their woman’s. She isn’t saying you can be a dummy that doesn’t know SUGAR from SALT, WITH tire tracks running across your @$$ & GUTS, WITH a BUSH BABY Choochie All the HAIR Done landed there since it apparently missed your SLICK BACK HEAD!! Read the material people, damn!! I’ve met men in CEO positions, retired Law Enforcement, Business owners…… MANY MANY WALKS OF LIFE. As she said and education doesn’t hurt, but how you carry yourself matters. EDUCATION DOESN’T = INTELLIGENCE!! Some of history’s most famous scholars, educators, philosophers, AND EVEN today’s TOP Business men never went to or didn’t finish college. SO it doesn’t matter. AND THE FACT OF HAIR JUST HAS BEEN PROVEN OVER & OVER AGAIN. If you are dealing with men that focus on the length/texture of your hair, then they have the problem. I agree with the author that us women, no matter what care about what others think of our hair. I wouldn’t wear my hair a certain way to catch a man. THAT’S LUDICROUS! I only care about how healthy my hair is, WHATEVER STYLE I AM WEARING at the time!! And I’ve had them all. I never had problems getting the attention & being involved with men on different levels. Despite any of these that may apply to me. If the man is worth your time, THEN IT WILL BE ABOUT more than the superficial $^&T!! For real!

  • Barbaralee1146

    Women are sometimes fragile, want a real-man to protect you? Come –uniformedkiss.c0m–,
    here you will meet lots of servicemen and find friendship, love, romance,
    marriage or even more with those armed forces, police, navy, security, medical,
    ambulance, prison, air crew and fire fighters! You will not regret for dating with
    military personnel. Just sign up and nothing will lose if you don’t like it. Thanks.

  • NikoWozz

    I am a 27 years old doctor,mature and beautiful. and now i am seeking a good man who can give me real love, so i got a sername Andromeda2002 on  Agedate.СòM, a nice and free place for younger women and older men,or older women and younger men, to interact with each other.Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.

  • ClassyInHtown

    Also…..the author must be referring to “hood” dudes who have low standards because the dudes I date DO care about most of these things. 

  • ClassyInHtown

    I think men who choose dense eye candy over equally beautiful brainiacs have serious self-esteem issues. 

    Why does Drake fall hard for strippers? Low self-esteem.  $$ doesn’t = confidence.

  • janubie

    Most of these run completely contrary to my experience, but hey maybe it’s the type of men i date 

  • Raecine

    all of these are relative, so dont go around thinking that every man u meet isnt going to car about these things. I know a few that care about a lot of these things on the list, but there are of course some that dont give a damn. 

  • truthbtold

    Number 10 is a straight up lie. so is number 8!

  • luvlychoc

    It’s an interesting article. It definitely made me think. My boyfriend has a degree and is after his masters but I still don’t have my degree. Whenever we talk about what we like about each other he always mentions that I’m not like most other women he comes across. I’m not superficial or after his money and I’m not obsessed with material things and hanging out in clubs and bars…and that is all true, but sometimes I feel inferior anyway. He does a great job at pushing me and helping me to better myself and he never makes me feel bad for not having as much as him and he’s always willing to do for me when I can’t do for myself. He’s beyond supportive. As for the other stuff the killer for me is stretch marks…only the ones on my stomach bother me, but there was once a baby in there 10 years ago and she definitely left her mark…my boyfriend doesn’t care about that either, but I am extremely self conscious about it. He likes to rub and kiss my stomach and I get so embarrassed! I wonder how I can get past that…

    • universal

      if he likes it, then their is nothing to get past. stop worring about everything. you got a good dude, be happy.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1357605299 Toniraye Anderson

