Signs That You Might Be In “Too Much” Love

December 1, 2011  |  
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Many women equate loving a man with giving, submitting to and pleasing. Some women seem as though they have an endless supply of love to give to others, but little to give to themselves. A woman’s identity sometimes becomes too dependent on proving her love, while a man’s identity is more defined by how well he provides. But how much is too much love?  It’s imperative that a successful relationship be based on trust, communication, love, and compromise.  Sometime women become such “people pleasers,” even in their relationships, that they lose sight of their own goals and ambitions.  If this sounds familiar, take a look at these 8 signs that signify you might be sacrificing too much in your relationship, and it may be time to reevaluate your role.

1. You do too much for him

If your man is grumbling, seems distant, and uncommunicative it’s not necessarily your job, to jump up and start catering to his needs. Fluffing his pillow or spending hours in the kitchen fixing his favorite meal won’t cure his issues. Doing “everything” for him assumes he is a cripple and is demeaning and will soon turn you into his mother instead of lover. Women often feel overly responsible for their man’s needs and moods, thinking that they in someway caused them. In their eyes, they must have done something wrong to cause him to be upset, or distant.  If this is happening in your relationship, you have doomed yourself as a maid, not a girlfriend.

2. Keep him on a pedestal

For centuries, women have been trained and conditioned to believe a man’s intelligence is superior to their own. This belief is difficult to shake even for the most accomplished woman. If you are the type to put your guy on a pedestal, thinking he is more intelligent, capable and ultimately more important, all that admiration will make you look pathetic. Most likely smothering him with attention and thinking of him as an immortal being will only inflate his ego and diminish whatever self worth you have left.

3. Sacrifice your social circle

The worst thing a woman can do is to start rejecting time with her friends because of fear of what her man might think.  Whether she thinks he will miss her, can’t fend for himself, or he doesn’t want her to spend time with her friends, this type of isolation is deadly in the long run.  If you tend to only contact friends when your man isn’t home or hang up the phone abruptly when he comes through the door, your friends are probably annoyed by your rude behavior. A woman’s friendships outside of her relationship feed and reward her. And in times when things aren’t running smoothly in her relationship, good friends offer support and advice.  Cutting yourself off from this support system might lead to resentment and ultimately a very unhealthy relationship.

4. You focus on his goals, not yours

Abandoning your goals because you believe your partner’s goals are more important in the end will smother your hopes for personal fulfillment. Maybe the reason why you sacrifice your goals to encourage his is because you believe he deserves success more than you or because deep inside you don’t believe in yourself. If you put your personal goals on the back burner too long, your dreams will simmer away.

5. Constantly try to please him

If you are constantly trying to please your man’s every wish, he will eventually lose respect for you and complain even more. It is not uncommon for a woman to side with her man even if she knows he’s wrong. It is not uncommon for her to support poor decisions or refrain from giving advice thinking she is proving her love and faith in him by keeping silent. If you find yourself the one to always say you are sorry first and taking the blame for all arguments, you will lose self-respect. Sure, you may believe it is easier just to let him think he’s won, but he has lost something too in his respect for you.

6. Submitting in the Bedroom

Thinking a man has love on his mind when he is pushing you to have sex when you aren’t in the mood is not lovemaking. Letting a man have his way with you doesn’t honor the sacredness of true intimacy. You will likely feel used and even abused if after countless times of saying “no” you ultimately submit. Sex is an expression of love, not a duty.  Just because men think about and crave sex more than women, doesn’t mean your wants shouldn’t be respected.

7. He Gets Everything, You Get Nothing

If your spouse or boyfriend has every power tool that Black & Decker makes, a basement full of music equipment and a new Harley-Davidson and you shop all the sale racks with the change you find at the bottom of your purse, there is a serious issue.  Women who are in the practice of indulging their mates while denying themselves feel undeserving.  It’s great to bring home small gifts to each other now and again, but if you tend to be the only one with this thoughtful attitude, what are you getting out of the relationship?  Gifts don’t matter, but the respect level is necessary.

 8. You give up your boundaries

Some women let their men push them into agreeing to do things they know will prove disastrous. Inviting his best friend to camp out in your living room for a month because he was thrown out of his home for being a slob or bringing home two stray dogs to be your companions while he’s away all day, should push you to set some limits. If you constantly dismantle your boundaries to accommodate your partner’s soft heart, your own heart will be filled with resentment.  Loving someone means you respect him enough to set boundaries.

 

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