      While I certainly understand your concern about stretch marks I’m here to advise you to “let it go”.  You have described your man as being quite supportive and accepting of the real you and that includes your “mommy marks”.  I’ve had two of my three children by c- section and thankfully the incision was done right where the bikini line is, so, after having my second c- section, I wasn’t concerned about any “mommy marks/stretch marks” since the ones from my first two pregnancies were barely visible.  What a surprise after child number three to discover that while my “mommy marks” were in the same places, they had noticeably darkened.  Having light skin makes it even more noticeable and I stayed away from two piece swim wear for quite a few years.  During that time I had friends encouraging me to “get over myself” because in their eyes I was a thirty-something who weighed 120 pounds and looked fresh out of college.  One of my friends even became so angry she flat out told me I was disgusting her with my negative self image because at 180 pounds and never having children, she couldn’t understand why I would let myself stress over what she considered to be “badges of courage”.  My girls convinced me to buy the two piece I had been eye-balling and, truthfully, it was freeing to make such a simple purchase.  My second step, however, was more of a challenge; fast forward some years. Upon marrying my current husband the moment of truth I knew I could no longer avoid was upon me: having to expose my bare naked skin, which was fine by me as long as he didn’t notice those “marks”.  Freeing moment number two came, when, like your boyfriend, my husband kissed my stomach and told me I was beautiful.  At that moment I understood that to my mind, it wasn’t enough for me to be almost forty, looking thirty, and weighing 125 pounds, and still have a flat stomach.  No, in my mind, I still didn’t particularly care for those “mommy marks”.  However, it’s something so remarkable about a man’s power to unlock our inhibitions and walls and in that one moment, my husband unlocked and knocked down all of mine.  Your boyfriend has shown you the house, given you the key, and he has even kept the door open for you to walk in.  All you have to do is cross the thresh hold.  Don’t waste precious time concerned about your “mommy marks”.  They are your badge of courage, your reminder’s of life’s blessings, and your symbols of honor.  Take time to discover the love your boyfriend wants to share with you without the worry or fear.  Embrace his acceptance as a gift from above.  After all, the true blessing in finding real love is accepting it.  Be blessed! T. Anderson

  • Bwhahahaha

    EWWW  @  4day funk!!!!! LMBAO!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_65MHCOJ5WFX2ZUX242QQU2WU4U homie

    This would have been a better article if it were written by a MAN.

  • ThePeoplesCourt

    Drake didnt ask Maliah to recite the elements of the periodic chart because Drake doesnt know it himself. Dumb men may not give a freak about your education level but intelligent ones do. Did Barack Obama go after the Amber Rose/Rihanna of his time or did he seek out the sister with the brains? How far will Maliah get Drake in his drive for success? Where did Michelle and Hillary help to land their husbands?Stop generalizing and covering topics you all are not equip to handle. This is just  dime a dozen blog with  people who can hardly read much less write about subjects like this. LMBO! This is almost like a horoscope, make it broad enough and everybody will fit in somewhere. SMH! On that note, me and my two masters degrees will be planning my wedding to another brainiac. I hope this game works for the rest of you.

    • guest

      Preach!!!!  I am so tired of hearing the men don’t care about education crap….correction:  ignorant, dumb men don’t care about that becuase they are threatenend and/or jealous.  You would never hear a white man say that.  Bill Gates wife is a scientitst.  The late Steve Jobs wife had several advanced degrees…..enough said!

      • blackinthehat

        “You would never hear a white man say that”

        Do they set the standard in your life?

        • guest

          Not at all, but this thought pattern is always attributed to black men….even in our everyday lives.  Again, I have never heard a white man down a highly educated woman.  To them, it’s an asset.

          • brian k

            You are obviously deaf and blind because white men down smart chicks all the time except if they are very hot (which is the same as black men, asian men etc.)  Not saying it is right, but it is the truth.

          • Lita

            “You would never hear a white man say that”
            How do you know we would never hear a white man say that? That’s absurd! I’m not sure what “white men” you have had the pleasure to meet, but I have heard several “white men” down intelligent woman! Most of them down intelligent women for simply having educated opinions. Don’t put them on a pedicle because they aren’t any better than any other race.

            • LBaniel

              I meant intelligent women

      • Big Mike

        Quiet as kept, i’ve never heard a black man say this either. I mean, really? I have NEVER heard a black man say he doesn’t date women with degress because they are too smart. When he wants to approach you, he’s not thinking about your degree – that stuff comes up when both are getting to know each other. By that time, he’s trying to see if there is some spark there for romance.

        This is a made up excuse for those women who are single.

        • guest

          Not really.  I had a brother I was dating say that to me, mind you I am educated, own my own home, etc. but he ended up settling for an office assistant (not that there is anything necessarily wrong with that) and they currently live with his momma….go figure.

    • Jumbaliyah

      True. Men in certain positions want to date and marry women who can hold intelligent conversations and are smart. Why? When they host and attend dinner events and he comes in contact with his colleagues he doesn’t want his woman to embarrass him. I saw somewhere that these men even want their escorts to be this way.
      When it comes to the other stuff, every man is different. What really matters to one man may not be a deal breaker for another. Some men do not like to see a woman who is wearing mismatched lingerie or have a secret garden that has nothing there because they feel like they are messing with a little girl. While other men don’t care about what the lingerie looks like and don’t care if there’s something in the garden just as long as it’s nicely manicured.

    • Toya Sharee

      Congrats on your upcoming wedding.  Thank you for your feedback.  In reference to your comment, I felt that many women who were attacking Drake and other rappers and entertainers for their choice in “wifing up” video vixens and models who most women assume are dumb, classless and uneducated didn’t consider the fact of why they were attracted to men who obviously value physical beauty more so that education, and sophistication.  My point was that before you attack the woman, consider why you are drawn to a man who was attracted to those qualities in the first place.  Also, if a man is just looking for sex or a short-term relationship, he probably won’t be too concerned if a woman has two Master’s degrees or a professional position.  So in a way, we agree.   Thank you for your opinion.

    • Inessa

      Barack Obama didn’t go after the amber rose/Rihanna of his time because they didn’t want him! He was just a poor student!We know hoes like hood and rich guys

      • http://www.facebook.com/RosarioRed Rosario Stefania Scarsci

        Had he went after a woman like that, I have a strong feeling he wouldn’t have ever gone for president. He probably would’ve had a great career, still, but actually become president? No way.

      • Corinne

        How can you assume that he wanted those type of women? Had he been a skirt chaser that would have been exposed long ago and perhaps he wouldn’t have been the first AA president of this country. Someone who mainted an A average at Harvard’s Law school and became a scholar of law and author–the women you speak of would have no place in such a setting regardless of how much money he had or lack thereof. just sayin. . .

  • Lyndon

    Great list. If there’s a man that finds issue with any of these it’s time you do some investigation into his side-hobbies. But there is one thing. Most men will never take the one-night stand seriously and most guys know when she’s pretending to care about her goods and following some imaginary rule book.

  • Candacey Doris

    I don’t know what guys you surveyed but busted nails, giving it up too soon, and ugly underwear are not good. But every guy has his own idea of hygiene. I’ve met some guys who didn’t care for nail polish but couldn’t stand ashy knees and elbows (even right out of the pool! wtf?). I don’t think you can say that these are some points that all guys could care less about.

  • Cdarayl

    Where do I start? Since the author of this post most certainly did not survey any males before writing these little tidbits of advice. I can admit, love is blind and sometimes no one understands it but the people who are in it, and no a college degree doesn’t make it any easier for a woman to find a mate. If anything finding love becomes more of a challenge because far too many men are threatened by women who can actually think for themselves! With a woman of ill-reproof she knows her place and is less likely to step out of line.

    Moving on, I have yet to date, or come in contact with any man who does not care if a woman shaves her nether regions. Most men will tell you that it is itchy, carries an odor and gets in the way when their working down town. Also, calloused rough-looking feet are a no-no as well, and yet another way to gross out your man who doesn’t want a woman with feet more busted than his….SpreadDaWord.com

    • Toya Sharee

      Definitely didn’t do a survey to research this article, but as I mentioned, feel free to ask your male peers whether they agree or not on this info.  All males are different and have their own opinions on what they choose to value in a woman.  I have male associates, friends and colleagues all of different backgrounds, professions and education levels whose opinions inspired this article. While I didn’t state that women should wear dirty underwear, sport unkempt nails and choose to remain uneducated, the point of this article was to challenge women to not think they’re entitled to a good man just because they posess these things and to not expect that because these are things you value, that every man will as well.  Thanks for reading though.

      • darkman

        Your opinon is right on target. Most men really don’t care about what you pin pointed and more you didn’t talk about. Otherwise, why only gay men take care of them the way women do? It’s true that men fear educated women, who can challenge their decision, but they don’t fall either for the dumb azz (at least not to settle).  So every man finds his balance.

        • http://hizzandherzorganics.com/ nelson

          I do think a man should have written this article in his point of view, BUT IN GENERAL she’s speaking of men that are confident within themselves. So they don’t have to base their worth on their woman’s. SHE WAS PRETTY MUCH ON TARGET.

    • darkman

      Men caring about shaved beaver? Teenagers or young adults, we were too happy to go “downtown” to complain… We were stunned to get there, so having to open our path through the bush was the least of our worries and part of the conquest, as long as the rain has washed the “shore” recently…
      In our adult days,  we get a little bit ennoyed with all the added scents where we just want to smell your fresh marine breeze.
       Feet? itchy? that’s gay!!! Or you just watched “Boomerang”…

  • FromUR2UB

    Another thing I suspect men don’t care about is whether a woman shaves her legs.  My ex-sister-in-law had big legs, covered in thick, curly hair.  But guys were always checking them out.  I’ve just never been able to let my legs fur up, even though I don’t think he really cares.  I never asked. 

    I tend to think that men like long, thick, healthy hair on a woman, when it’s her own.  But I’ve known those same men to be attracted to short-haired women, even when they’ve told a long-haired woman to never cut hers.  Since much of the time, it looks so fake, I agree that most women who wear weave would probably look better wearing their natural length, or least, not some ridiculously long amount. 
    Women are usually baffled by men’s tastes in women.  I would never proclaim to know what a man’s “type” of woman is – not even a man I know well – because they’ve always surprised me. Some of us grew up believing that men usually didn’t marry the “kind of women you don’t take home to mother”.  But, sometimes they do.  Go figure…

    • universal

      hairy legs?!?! i think im about to lose my lunch now in front of everybody. that is just downright turrible! women please, oh please shave those chocolate legs!

      • Qmatic

        Hairy legs are the worst!

      • FromUR2UB

        Haha!!  Let me clarify something:  after that, I meant long, thick hair on women’s heads, not…hahaHa!!..legs.

        Heeheehee!  That was a good one!

        • darkman

          There are coutries where they love hairy women… Beauty is in the other’s eyes

  • ValdaDeDieu

    You’re wrong on various points, but before I get to that…Re. vaginal odor you did not mean “distinct”; you meant “distinctive” or “unique” as in pertaining to the vagina–not “distinct” as in able to smell it  across the room! There is a time and place for everything…

    Secondly, while a college degree in general situations (but not specific ones, since each man has his preference) might not be a primary basis for attraction, every black woman should possess some sort of  qualification which enables her to support herself, and enter into a relationship as an equal. Unless the man is a complete and utter reprobate–in which case, you do not want him–this enables a healthier relationship.

    Lastly, the so-called “giving up the goods.” Are you talking about intimacy? Because that is really an offhand, immature way of putting something that is an invaluable asset to any relationship! Why play the odds? Why not take the time to know someone before you do something that affects you so profoundly? With a very good-looking man, who is used to having options, delaying gratification forces him to work at building a foundation–and to men, work equals value. And yes, while to many decent men, if they truly like and care for you, sooner does not cause their regard to falter– since that’s true, then what’s the hurry?

    Put it this way–you can’t lose if you wait. You only win–when you don’t wait– IF the conditions are right. And how do you know the conditions are right without first getting to know the person?

    • Qmatic

      you’re probably single

      • ValdaDeDieu

        Happily, by choice, right now. And, never been dumped.  EVER. So what does that tell you? Hahahahahaha…

        Don’t imagine you’re insulting me by your intimation (look that up).  There are a lot more  quality women than there are quality men. And since I’m not gay, and, I am VERY discriminating, I choose NOT to waste my time with less than quality.

        Take care, with your leftovers.

        • Phattygurl783

           Nicely said! I agree 100% with you. Females should not have to demoralize themselves just to say that they have a man. Having a man definitely does not define you!

          • ValdaDeDieu

            Thank you…Funny how the worst type of males think we’re somehow missing something by not being with them…It’s always the great guys that contribute to your life who take the time to know, care and empathize. Go figure.

            • Twistjuice

              I agree with everything you have said except the part about when to become intimate. You speak of ‘delaying gratification’. I think that intimacy should occur when you are both ready and comfortable with each other. It is pointless to intentionally ‘hold out’ until the man ‘proves himself’. Men say all the time that up until they score with the girl they are going to be the perfect gentleman. So by putting an artificial window on when you get intimate you may in fact be prolonging a false perception of a man and getting more and more emotionally involved only to get heartbroken when he gets what he’s been waiting for and transforms into his usual self. A woman should be confident enough to do it when she is ready. If she exudes such confidence so that it is made clear to the man he in turn wont care whether, as the article said, it happened in 7 days or, God forbid, 7 months!

              • ValdaDeDieu

                That “time frame” you speak of? THAT should be when the woman is comfortable–not when she thinks the man will be happy if she caves in!

                Nothing is ever improved by rushing. And certainly, something as valuable, vulnerable and vibrant as intimacy–in a good relationship–is ALWAYS best when the time is right, not before…

                If you do not have the self discipline to wait for a woman when she’s “new”, what makes you think you’ll be faithful to her, when she’s “not”?

                Someone who can’t wait isn’t worth doing any waiting for, or with. Because there’s always someone else that he can (and will) “share” his own set of values with; and there is always someone better, willing and happy to wait, with and just for–YOU.

                One thing the world is not running short of–is men. And the better you take care of yourself, the more there are, and the better quality you find, for you. So take care of you. Quality men are not attracted to desperate women. This is where you separate the men from the boys, and save yourself a whole lot of heartache…

                I can only tell you what has worked for me, and perhaps this is because my mother (married to my dad at 18, knew him since she was 7) always told me, “Never chase after a man; there will always be men, and men are being born everyday.” Perhaps because I took her advice to heart, and pursued what I wanted, and chose to be happy with my life, FIRST; I’ve always been surrounded by men, eligible ones (because I DO NOT even flirt with attached males)…and never felt the need to stay in a relationship if I felt it wasn’t working out!

                Ladies, do what works. If something isn’t working, stop doing it. As you learn, keep doing what works, do more of it, BETTER every time…Above all, be happy, and be with someone whom you’re happy with; and who’s happy with you. DO WHAT IS MOST LIKELY TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
                Everything else is elementary, and life is short!

                • Twistjuice

                  Thanks for your general cliched response addressing none of what I said.

                  • ValdaDeDieu

                  • ValdaDeDieu

                    Only “cliche” here, is YOU. I wasn’t put on earth for your expectations, nor (am I) simply any man’s receptacle for his emission. When did standards become a bad thing?  If  “standards” are too tough for you, then accept that you don’t qualify!

                    *WHINE*** “Ooh, don’t make us wait!” (There’s the shower, buddy…I just bought you some sweetly-scented slippery body wash. DO what you do anyway.

                    If you care, you’ll wait. You won’t die. If it’s a hardship for you, then you don’t really care about HER, just your own gratification. A bad sign for the “relationship.”

          • ValdaDeDieu

            Thank you…Funny how the worst type of males think we’re somehow missing something by not being with them…It’s always the great guys that contribute to your life who take the time to know, care and empathize. Go figure.

        • Phattygurl783

           Nicely said! I agree 100% with you. Females should not have to demoralize themselves just to say that they have a man. Having a man definitely does not define you!

      • ValdaDeDieu

        Happily, by choice, right now. And, never been dumped.  EVER. So what does that tell you? Hahahahahaha…

        Don’t imagine you’re insulting me by your intimation (look that up).  There are a lot more  quality women than there are quality men. And since I’m not gay, and, I am VERY discriminating, I choose NOT to waste my time with less than quality.

        Take care, with your leftovers.

      • http://www.facebook.com/RosarioRed Rosario Stefania Scarsci

        Someone’s obviously salty. You must be a man or a wh0re-ish female.

    • Corinne

      You know I am inclined to cosign :). I’m a married girl and it was my husband who encouraged me to complete an MA degree in a subject I truly love. He has several advanced degrees and I thought we could just ride on his experience.

      I think the problem might be that we are so quick to compare middle and working class people to celebrites who dominate reality tv shows. The ‘reality’ is that these people and shows do not reflect the values of the masses. As a matter of fact, there are statistics that have been released by a pair of African American professors of sociology about black marriage and surprisingly education or lack thereof does effect a black woman’s chances of being married so much so that those with advanced degrees are more likely to be married by the age of 35 than her high school diploma holding counterparts!

      Like you said go figure.

      • ValdaDeDieu

        Corinne, So very true! It would be stupid for any person– no matter what their circumstances–to simply accept the Lowest Common Denominator for themselves. What you think–you are. CHOOSE to be what and who you want, set standards, live up to them. Ignore the statistics except to decide YOU WILL NOT BE ONE.

    • Mystic

      I’ve never seen a more misguided pedantic attempt than this “distinct” vs. “distinctive” drivel above.

      dis·tinct   [dih-stingkt]
      1. distinguished, as not being the same; not identical; separate (sometimes followed by from ): His private and public lives are distinct.
      2. different in nature or quality; dissimilar (sometimes followed by from ):

      dis·tinc·tive   [dih-stingk-tiv] Show IPA
      adjective 1. serving to distinguish; characteristic; distinguishing: the distinctive stripes of the zebra. 2. having a special quality, style, attractiveness, etc.; notable.

      The two words, in this context, mean the same damn thing, and there is nothing even remotely close to what you suggested in the meaning of the word “distinct”. Please, for your sake, I beg you, invest in a dictionary.

      • ValdaDeDieu

        Oh dear, I’ve moved on so far past this triviality…the conversation is so old, that I’d forgotten it!

        But for your sake, I will remind you—oh-I-just-discovered-the- dictionary-person—that CONTEXT when it comes to comprehension and communication in language–is ALL.

        Use this dictionary you speak of–but a THESAURUS is better for slant, shading,
        subtlety—to come to an understanding that PEDANTIC expressly defines your lazy cut-and-paste, lifted-directly-from-a lexicon-without-intellectual-output, effort or vigor—attempt to refute my very clear, and comprehensive assessment of the (now laughable) “DISTINCT” vs. “DISTINCTIVE” reference to um…the “lady parts odor” in a Madame Noire essay that I replied to, so long ago.

        And then, take a deep breath. If you don’t get it, you will; (But if a dictionary is your greatest & best “literary” investment in improving your mind, you might not).

        And if you can’t, maybe you won’t or you never shall. But as for me, I did, I do, and I’ve moved so far beyond this, that any subsequent reply (from me) on this subject is wholly unnecessary, and a waste of my (extremely valuable and valued) time.

  • FLEX

    Not sure how the data was gather but grooming is a must hair, nails, toes, kitty, under arm, body…etc – there is nothing worst than a woman with bad hygiene.

  • Sugar_Spice

    I can’t agree with some of these but this is just based on my husbands, brothers, & guy friends opinions.  They all say that chipped toe polish (depending on how bad it is) & how well you groom your secret garden are all big with them because it lets them see how well a woman will takes care of herself.  

    • Kimd34234342434ff5

      My friend just met a chocolate man on Blackwhitemeet.COMit’s where for men and women looking for interracial’ship for a fabulous lifestyle
      It’s a nice place for black white sing’les, to interact with each other…no bounds or extremes in front of true love.

    • http://www.facebook.com/RosarioRed Rosario Stefania Scarsci

      That’s true. Men these days are getting pickier. Can’t go around looking like anything anymore. 

  • Mariah

    Love this article. Thanks for the info.

    • Cfbfssdn

      I am in Air Force and seek ing someone .

      I need a woman who can love me back 

      …I also got a username nathanm on _____【M’ilitáry S’oulmáté.C óM】–_____ 

      It’s the largest and best club for seek ing Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force,
      Police Force, and the admirers of those who wear the uniform.
      I just hope you don’t mind me being a soldier …Please Check
      it out!I’m serious

      • Justin

        You might like the article, but it is nearly entirely wrong.